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    Working Smarter, Not Harder

    | Fairbanks, AK, USA |

    (I am a girl working the customer service counter. A male customer comes up with eerily direct eye contact.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I would like books on seduction.”

    Me: “All right. If you follow me, I’ll show you to our relationship section.”

    (I walk him over to the section.)

    Customer: “I want books on seduction.”

    Me: “Well, here is ‘relationships’ and on the other side of the aisle are the more intimate books. So between those I believe you can find what you’re looking for.”

    Customer: “All right, I’ll look at these.”

    (I return to the customer service desk. The customer returns a few minutes later.)

    Me: “Anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Do you have any books on hypnosis?”

    Me: “…”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Love The Art, Hate His Parts

    | Orem, UT, USA | Top

    (A young woman walks up to the registers with a book.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return this notebook.”

    Me: “Is there something wrong with it?”

    Customer: “Yes, there’s a naked man on the front cover.”

    Me: “Uh, that’s Leonardo Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man.”

    Customer: “He’s naked.”

    Me: “It’s a five hundred-year-old drawing.”

    Customer: *hissing* “HE’S NAKED.”

    Me: “…would you like store credit?”

    Backordered Compliments

    | Canada |

    Customer: “Hey, how good is this book?” *holds a fantasy book*

    Me: “I don’t know, I haven’t read it. But you might want to start with the first one in the series, if we have it right now…”

    Customer: “You haven’t read it? You’re gotta be kidding me! Really, they hire anyone these days. I guess I’ll try it, then. You said it’s not the first
    one?”

    Me: “No, and it seems that we don’t have the first book in this series. If you want, you can leave your name and number and we will call you if someone sells it.”

    Customer: “No, no, that will be fine. I’ll just come back. When will you get it?”

    Me: “I don’t know, sir. We’re a used books store. We only get books when people sell them to us.”

    Customer: “I know that, I’m not stupid! When will someone sell you this book?”

    Me: “I don’t know, sir.”

    Customer: *rolls his eyes* “I can’t believe they hired you. I bet it’s only because you’re pretty!”

    Me: “Er…thanks, I guess?”

    How About Long Johnson Silver

    | Kansas, USA |

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need that book about the whale and the guy trying to get it.”

    Me: “Oh, Moby Dick? It’s right back here.”

    Customer: “WHAT?! I don’t want a book about dick! EW!”

    Me: “Um…Moby Dick is about the white whale and Captain Ahab. By Herman Melville. It’s a classic.”

    Customer: “Oh. Do you have any copies with a manlier title?”

    The Best Of Intentions, The Worst Of Retentions

    | Gainesville, FL, USA |

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hello ma’am, this is **** Bookstore. I’m calling to let you know the book you ordered has come in.”

    Customer: “What? You’re who?”

    Me: “This is **** Bookstore. You ordered a book from us and it’s here.”

    Customer: “I ordered a book?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “I don’t remember ordering anything.”

    Me: “The order sticker says you ordered it last week. The title is Improving Your Memory.”

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