November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Not So Beautiful Mind

| Alberta, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a book based off a movie. Life is Beautiful, I think?”

Me: “I don’t believe Life is Beautiful” was originally a book. Are you perhaps thinking of A Beautiful Mind?”

Customer: “Yes! Yes that’s the one! Get me that one! It’s the one about World War II. And the guy is burned. And there’s a French Nurse. That’s the book I want!”

Me: “That actually sounds like The English Patient by Michael Ondaatje. I can grab a copy of that for you!”

Customer: “Yes! The English Patient. That sounds right. But Michael Ondaatje, that sounds like a foreign name. No, The English Patient wasn’t written by a foreigner. Do you have a copy that wasn’t written by Ondaatje? I want that story, but I want it written by a Canadian.”

Me: “So you want a copy of The English Patient that is not written by Michael Ondaatje?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s what I want. Do you have any copies of that story written by Margaret Atwood? I do like her.”

Me: “No. I really don’t think we do.”

Customer: “Oh. Do you think any of your other stores might?”

Me: “I doubt it, ma’am.”

Fish Trek 2: It All Goes Downstream From Here

| Colorado, USA | Colorado, USA | Top

Customer: “This book looks interesting. How do I watch it?”

Me: “Watch it?”

Customer: “Yes, where can I find the movie?”

Me: “I don’t think this book has been adapted into a movie.”

Customer: “What do you mean? Where can I go to watch it? I want to know what happens in the book!”

Me: “Forgive me for asking, but if you want to know what happens, why not just read it?”

Customer: “Read? How stupid! Where’s the movie! All books are made into movies so that we don’t have to read them!”

Me: “I am sorry, I can’t help you. This is a bookstore. Only popular books–usually adventure stories–are adapted into movies. I am quite sure that this book hasn’t been made into a movie.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “Because it’s a fishing manual.”

Last Of The NonFictions

| Edmonton, AB, USA | Uncategorized

(I am a customer and I have been looking all over for a certain book. I see someone reading it.)

Me: “Excuse me, but could you show me where you found that?”

Girl: “Yeah, just follow me!”

(She leads me to a shelf of books.)

Girl: “I found it right there!”

Me: “I don’t see it.”

Girl: “Oh, that’s because I took the last one!”

Rebuilding Frankenstein

| New England, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Can you help me find to “Frankenstein” trilogy by James Patterson?”

Me: “Sir, I think maybe you mean Dean Koontz.”

Customer: “No. Patterson wrote it.”

Me: “OK, one moment, let me get that for you.”

(I return with the first book of Dean Koontz’s Frankenstein trilogy).)

Me: “Is this what you wanted?”

Customer: “Yeah. That’s the one. I need the fourth book in the trilogy.”

Me: “I believe there are only three books in the trilogy.”

Customer: “No, I read online. There are four.”

Me: “Alright. One minute, please.”

(I return with the third book in the trilogy.)

Me: “Is this what you needed?”

Customer: “Yeah. That’s it. Have you read these?”

Me: “Yes I have. I thought they were a wonderful re-imagining of Mary Shelley. I really enjoyed Koontz’s ideas about the monster.”

Customer: “Yeah but he didn’t even put Frankenstein in the books. Just some scientist guy. What kind of a name is Victor anyway?”

Re-Vamping Dracula

A-B-C, Easy As D-U-H

| Massachusetts, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hey, can you help me find this book?”

Me: “Sure.”

(He holds up a piece of paper with the title and author of a book on it. I find it on the shelves and hand it to him.)

Customer: “Thanks! How’d you do that so fast?”

Me: “Well, I’ve worked here awhile, and the books are all in alphabetical order by author’s name.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Alphabetical order. Like the alphabet song? You know, A’s before B’s?”

(He looks confused, but then widens his eyes.)

Customer: “The letters actually go in that order? I thought that song was just to remember them all!”