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    It’s Imaginary Dog Eat Dog

    | UK | Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am in a large second-hand bookshop that allows dogs as long as they are leashed. There are signs prominently displayed with that information. I am sitting in a small lounge area and nearby are coffee machines and plates of biscuits bought on the honesty system. You take what you want and drop money in a box. I get up and leave my 14-year-old, very well behaved, miniature poodle, Fred, by the chair, with the handle of his lead under a chair leg. As I get coffee I do not see Fred take a few steps forward and, friendly, approach another dog which snarls and barks at him. I turn around to see Fred sit back down by the chair. I ask the owners of the other dog if everything is all right and they apologise for their dog’s aggressiveness. Neither dog came into contact with each other and the other dog has calmed down. No harm done. I sit down and a customer sitting next to me speaks:)

    Customer: “They shouldn’t allow dogs in here. They were fighting.”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir. Dogs are permitted. There are signs all over the place and these dogs were not fighting. There was a small altercation but everything is fine now.”

    Customer: “You should get those dogs out of here. I know the owner. I’ll complain.”

    Me: “Go and complain, then. See how far it gets you.”

    (He leaves and minutes later the owner of the shop approaches with the man and asks about the ‘dog fight.’ I and the owners of the other dog explain what happened and a member of staff who witnessed everything confirms our version of events. The man is by now red faced and clearly angry and the owner turns to him:)

    Owner: “You lied to me, sir. You said there was a dog fight but the dogs never came into contact with each other.”

    Customer: “But dogs should not be allowed in here.”

    Owner: “This is my shop. I decide if dogs come in here and these dogs are welcome. I also decide which humans come in here and you are no longer welcome. Get out and don’t come back.”

    (Moments passed before the man realised he lost and he left. The best part of the story? When I sat back down Fred and the other dog were sitting side by side happily sniffing each other as if they had known each other for years.)

    Keeping It One Place Is EXACTLY What A Store Does

    | Sault Ste. Marie, MI, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

    Customer: “Where are your Jean Auel books?”

    Me: “Oh, those are in historical fiction, the next aisle over.”

    Customer: “Ugh, why can’t you put everything in the same place so I don’t have to walk?”

    Lost In Holy Translation

    | Australia | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Religion

    Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hey, do you have The Bible?”

    Me: “Yeah, heaps. Let me—”

    Customer: “No.” *looking at phone* “I need The Bible by the author… King James!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Do you have it?”

    Me: “Sure…”

    Trying To Go Beyond Beyonders

    | USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (I’m working in the kids’ section of our bookstore.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for the fourth book in the ‘Beyonders’ series.”

    Me: “Oh, well, ‘Beyonders’ is a trilogy.”

    Customer: “Okay. Do you have the fourth book?”

    Me: “It’s a trilogy, so there isn’t a fourth book. But I can show you some of the other books by that author. He’s pretty popular!”

    Customer: “No, my son wants the fourth book of the Beyonders, not something else. Can you order it for me?”

    Me: “No, because there isn’t a fourth book.”

    Customer: “My son SAID he wants the FOURTH BOOK. Just show me where they are and I’ll find it myself.”

    (I show her where the three books are. After combing through the shelf for five minutes, the woman leaves empty handed and angry.)

    Customer: “I’ll just order it online!”

    Doesn’t Have The Gift(card) Of Foresight

    | Miami, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Books & Reading, Money

    (I have previously worked for a large bookstore chain that went out of business. I now work at their competitor.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Current Bookstore] in South Miami. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, do you guys accept [Previous Bookstore]’s gift cards?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t. They were a different company, so they’re not valid here.”

    Caller: “But when I go to their website it redirects me to yours!”

    Me: “Yes. When the company closed, [Current Bookstore] bought their domain, and I believe their mailing lists, but they were never actually affiliated with them.”

    Caller: “So you don’t accept their gift cards?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but no. They were a different company. ”

    Caller: “So what am I supposed to do with this gift card?”

    Me: “I’m afraid there’s nothing you can do. The company went out of business. It’s closed. The cards are worthless now.”

    Caller: “But someone paid good money for these cards!”

    Me: “I understand that. But I worked for [Previous Bookstore] when they went under. When they announced their bankruptcy, they also made it very clear that as they liquidated they would only accept gift cards through a certain date. There were signs all over the stores. You had two months to come and use the card. After that, even the stores stopped accepting them. [Previous Bookstore] didn’t exist. They were owned by a liquidation company at that point.”

    Caller: “But someone paid for this. And you’re telling me that money is gone?! That’s unacceptable! I want my money!!”

    Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, the store closed three years ago. How important could the value of that card be to you if you’ve waited three years?”

    (Click.)

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