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    Helping Is Its Own Reward (Card)

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Me: “Hello. Do you have a rewards card?”

    Customer: “No. Why would I want a stupid piece of plastic for?”

    Me: “Okay. That’ll be–”

    Customer: “What? Aren’t you going to lecture me on the benefits of your card?”

    Me: “Well, you get coupons and discounts.”

    Customer: “I don’t need that! Stop hounding me about your stupid piece of plastic!”

    Slightly Less Rare Than An Honest Politician

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA |

    Coworker: “Hi, how are you? Can I help you find anything today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for books by John Edwards.”

    Coworker: “The politician?”

    Customer: “Yes…he reads minds, you know.”

    Coworker: “Oh, you’re looking for John Edwards the psychic, not John Edwards the politician.”

    Customer: “They’re different people?!”

    The CSR Of Delphi

    | Indiana, USA |

    Me: “Good evening, thank you for calling [bookstore]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “My husband is going in for a CAT scan, and he’s kind of claustrophobic. I was wondering what kind of equipment they use?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I really don’t have that kind of information. Maybe if you called your doctor?”

    Caller: “It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday night! My doctor’s office is closed, duh! That’s why I’m asking you!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we really don’t have that information.”

    Caller: “Well, you have books, don’t you? Why don’t you just go and look it up in a book?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we do have a small selection of home reference medical books, but I can’t look it up for you.”

    Caller: “Well, you have an intercom, don’t you? Why don’t you just page a doctor and ask him to come to the phone and talk to me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We really aren’t allowed to do that sort of thing.”

    Caller: “Well, can you at least connect me with the information desk, or is that too much to ask?!”

    Me: “This is the information desk.”

    Caller: “Well, a fat lot of good you are!” *click*

    Land Of The Free, Home Of the Single-Minded

    | Boise, ID, USA |

    (This takes place in 2008, when George W. Bush was still president. A customer brings a book filled with his quotes to the register.)

    Customer: “What kind of nonsense is this? I can’t believe you guys would really sell these books here. He’s still our president, and he deserves respect!

    Me: “I’m sorry if the books offend you sir, but we offer them for customers who have different opinions.”

    Customer: “This is America! We should all have the same opinion!” *storms out with his purchase*

    Vampires Drink Blood, But It’s The Fans That Bite

    | New York, USA | Top

    (A customer in her late teens approaches me in the bookstore.)

    Customer: “Hey, do you guys sell the Twilight books?”

    Me: “Yes, they’re right over there.”

    Customer: “Have you read them?”

    Me: “Yes, I have.”

    Customer: “Didn’t you just LOVE them?!”

    Me: “Well, actually, they aren’t really my type of book, so–”

    Customer: *suddenly furious* “Are you f***ing serious?! These are the best books ever written! I’m going to tell Edward to come and bite you and drink all your blood!”

    Me: *backing away* “Have a nice day, ma’am…”

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