I see a customer with an armful of Bibles. He’s heading towards the fiction section. I approach him.

Me: “Sir, please put those back.”

Customer: “Why? How do you know I’m not going to buy them?”

I hold up my hand.

Me: “Look, drop the act. We all know you’re going to put these in the fiction section because you think it’s funny. But you’re the fifth person to do it this month and it’s not funny; it’s just a lot more work for us to find them and put them back. If you’re going to actually buy them, then the checkout is in the opposite direction from where you’re walking. If not, please just hand them over so I can put them away correctly.”

To his credit, he looked defeated and handed them all over.

I work in a store in a wealthy neighborhood. Three or four women come into the kids’ department with several children, all quite young. The women sit themselves down in the storytime area to chat and sip coffee. The children are running all around, completely ignored by the adults, and I am doing my best to straighten in their wake. One little girl who can’t be more than three has discovered the “Dora the Explorer” display.

Girl: “Dora!”

Me: “Yes, that’s Dora.”

Girl: *Grabs another toy* “Um…”

Me: “That’s Swiper.”

Girl: *Suddenly terrified and starting to sniffle* “SWIPER, NO SWIPING! SWIPER, NO SWIPING!”

Me: “Oh, honey, it’s okay. Swiper won’t swipe anything while I’m here.”

Woman: “Why are you talking to my daughter?”

Me: “She seemed upset, ma’am, so I was—”

Woman: “You don’t need to talk to my daughter. You’re the help.”

Me: “…”

Woman: “Just do your job and don’t bother us.”

So, I do. I go and begin shelving books, ignoring the children. In less than ten minutes, the noise is such that the adults can’t hear themselves think.

Woman: “You need to manage these children better.”

Me: “Ma’am, you’ve already directed me to ‘just do my job,’ and looking after the children is not it.”

Woman: “I spend a lot of money in this store!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. The Dora doll your daughter is chewing on is $5, and the book she tore the cover off of is also $5. What else will you be purchasing today?”

The women gathered up their kids and left. I learned later that the woman complained about me to a manager, but the manager made it clear that my job was not to babysit. She was also apparently forced to buy the toy and book her daughter damaged.

This story is part of our Best Of April 2021 roundup!

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A customer comes up with “They Both Die at the End” by Adam Silvera. 

Customer: “What’s this book about? Is it the same as the new TV show?”

I explain the plot.

Customer: “It sounds depressing. I don’t think you should stock this anymore.”

Me: “Well, it’s not up to me; it’s up to my boss. I read it myself and there are some sad parts, but overall, it’s a good book.”

Customer: “I still don’t like it. I wouldn’t approve of my daughter reading this, anyway.”

Me: “That’s completely up to you.”

Customer: “Yeah, I don’t know why she likes all these teen books. She just graduated college. She should be reading authors like Judy Blume or that one author with the book about fires. The one with the Asian name.”

She set down the book on the counter and purchased some romance novels.

I am restocking magazines. Two older women approach me.

Woman #1: “Excuse me, miss. Do you carry, um…”

Her voice trails off and she mumbles something.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I didn’t hear you.”

Woman #1: *Almost whispering* “I’m looking for Playboy.”

Woman #2: “Oh, for heaven’s sake, just say it!”

Me: “Playboy is kept up at the registers; just ask the cashier.”

Woman #2: *At full volume* “She’s getting a boob job!”

Woman #1: “Not so loud!”

Woman #2: “And she’s going to eyeball all the bunnies and pick out her new tits!”

The first woman almost ran away, her friend right behind her. I never did find out if she got up the courage to buy a “Playboy.”

My girlfriend’s birthday is coming up. She’s a huge bookworm, so I decide to get her a fifty-dollar gift card for a chain bookstore. The cashier seems very friendly as she rings me up.

Cashier: “Out of curiosity, who’s this for?”

Me: “My girlfriend. Her birthday’s next week.”

Cashier: “Oh, cool. What else are you getting her?”

Me: “Uh, this? This is her gift.”

Suddenly, the cashier is no longer so friendly.

Cashier: “This is it? The only thing you’re getting her is a gift card for a bookstore?”

Me: *Pauses* “Yeah. She loves books.”

Cashier: *Muttering* “Someone’s gonna be single next week.”

I was incredibly shocked. I tried not to let her response bother me, but since this was my first serious relationship, I couldn’t stop thinking about what that cashier had said. Plus, money was tight, so I had already spent time saving up for that gift card. Luckily, my girlfriend absolutely loved it and, knowing my money situation, even chastised me for spending so much money on her! We’re married now, by the way.