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    Don’t Kid Around About Sex And Violence

    | Huntsville, AL, USA |

    Me: “Can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “I was in the airport and saw this book it was blue and said something about a ranger. It looked really good, so I was trying to find it here.”

    Me: “Sounds like The Rangers Apprentice series. It’s a kids’ book.”

    Customer: “No, it couldn’t be a kids’ book. It looked really interesting.”

    (Several minutes ensue of trying to find anything else that it could be. I ask him to wait a moment while I check the kids’ section and get the newest Rangers apprentice book and return.)

    Me: “Is this it?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “That’s the book I was telling you about. It’s technically a kids’ series, but it’s still a good book–just without the sex and violence.”

    Customer: “None at all? But that’s why I read them!”

    Contains Crosswords, Sudoku and Tentacles

    | UK |

    (A respectable looking man in his 50′s approaches.)

    Customer: “Hi! Do you sell hentai puzzle magazines?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “Hentai puzzles. My daughter likes them.”

    Me: “Could you mean Hanjei puzzles? (Note: Hanjei is a popular puzzle magazine.)

    At A Loss For Words

    | NJ, USA |

    (A younger teenager comes into the store with his dad.)

    Customer: “My teacher says I need to get a book for school.”

    Me: “What’s the title?”

    Customer: “I think it was something like ‘Col-ij-it’. Yeah, that’s definitely it.”

    Me: “How would you spell it?”

    Customer: “C, O, L, I, J, I, T?”

    (I search, and nothing comes up.)

    Me: “Do you know the author?”

    Customer: “I know it was a girl. Maybe like Maryanne? Something like that?”

    Me: “Do you mean you need a Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary?”

    Customer: “I don’t know, but I’m not going to college or anything.”

    The Grinch Who Shocked Christmas

    | PA, USA |

    (It is December and Christmas decorations have been recently put up throughout town. I recognize our town manager, in the store. She is responsible for all the towns’ decorations.)

    Me: *as I am ringing up her books* “I love all the lights downtown!”

    Town Manager: “Thank you!”

    Me: “My favorite is the reindeer topiary garden!”

    Town Manager: *scowling* “Well they do look nice, but unfortunately the children like them too.

    Me: *confused* “Excuse me?”

    Town Manager: “The children! They are always trying to touch the reindeer.”

    Me: “I’m sure they’re very excited about Christmas, and hearing all about Rudolph.”

    Town Manager: “The decorations are for looking at! Not for touching! I suggested electricity but no one liked that idea.”

    Me: “You suggested what?”

    Town Manager: “Just a light jolt, to discourage the children!”

    (I am stunned and silent.)

    Town Manager: “No, no one else liked that idea either.”

    Me: “Here are your books! Happy holidays!”

    Social Faux Pa Pa

    | Pennsylvania, USA |

    Child: “Daddy! Look at this!”

    (The father comes over to find his child looking at an adult magazine.)

    Father: *to me* “What the h*** is wrong with you? How can you let a 6-year-old boy look at this smut?!”

    Me: *ringing up another customer* “Sir, I’m with another customer right now.”

    Father: *waving the magazine in my face* “He is way too young for this! Why didn’t you stop him from looking at this?” *he starts screaming obscenities*

    (My manager walks by as this is happening.)

    Manager: “Sir, she is a cashier, not a babysitter. It is not her job to watch your child, it is yours. She was doing her job when you came up to scream at her. Now get out before I call the police.”

    (The man looks embarrassed as he leads his son out. A minute later, he walks back in.)

    Father: *mumbles* “I forgot my other son.”

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