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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Re-Vamping Dracula

    | El Paso, TX, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, I need to get a refund for this book. You gave me the wrong book.”

    Me: “Didn’t you ask for Dracula?”

    Customer: “No! I read this book and it is nothing like the movie.”

    Me: “Actually, Francis Ford Coppola completely re-wrote the story when he filmed his version of Dracula. I can help you find that version, if you’d like.”

    Customer: “No! I want the Van Helsing version.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Yeah, in Van Helsing, Van Helsing is the main character and he fights Dracula and Frankenstein.”

    Me: “That film is a complete work of fiction. Van Helsing never fought Frankenstein or Frankenstein’s monster.”

    Customer: “Yes he did! The movie said so! What do you know?”

    Me: “Bram Stroker was a little boy when Mary Shelley died, so she never read Dracula.”

    Customer: “I think you are lying. The movie and Hugh Jackman would never lie!” *storms off*

    Customer #2: *overhearing* “I hate Hollywood.”

    How Not To Get Into Their Good Books

    | Florida, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, thanks for calling [bookstore], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, how much are your books?”

    Me: “What book were you looking for?”

    Caller: “No, your books. How much are they?”

    Me: “They are all priced differently. Are you looking for one in particular?”

    Caller: “No.” *click*

    Creative Creature Literature 101

    | Memphis, TN, USA | Top

    Customer: “Do you have How to Catch a Mole?”

    Me: “I don’t know of that book, let me check.”

    Customer: “I have to read it for school.”

    Me: “No, we don’t have that.”

    Customer: “It’s really famous. I think Dante wrote it.”

    Me: “Dante? ”

    Customer: “Or someone like that.”

    Me: “What class is this for?”

    Customer: “English Literature.”

    Me: *inspiration strikes* “You mean Taming of the Shrew!”

    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    Vaguely Unfamiliar

    | South Dakota, USA | Top

    Customer: “I am looking for one of those things that are like a book, but not a book.”

    Me: “Do you mean a magazine?”

    Customer: “No, no. It is like a book, but not a book.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “You know! A book thing, but not a book.”

    (After the customer tries to explain this object to me for about 10 minutes, my coworker comes back from lunch.)

    Coworker: “What seems to be the problem here?”

    Customer: “I asked your coworker if you have those things that are like books but not books, but she is too simple to understand.”

    Coworker: “You mean a magazine?”

    Customer: “No! Is it so hard to just find one of those things? I thought this was a bookstore!”

    (Overhearing us, my manager tries to help.)

    Manager: “Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “I am looking for a thing that is like a book, but not a book.”

    Manager: “Well, let’s go look for it…”

    (My manager ended up leading the customer all around the store, pointing out every thing we had. The thing that was like a book but not a book? A bookmark.)

    Senseless Sensibility

    | Everett, WA, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Do you have the movie Sense and Sensibility?”

    Me: “Yes we do, did you want the British or the American version?”

    Customer: “I don’t know which one it was, but it has two parts.”

    Me: “I think that would be the British version.”

    (I take her to the section and show her the movie.)

    Customer: “Yes, that’s it! I’ll take it!”

    Me: “Great! Is there anything else I can do for you?”

    Customer: “Does this movie use subtitles?”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s British.”

    Customer: “Well I don’t know! I’m not an English major!”

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