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  • Toying With The Books

    | Lithuania | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (We close at 3 pm on Saturdays. There’s a small supermarket next door. It’s Saturday, 2:55 pm. A customer walks in.)

    Customer: “Hello, I need some help. A friend invited me over to her house, and she has a small child. She told me not to get him anything, but I really think I should. I think I could get a book or a toy.”

    (I proceed to show him some nice children’s books, but he’s awfully indecisive and takes a long time deliberating over each one of them. He also wants it super cheap, but good. It’s now 3:10.)

    Customer: “I don’t know. This is so hard! Maybe I should get him a toy instead.”

    Me: “Well, a toy is also a good option. I have to warn you, though, that they usually come more expensive than books.”

    Customer: “You know what? I think I’ll go to [Supermarket] and look at some toys. If I don’t find what I like, I’ll come back here.”

    Me: “If you decided to get a toy, that’s fine, but we’re closing. You won’t be able to come back if you change your mind.”

    Customer: “No, I’ll go to the supermarket. I’ll come back later.”

    Me: “Sir, we’re closing. In fact, we’ve been closed for 10 minutes already.”

    (He appeared not to hear a thing I said and walked out of the store. I closed the store. I left some 10 minutes later, and on my way to the bus stop walked past the front doors. There was the same customer, banging on the locked door, with the CLOSED sign on it and the lights out inside, yelling to be let in!)

    His Attitude Speaks Volumes

    | Cambridge, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

    (I am browsing in a well-known book store. There is an employee a few feet away from me currently filling and pricing an entire bookcase by herself. Bypassing the customer service desk right next to me, an angry-looking man storms towards the employee.)

    Customer: “You! You need to help me! I’m looking for volume 12 of [Popular New Manga Series] and you need to get it for me!”

    Employee: “Oh. Well, all our manga books are just there, where that lady is currently stood.”

    Customer: “But I can’t find it! You need to get it for me now!”

    Employee: “I’m ever so sorry, but I’m unable to leave these books unattended at the moment. There should be another of my colleagues that might be able to help you find it at the customer service desk which is just ov—”

    Customer: “But YOU need to help me! I’ve asked you! My son needs that volume and YOU need to get it for him!”

    Employee: “I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do for you.”

    (The man storms off back in my direction, shouting back at the employee.)

    Customer: “Well, you’ve been a TREMENDOUS help! Thanks for nothing, you stupid b****!”

    Me: “Hey, there’s absolutely no need for that!”

    Customer: “And just what are YOU going to do about it, b****?!”

    Me: “Hmmm, I don’t know… Oh, wait. Didn’t I hear you say you were looking for the new volume of [Popular New Manga Series]? Volume 12, wasn’t it?”

    Customer: “Yeah? What of it?!”

    Me: “Forgive me if I’m wrong, but the book I’m currently holding just happens to be that volume, doesn’t it?”

    Customer: “Yes! Where was that?!”

    Me: “Exactly where the employee told you it was before you berated her. Such a shame that this is the last copy as well. Seeing as you were such an insufferable d*****bag, you now get to watch me carry it to the checkout and purchase it! Bye!”

    (The man screamed at me and the employee for so long that the police were called. The employee actually bought the book for me out of her own pocket as a way of thanking me!)

    Doesn’t Work Its Magic On Some Customers

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Religion

    (An adult shopping for her child picks up a book from the ‘Magic: The Gathering franchise’.)

    Me: “Oh, that’s a great one, especially if you play the card game.”

    Patron: *looking at the cover* “This art is really cool. What’s it about?”

    Me: “That one is about a couple of mages who are working on a inter-dimensional teleporter, and some of the politics surrounding the mage’s school they work at.”

    Patron: “Is it… you know… violent?”

    Me: “A bit. Nothing you won’t see in any modern action movie though. I’d rate it PG.”

    Patron: “Oh, awesome. I’ll take the whole series.”

    (We have 20 books in the franchise.)

    Me: “Great! So, is your kid into fantasy and magic and such? We have lots of—”

    Patron: *gasps* “MAGIC?!”

    Me: “… Yeah?”

    Patron: “You mean… like WITCHCRAFT?!” *crosses herself and runs out*

    Closed To Fake Customers

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (Our store closes at 6 pm. It’s 6:20 and I’m standing by the front doors, waiting to lock up, while my coworker cashes out the last few customers at the store. While I’m eager to get home, I’m usually sympathetic when someone wants to grab something quickly. A woman walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Hi, are you guys closing?”

    Me: “Yeah, we’ve actually been closed for about 20 minutes.”

    Customer: “Oh, I wanted to go in.”

    Me: “Well, if you know what you want you can rush in and grab it.”

    Customer: *very bright and chipper* “Well, I wasn’t going to buy anything. I just wanted to look around.”

    Me: “Sorry, but we are closed.”

    Customer: “So you’re not going to let me in?”

    Me:“Um, no.”

    Customer: “That’s not very good customer service.”

    Me: “Well, that would be because you’re not a real customer.”

    Those Books Can Be Killer To Finish

    | KY, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Books & Reading, History

    (I’m the customer in this situation:)

    Me: “I’m looking for a copy of Les Mis and I found several different copies from different publishers. What do you recommend?”

    Staff Member: “Well, it depends. Do you want a smaller-size copy that’d fit in your purse so you can take it anywhere?”

    Me: “Well… the print in those can get pretty tiny… Actually, I’m looking for a book hefty enough to kill someone with.”

    Staff Member: “…”

    Me: “Sorry.”

    Staff Member: “In that case, I suggest Tolstoy or Proust.”

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