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    Gifted At Bad Gift Wrapping

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Holidays, Love/Romance, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Would you like me to gift wrap that for you?”

    Customer: “Yes. But can you make it look a bit crap so my girlfriend thinks I did it?”

    Wait Until She Hears The Truth About Santa

    | MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer walks into the store, explaining ‘Elf on the Shelf’ to her sister. It is a toy resembling one of Santa’s elves, who sits on a shelf in a child’s room.)

    Customer: “You tell the kids he’s watching them. At night, he flies back to the North Pole to tell Santa if they’re being good. Then you put him someplace else, like he moved while they were sleeping.”

    (The customer sees that we have the plush stuffed elf.)

    Customer: “This is the one they can take to bed. You can’t touch the other one or he loses his magic and can’t fly to the North Pole anymore.”

    Customer’s Sister: “How can you move him around if you can’t touch him?”

    Customer: “…he’s not really magic.”

    Don’t Be Forward, Just Lean Forward

    | Springfield, VA, USA | Books & Reading, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (A customer with rather large breasts approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me; can you help me please?”

    Me: “Of course, ma’am. What can I help you find today?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for books about plastic surgery.”

    Me: “Ah, I see. Well, let’s just look on the computer and see what we can come up with. Do you have a particular area you’re interested in reading about?”

    Customer: “I bet you can’t guess!”

    Me: “I wouldn’t want to be forward!”

    Customer: “Well, breast reduction surgery, then. Shy, aren’t you?”

    Me: “Just a little, yes. Let’s see what I can find.”

    Customer: “I’m always having back problems! These are just too big; I want to see if I can get them smaller.”

    Me: “It’s probably best to check with a doctor first, but maybe we can find something that will help you know what questions to ask.”

    Customer: “Well, don’t you agree they’re too big?”

    Me: “Er, again, I wouldn’t like to be forward.”

    Customer: “Oh, come on. You can touch them and see how big they are for yourself!”

    Me: “WHAT!”

    Customer: “C’mon, touch ‘em!”

    (The customer reaches for my wrist.)

    Me: “No, that’s okay!”

    Customer: “TOUCH MY PUPPIES!”

    Me: “Let me see if I can find someone more experienced with this.”

    Customer: “Why won’t shy guys touch my breasts!?”

    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 4

    | NC, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I am helping a customer with a return. Due to past misuses of the system, our registers are set to only do returns in the original payment method, or as a store gift card.)

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, this was done as debit. I can either put it on a gift card, or back onto the same card, if you have it on you.”

    Customer: “What? Debit’s the same as cash! Why can’t I get cash?”

    Me: “I apologize, but that’s our policy. We can only do it in the method it was originally done, or store credit.”

    Customer: “Well that’s just wrong. Debit is the same as cash! Everywhere!”

    Me: “I understand, and I am sorry, but these are the only options I’m allowed.”

    Customer: *handing me her card* “Well fine, put it back on the card.”

    Me: *as I slide the card* “It may take one or two business days to show back up. Here’s your copy of the return, and I hope you have a nice day.”

    Customer: *reading her return receipt* “Hey! It says credit on here! I paid debit!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. The system has to credit it back to your card. It looks a little weird, but the money is going back.”

    Customer: “If I use credit, I’ll be fined! My card doesn’t do credit! That first receipt said debit!”

    Me: “Yes, the original purchase is definitely debit. Ma’am, it’s not charging your card; it’s crediting money back. I don’t know your particular bank, but there’s never been an issue—”

    Customer: “What is your name? If there’s a problem, I want to know. And give me that original receipt back. It says debit.”

    Me: “I’m [Name]. Give me just a second to copy some info off this receipt onto the return, and you’ll have it right back.”

    (At this point, the customer is fed up, and leaves without waiting for her original receipt. I staple it to the return, and turn to help the next customer. Several days later, the same customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Hi. I was in here a couple of days ago, and you were helping me with a return. I… just wanted to apologize for the way I treated you. I was having a bad day, and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

    Me: “Oh! Thank you! I take it the return processed as it should?”

    Customer: “Yes. But even if it hadn’t, there’s no excuse for the way I was acting.”

    Me: “Well, thank you. Everyone has a bad day now and then.”

    (Her making a point to return and say sorry was such a pleasant surprise; it improved the whole rest of my shift.)

    Related:
    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 3
    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 2

    Getting Lost In Books

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (The bookstore I work in is in a mall, close to a grocery store. I work in the kids section, in the back. I’m working on my knees, placing some products, when I overhear a conversation between a mother and her kid.)

    Mother: *to her kid* “You stay here; I’ll be back later.”

    Me: “Excuse me? You can’t leave your kid here.”

    Mother: “Why? I have to do my groceries.”

    Me: “That doesn’t matter; kids can’t be left unattended.”

    (The mother huffs and leaves with her kid directly out of the store. A few minutes later, my coworker approaches me.)

    Coworker: “Why did that woman tell her kid you were a big meanie?”


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