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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Pages Of A Post-Apocalyptic Persuasion

    | United Kingdom | History

    Customer: “I want a book to complete the set for my grandson.”

    Me: “Certainly, madam. Can I ask what you’re looking for?”

    Customer: “Well, he’s interested in history. I want to encourage him, so he’s already got books on World War 1 and World War 2. I want to get him the next one so he can be prepared before they do it at school.”

    Me: “Um, the next one?”

    Customer: “Yes. Haven’t you got anything on World War 3? I’ve looked all over.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, madam. I’m pretty certain we don’t have anything on that subject at the moment.”

    Customer: “Oh, never mind then. I’ll try a bigger bookshop.”

    Posthumous Post-modernism

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Top

    Customer: “Can you help me find a book?”

    Me: “Sure! What are you looking for?”

    Customer: “It’s called The Scarlet Thread.”

    Me: “I haven’t heard of that one. Let me look it up really quick.”

    Customer: “It’s by Jane Austen if that helps.”

    Me: “Um, I don’t think it is.”

    Customer: “No, it’s by Jane Austen.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I’m pretty sure Jane Austen never wrote a book called The Scarlet Thread.”

    Customer: “Oh, well you probably haven’t heard of it because I think it’s one of her new books.”

    Those Who Definitely Can’t

    | Santa Cruz, CA, USA | Top

    Customer: “Hi, can you tell me about your Educator Appreciation Weekend?

    Me: “Sure! Teachers normally get 20% off on things they buy for their classroom.”

    Customer: “Okay, so how do I prove that I’m a teacher?”

    Me: “Do you have a pay stub from your school?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Do you have a school ID?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Do you have a card from a teacher’s union?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Do you have a medical insurance card that shows that you’re on an educator plan?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Maybe a vision or dental insurance card?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Do you have a business card?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Do you have any letters from the school or district to you?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Is there a number I could call to verify your employment with a school?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Do you have anything, anything at all, with both your name on it, and the name of some kind of school or educational organization?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Well, I’m stumped. I can’t think of any other way that you could show that you’re a teacher.”

    Customer: “Wow, you really don’t make this easy for us, do you?”

    The Five-Minute Fan

    | Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Uncategorized

    (At the bookstore where I work, we sell tickets for local events.)

    Customer: “Hi. I’d like tickets.”

    Me: “Alright, for which show?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. I heard about it on the radio today, but I can’t remember who it is.”

    Me: “Did they say when the concert was?”

    Customer: “Um…”

    Me: “Was it coming up soon?”

    Customer: *shrugs*

    Me: “Do you remember anything at all about it?”

    Customer: “I think the guy’s name was…” *spews out a couple syllables as he tries to guess a name*

    Me: “Is it ***?”

    Customer: “Yeah! That’s the one! I want tickets for that show!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, that show is tonight, and it’s been sold out for the past week.”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “There haven’t been tickets available for a few days now.”

    Customer: “You’ve got to be kidding me! I’ve been waiting ages to go see this show, and now you’re telling me I can’t? This is ridiculous!”

    Spiritual, Not Psychic

    | Florida, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I would like help finding a book.”

    Me: “Sure, what’s the title?”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t know.”

    Me: “Okay, who is the author?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “Okay, can you tell me the subject and maybe we can still find it.”

    Customer: “It’s for a friend. It’s about spiritual something.”

    (I search ‘spiritual’ just to see what happens.)

    Me: “Okay, my computer is showing over 6,000 results. Is there anyway we can narrow the search?”

    Customer: “Isn’t that your job?”

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