Vaguely Unfamiliar

| South Dakota, USA | Top

Customer: “I am looking for one of those things that are like a book, but not a book.”

Me: “Do you mean a magazine?”

Customer: “No, no. It is like a book, but not a book.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “You know! A book thing, but not a book.”

(After the customer tries to explain this object to me for about 10 minutes, my coworker comes back from lunch.)

Coworker: “What seems to be the problem here?”

Customer: “I asked your coworker if you have those things that are like books but not books, but she is too simple to understand.”

Coworker: “You mean a magazine?”

Customer: “No! Is it so hard to just find one of those things? I thought this was a bookstore!”

(Overhearing us, my manager tries to help.)

Manager: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “I am looking for a thing that is like a book, but not a book.”

Manager: “Well, let’s go look for it…”

(My manager ended up leading the customer all around the store, pointing out every thing we had. The thing that was like a book but not a book? A bookmark.)

Senseless Sensibility

| Everett, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you have the movie Sense and Sensibility?”

Me: “Yes we do, did you want the British or the American version?”

Customer: “I don’t know which one it was, but it has two parts.”

Me: “I think that would be the British version.”

(I take her to the section and show her the movie.)

Customer: “Yes, that’s it! I’ll take it!”

Me: “Great! Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Customer: “Does this movie use subtitles?”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s British.”

Customer: “Well I don’t know! I’m not an English major!”

Famous Ignoramus

| Hobart, Australia | Top

Me: “Hello, sir, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have those books in that series?”

Me: “Which series is that?”

Customer: “You know, the one by that famous author.”

Me: “There are lots of famous authors, sir. Do you know what one of the books was called?

Customer: “I want the third book in the series by that famous author!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but without more information, I don’t know which book you’re after.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! How could you not know the ones I’m talking about? They’re FAMOUS!”

Maybe If George Lucas Got His Hands On Them

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(A bookstore customer hands me a copy of the re-release of 101 Dalmatians.)

Customer: “What does re-mastered mean?”

Me: “They just made the colors brighter and the sound better.”

Customer: “Oh, so it’s the same as before?”

Me: “Yeah, just brighter colors and better sound.”

Customer: “They didn’t change the story or anything?”

Me: “No, it’s just brighter colors and better sound.”

Customer: “Did they make the dogs cuter?”

Deafening Silence

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “It’s so loud in here!”

Me: “I know right? Christmas is crazy for us every year.”

Customer: “It’s so loud, why do people have to talk so loudly?”

Me: “Sorry sir, it’s just because there’s so many people.”

Customer: “Forget this! I’m turning off my hearing aid. You guys should really try to keep the noise level down.”

Me: “Right you are sir! If that’ll be all, your total is ***.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Your total, sir? It’s ***.”

Customer: “Speak up! I can’t hear you!”

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