November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Animal Planet After Hours

| Kettering, OH, USA | Uncategorized

Manager: “Hi ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I just need a book for my grandson. It’s called Bestiality.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, what did you say it was called?”

Customer:Bestiality. He’s in second grade. It’s this series of books.”

Manager: “Ah, could you mean Beast Quest perhaps?”

Customer: “Yes, Beast Quest. What did I say?”

Manager: “Um…bestiality.”

(The customer’s eyes bug out as she turns every shade of red.)

Manager:Beast Quest is this way if you’ll follow me…”

Pages Of A Post-Apocalyptic Persuasion

| United Kingdom | History

Customer: “I want a book to complete the set for my grandson.”

Me: “Certainly, madam. Can I ask what you’re looking for?”

Customer: “Well, he’s interested in history. I want to encourage him, so he’s already got books on World War 1 and World War 2. I want to get him the next one so he can be prepared before they do it at school.”

Me: “Um, the next one?”

Customer: “Yes. Haven’t you got anything on World War 3? I’ve looked all over.”

Me: “I’m sorry, madam. I’m pretty certain we don’t have anything on that subject at the moment.”

Customer: “Oh, never mind then. I’ll try a bigger bookshop.”

Posthumous Post-modernism

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Top

Customer: “Can you help me find a book?”

Me: “Sure! What are you looking for?”

Customer: “It’s called The Scarlet Thread.”

Me: “I haven’t heard of that one. Let me look it up really quick.”

Customer: “It’s by Jane Austen if that helps.”

Me: “Um, I don’t think it is.”

Customer: “No, it’s by Jane Austen.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I’m pretty sure Jane Austen never wrote a book called The Scarlet Thread.”

Customer: “Oh, well you probably haven’t heard of it because I think it’s one of her new books.”

Those Who Definitely Can’t

| Santa Cruz, CA, USA | Top

Customer: “Hi, can you tell me about your Educator Appreciation Weekend?

Me: “Sure! Teachers normally get 20% off on things they buy for their classroom.”

Customer: “Okay, so how do I prove that I’m a teacher?”

Me: “Do you have a pay stub from your school?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a school ID?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a card from a teacher’s union?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a medical insurance card that shows that you’re on an educator plan?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Maybe a vision or dental insurance card?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a business card?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have any letters from the school or district to you?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Is there a number I could call to verify your employment with a school?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have anything, anything at all, with both your name on it, and the name of some kind of school or educational organization?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Well, I’m stumped. I can’t think of any other way that you could show that you’re a teacher.”

Customer: “Wow, you really don’t make this easy for us, do you?”

The Five-Minute Fan

| Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Uncategorized

(At the bookstore where I work, we sell tickets for local events.)

Customer: “Hi. I’d like tickets.”

Me: “Alright, for which show?”

Customer: “I don’t know. I heard about it on the radio today, but I can’t remember who it is.”

Me: “Did they say when the concert was?”

Customer: “Um…”

Me: “Was it coming up soon?”

Customer: *shrugs*

Me: “Do you remember anything at all about it?”

Customer: “I think the guy’s name was…” *spews out a couple syllables as he tries to guess a name*

Me: “Is it ***?”

Customer: “Yeah! That’s the one! I want tickets for that show!”

Me: “Unfortunately, that show is tonight, and it’s been sold out for the past week.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “There haven’t been tickets available for a few days now.”

Customer: “You’ve got to be kidding me! I’ve been waiting ages to go see this show, and now you’re telling me I can’t? This is ridiculous!”