The Dolly Llama’s New Groove

| New York, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(As I am organizing books on a display, I overhear this exchange.)

Customer 1: *pointing at a copy of “The Path to Tranquility”* “Ooh, look! That’s the Dalai Lama! I saw him once!”

Customer 2: “You saw him?”

Customer 1: “Yeah! He was in Florida doing a thing! I saw him out walking with all his little llamas.”

Customer 2: “Um, little LLAMAS?”

Customer 1: “Or dollies, whatever!”

Definitely Not To Be

| Ft. Myers, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hello, do you happen to have a copy of Hamlet?”

Me: “Yes we do. Let me show you to it.”

Customer: “Well, actually, do you have an audio version of it?”

Me: “Hmm, maybe. Let me look it up.”

Customer: “Okay, but can you make sure it’s one read by the author?”

Blimey Guv’nor, This Magazine Is A Bloody Good Read

| New Jersey, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Where are the magazines?”

Me: “Right here. If you have any questions, please ask.”

Customer: “Um, what’s the difference between Cosmo and UK Cosmo?”

Me: “Well, one is more expensive and it looks like they have different articles.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Do you know if UK Cosmo is written in an accent?”

(V)ery (A)bsent (T)hought

| London, UK | Uncategorized

(After confirming the price of every single item in a customer’s basket as it goes through the till, I finally hand her the receipt.)

Customer: “Wait, what’s this thing here? It was really expensive!” *points at item on her receipt*

Me: “That’s VAT.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “Value Added Tax.”

Customer: “I didn’t buy any of that.”

Animal Planet After Hours

| Kettering, OH, USA | Uncategorized

Manager: “Hi ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I just need a book for my grandson. It’s called Bestiality.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, what did you say it was called?”

Customer:Bestiality. He’s in second grade. It’s this series of books.”

Manager: “Ah, could you mean Beast Quest perhaps?”

Customer: “Yes, Beast Quest. What did I say?”

Manager: “Um…bestiality.”

(The customer’s eyes bug out as she turns every shade of red.)

Manager:Beast Quest is this way if you’ll follow me…”

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