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    This Deal Is A Steal

    | Iceland | Criminal/Illegal, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m assisting a tourist that is looking for a t-shirt to take home with pictures of Iceland on them.)

    Me: “Well, we don’t sell those t-shirts but there are quite a few of them down town and I know of one that has a 3 for 2 special offer on t-shirts.”

    Customer: “Could you also explain to me what a 3 for 2 offer is?”

    Me: “Sure, it means that you get 3 t-shirts for the price of 2.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand, so we steal the 3rd one? Isn’t shoplifting illegal here like in the states?”

    Me: “Yes, shoplifting is illegal here, but you wouldn’t be stealing the 3rd shirt. It just means that you choose 3 t-shirts and pay for 2 and then get the 3rd as a free gift sort of.”

    Customer: “I don’t get it.”

    Me: “You choose 3 t-shirts, and as the sales person scans them in to the register you get a 100% discount on the 3rd t-shirt. Therefore, you’ll get it for free with the other 2.”

    Customer: “I’ll go down there, but if they arrest me for shoplifting, I’m telling the police that you told me to!”

    Judging By Their Cover

    | Augusta, GA, USA | Books & Reading, Spouses & Partners

    (I’m stocking the front-of-store. A couple asks me for help.)

    Wife: “Hi, we’re looking for a gift for a really weird friend of ours. He’s really hard to shop for.”

    Me: “Sure, what sort of thing are you looking for?”

    Husband: “No, he’s really weird. He actually likes to read books.”

    Wife: “Hush, honey. He works in a bookstore. He’s probably weird too.”

    Totally, Like, Aguamenti

    | Lawrenceville, NJ, USA | Books & Reading

    Customer: “I’d like to get a new copy of this book.”

    (The customer puts a very wet Harry Potter book on the desk.)

    Customer: “It got wrecked and I really want to finish it.”

    Me: “No problem. How did you ruin it?”

    Customer: “It was very good…”

    *pause*

    Me: “…and?”

    Customer: *slightly sheepish* “I was reading it in the shower.”

    Related:
    Totally, Like, Excruciatus

    Did They Even Finish Elementary, My Dear Watson?

    | NJ, USA | Books & Reading

    Caller: “Hi I’m looking for the hounds…er hound of baskerville?”

    Me: “Oh, of course. You mean the Sherlock Holmes novel?”

    Caller: “Oh, my! I didn’t know Sherlock Holmes actually wrote that one!”

    Your Argument Doesn’t Hold Water

    | Tempe, AZ, USA | Books & Reading, Math & Science, School

    (At the college bookstore where I work, students can sell their books back for cash at the end of the semester.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I won’t be able to buy your textbook back because of the water damage.”

    (I flip through the book’s crinkled, sticky pages.)

    Student: “Oh, it’s okay. It’s not water damage, it’s humidity. I went on vacation to Missouri and it was humid.”

    Me: “I still can’t take your book back because I cannot sell this to another student in this condition.”

    Student: “But it’s not water damage! It’s humidity! Humidity made the pages stick together!”

    Me: “Ma’am, what is humidity?”

    Student: “Water, duh!”

    (There’s a pause while the wheels begin to turn in her head.)

    Student: “Oh…can you help me find my other books, then?”

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