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    Did They Even Finish Elementary, My Dear Watson?

    | NJ, USA | Books & Reading

    Caller: “Hi I’m looking for the hounds…er hound of baskerville?”

    Me: “Oh, of course. You mean the Sherlock Holmes novel?”

    Caller: “Oh, my! I didn’t know Sherlock Holmes actually wrote that one!”

    Your Argument Doesn’t Hold Water

    | Tempe, AZ, USA | Books & Reading, Math & Science, School

    (At the college bookstore where I work, students can sell their books back for cash at the end of the semester.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I won’t be able to buy your textbook back because of the water damage.”

    (I flip through the book’s crinkled, sticky pages.)

    Student: “Oh, it’s okay. It’s not water damage, it’s humidity. I went on vacation to Missouri and it was humid.”

    Me: “I still can’t take your book back because I cannot sell this to another student in this condition.”

    Student: “But it’s not water damage! It’s humidity! Humidity made the pages stick together!”

    Me: “Ma’am, what is humidity?”

    Student: “Water, duh!”

    (There’s a pause while the wheels begin to turn in her head.)

    Student: “Oh…can you help me find my other books, then?”

    Misunderstood Comic Strip

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA |

    (Two middle aged women approach me.)

    Customer 1: “Excuse me? Can you help me find something?”

    Me: “Sure, ma’am. What are you looking for? Gift ideas maybe?”

    Customer 1: “Yes exactly, I need a present that will interest a 14 year old boy.”

    Customer 2: *interjecting* “But not porn!”

    Me: “I think I can accommodate those taxing conditions.”

    Questionable Answers

    | GA, USA |

    (I’m in the comics section, helping a man find a present for his daughter. I’ve picked up a book by a popular artist.)

    Customer: “It looks nice, but I already got her one of these things for her birthday. I don’t want to give her the same gift twice.”

    Me: “Are you sure? This book came out pretty recently. Did yours have the same title as this one?”

    Customer: “I don’t remember.”

    Me: “Did the cover have the same colors as this?”

    Customer: “I don’t remember.”

    Me: “Is there anything you recall about the book you got for her birthday?”

    Customer: *after a long, thoughtful pause* “It was made of paper!”

    Life Is Stranger Than Fiction, Part 2

    | Washington DC, USA |

    Customer: “I’m looking for a book. Something about glass. Breaking glass?”

    Me: “Well, do you know if it’s fiction or nonfiction?”

    Customer: “Sorry. What?”

    Me: “Is it real or imaginary?”

    Customer: “I mean, it’s real. How do you imagine a book? Is that what audio books are?”

    Related:
    Life Is Stranger Than Fiction


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