July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Those Who Definitely Can’t

| Santa Cruz, CA, USA | Top

Customer: “Hi, can you tell me about your Educator Appreciation Weekend?

Me: “Sure! Teachers normally get 20% off on things they buy for their classroom.”

Customer: “Okay, so how do I prove that I’m a teacher?”

Me: “Do you have a pay stub from your school?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a school ID?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a card from a teacher’s union?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a medical insurance card that shows that you’re on an educator plan?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Maybe a vision or dental insurance card?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a business card?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have any letters from the school or district to you?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Is there a number I could call to verify your employment with a school?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have anything, anything at all, with both your name on it, and the name of some kind of school or educational organization?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Well, I’m stumped. I can’t think of any other way that you could show that you’re a teacher.”

Customer: “Wow, you really don’t make this easy for us, do you?”

The Five-Minute Fan

| Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Uncategorized

(At the bookstore where I work, we sell tickets for local events.)

Customer: “Hi. I’d like tickets.”

Me: “Alright, for which show?”

Customer: “I don’t know. I heard about it on the radio today, but I can’t remember who it is.”

Me: “Did they say when the concert was?”

Customer: “Um…”

Me: “Was it coming up soon?”

Customer: *shrugs*

Me: “Do you remember anything at all about it?”

Customer: “I think the guy’s name was…” *spews out a couple syllables as he tries to guess a name*

Me: “Is it ***?”

Customer: “Yeah! That’s the one! I want tickets for that show!”

Me: “Unfortunately, that show is tonight, and it’s been sold out for the past week.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “There haven’t been tickets available for a few days now.”

Customer: “You’ve got to be kidding me! I’ve been waiting ages to go see this show, and now you’re telling me I can’t? This is ridiculous!”

Spiritual, Not Psychic

| Florida, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I would like help finding a book.”

Me: “Sure, what’s the title?”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay, who is the author?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay, can you tell me the subject and maybe we can still find it.”

Customer: “It’s for a friend. It’s about spiritual something.”

(I search ‘spiritual’ just to see what happens.)

Me: “Okay, my computer is showing over 6,000 results. Is there anyway we can narrow the search?”

Customer: “Isn’t that your job?”

Re-Vamping Dracula

| El Paso, TX, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I need to get a refund for this book. You gave me the wrong book.”

Me: “Didn’t you ask for Dracula?”

Customer: “No! I read this book and it is nothing like the movie.”

Me: “Actually, Francis Ford Coppola completely re-wrote the story when he filmed his version of Dracula. I can help you find that version, if you’d like.”

Customer: “No! I want the Van Helsing version.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Yeah, in Van Helsing, Van Helsing is the main character and he fights Dracula and Frankenstein.”

Me: “That film is a complete work of fiction. Van Helsing never fought Frankenstein or Frankenstein’s monster.”

Customer: “Yes he did! The movie said so! What do you know?”

Me: “Bram Stroker was a little boy when Mary Shelley died, so she never read Dracula.”

Customer: “I think you are lying. The movie and Hugh Jackman would never lie!” *storms off*

Customer #2: *overhearing* “I hate Hollywood.”

How Not To Get Into Their Good Books

| Florida, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, thanks for calling [bookstore], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, how much are your books?”

Me: “What book were you looking for?”

Caller: “No, your books. How much are they?”

Me: “They are all priced differently. Are you looking for one in particular?”

Caller: “No.” *click*

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