Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • It’s Not An Otto Biography

    | Marietta, GA, USA |

    Me: “What can I help you find today?”

    Customer: “Do you guys have The Diary of Anne Frank?”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s right over here in Biographies under ‘F’. Let me grab it for you.”

    Customer: “Oh, good! I’ve always wondered who wrote that!”

    Big Brother Strikes Again

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Can I have today’s New York Times?”

    Me: “Sure.” *grabbing a newspaper*

    Customer: *spotting a headline* “This government and their invasion of privacy! The mind-control devices are next, mark my word.”

    Me: *thinking he was kidding* “I wouldn’t doubt it, sir.”

    Customer: “Yep, when I was in the service, they experimented on me with those. Me and few other guys, we got chips implanted in our heads, and they conducted mind-control tests on us. It’s still in there. *points at scar on forehead and laughs* “They’re always watching!”

    Shopping, Time Travel…It’s Going To Be A Busy Day

    | Portland, OR, USA |

    (It’s 5:30am and I’m in the back office, getting register tills ready for the day, when the store phone rings.)

    Caller: “Hi, can you tell me what today is?”

    Me: “Uh, Saturday. Can I help you with something?”

    Caller: “Hmm. What’s the date?”

    Me: “March 19th.”

    Caller: “But what YEAR?”

    Me: “…2008. Sir, is there something I can help you with?”

    Caller: “What day is it again?”

    Me: *getting frustrated* “Sir, it’s Saturday, March 19th, 2008 and it’s 5:34am, in the morning. Now is there something here in the bookstore I can help you with?”

    Caller: “What? Oh, yeah. I just want to put a CD on hold.”

    Speechless In Savannah

    | Savannah, GA, USA |

    Me: “Hello, sir. This is Kristy and I’m calling to let you know the book you ordered has come in.”

    Customer: “Can I ask your name?”

    Me: “Um, Kristy?”

    Customer: “Well Kristy, I’m Steve. We’ve never met, but I can tell by your voice that you’re a beautiful person with pretty eyes. And I’m going to tell you that in the years you work at that store, one day a guy will come in and it might be me, but I won’t tell you my name so you’ll never know it was me and you’ll always think, ‘I wonder if that was that Steve guy?’ But if you guess, I’ll take you out to dinner. You have a good day now.”

    Me: “…”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    He Fought The Law, And The Law Won

    | Concord, CA | Awesome Customers, Top

    (A man has been causing a ruckus at the registers for ten minutes and a line had formed behind him.)

    Man: “I’m a lawyer and I know my rights! If you don’t take this return I’m going to sue the living s*** out of you.”

    (A woman in a professional-looking business suit steps up to the register. In a cool professional voice, she asks to see the receipt that the man is waving. After a moment’s inspection, she gives him a hard stare over the rim of her glasses.)

    Woman: “Sir, the store’s return policy is clearly printed on your receipt. They cannot take back opened CDs.”

    Man: “But–”

    Woman: “FURTHERMORE, by purchasing from this store, you are accepting the store’s return policy as a signed contract that you agreed to abide by.”

    Man: “I–”

    Woman: “IN ADDITION, by blatantly trying to circumvent this contract signed by you, no judge would rule in your favor.”

    Man: “But I–”

    Woman: “If you really were a lawyer, you would be fully aware of this fact. By claiming to be a lawyer when you are clearly NOT, you are committing an act of fraud, which can get you arrested.”

    (The man turns white and flees the store without another peep.)

    Woman: “I’ve had eight years’ experience working behind the registers, dealing with people like him. MAN, that felt GOOD!”

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