The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5

| Evansville, IN, USA | Books & Reading, Top

(I am checking out at a local book store and the clerk recognizes my book, Howl’s Moving Castle, and decides to make conversation. There’s another customer behind me in line. She’s in her mid-40s.)

Clerk: “Oh, I loved this movie, but I didn’t realize it was a book!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s one of my favorites! The book is so much better than the movie. It gives a whole new perspective on everything!”

Clerk: “Then I’ll be sure to check it–”

Customer behind me: *eyes full of excitement* “Are you talking about Twilight?”

Clerk and me, together: “NO.”

Related:
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
The Twilight Of Our Literacy

Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3

| Vestavia, AL, USA | Books & Reading, Top

(A customer approaches me with a box set of the Twilight novels.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a gift for my 13 year old granddaughter and I think she would like these. My wife said to look at them. Don’t they promote abstinence?”

Me: “Well, sort of. The two main characters do end up sleeping together in the final book, though they are married. There’s some uncomfortable gore, though. I wouldn’t recommend it for a 13 year old.”

Customer: *confused* “I was told these would be great for her. What kind of gore do you mean?”

Me: “Well, the girl ends up getting pregnant with a half-vampire baby and, er, the male main character sort of rips it out of her with his teeth.”

Customer: *drops books in horror* “That’s horrific! And these are for teenage girls? Why would people read that?”

Me: “I wonder the same thing myself, sir.”

Related:
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
Less Twilight, More Daylight

Artificial Turf Is Shelved Under Fiction

| Bergen, Norway | Books & Reading

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you sell artificial turf?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. Maybe you could try the DIY store next door.”

(For some reason, this response makes the customer very angry. I can practically see the smoke coming out of his ears.)

Customer: “Well, are you a bookstore or are you not?!”

The Literal, The Literary, And The Aviary

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

(A teenage customer walks in. She looks around for a while, but it seems she can’t find what she’s looking for.)

Me: “Do you need any help, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for the book that teaches you how to kill birds.”

Me: “We have a few hunting books in non-fiction if that’s what your looking for.”

Customer: “No. This book is fiction. It’s called How To Kill A Bird or something.”

Me: “Are you talking about To Kill a Mockingbird?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s it! Could you tell me where that is?”

Wingardium Laziosa

| Livingston, NJ, USA | Books & Reading

Customer: “I can’t find the Cliff’s Notes for Harry Potter. Could you order them for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, they don’t make Cliff’s Notes for Harry Potter.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous. They have Cliff’s Notes for everything. Why don’t you look it up?”

Me: “Actually, they don’t have Cliff’s Notes for everything, especially not for children’s books.”

Customer: “They aren’t children’s books.”

Me: “They’re shelved in the children’s section.”

Customer: “Adults read them too. You don’t have them so I’d like to order them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but they don’t exist.”

Customer: “That’s a lie. There’s a computer right in front of you. Look up Cliff’s Notes and find them!”

(I look up Cliff’s Notes and show the customer the extensive list. After a few minutes of frustrated searching, she gives up.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I want to know what they’re about, but I don’t want to read them.”

Me: “May I suggest the movies, in that case?”

Customer: “I’m not stupid! I’ve seen the movies! I just don’t want to read the books!”

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