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    Posthumous Post-Modernism, Part 2

    | Springfield, MO, USA |

    (Two teenage customers walk up to the information desk, and pick up copies from the stack of ‘Pride and Prejudice and Zombies’.)

    Customer: “I can’t believe Jane Austen let them do this.”

    Me: “Well, she’s been dead for nearly two hundred years. Her works are all public domain now.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    (She waves the book at me.)

    Customer: “Then how can you do this?”

    Related:
    Posthumous Post-Modernism

    Found Next To The Irony Section

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA |

    Customer: “I need to find [diet and exercise book].”

    (I go and look up the book for her.)

    Me: “Alright, it looks like it will be in our wellness section. Let’s head over there and grab it.”

    Customer: “You go get it. I’m tired.”

    Jane Ey-re-animation

    | Dallas, TX, USA |

    (It’s the end of the summer. A high-school aged customer comes in.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for Frankenstein by ‘J somebody’.”

    Me: “Actually, that was written by Mary Shelley. We have several copies.”

    Customer: “No, it’s written by ‘J somebody’. Look it up.”

    (I look it up. It’s definitely written by Mary Shelley.)

    Customer: “Hang on, I’ll call my mom.”

    (He comes back.)

    Customer: “It’s Frankenstein by Jane Eyre.”

    Me: “Sorry sweetheart, looks like you have to read two books.”

    Customer: “Aw man!”

    Past The Point Of No Return

    , | New Zealand | Top

    (We have both a bookshop and library. They are divided by a wall and accessible only from outside the building or through a staff only area. I am working in the bookstore section.)

    Customer: “Hey, I was looking for a book for my niece called The Tomorrow Code.”

    Me: “We definitely have a copy of that. I was shelving it this morning. Follow me.”

    Customer: “So, when is the due date?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “You know, for the book.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can sell it to you right now.”

    Customer: “Yes, I know that. I want to know when I have to return it. My library card number for you guys is [number].”

    Me: “You don’t have to return it, ma’am. This is a bookstore, not a library. You keep the book once you’ve bought it.”

    Customer: “That’s great, but when do I return it?”

    Me: “I, uh, just need to check that on the system.”

    (I run to the actual library to check they have a copy of the tomorrow code. They do. I go back to the customer.)

    Me: “Ma’am, just to make this very clear, this is a shop not a library. You never return books.”

    Customer: “Of course I know that. Do you think I was born yesterday? Now, when do I have to return this book?”

    Me: “Actually, I just found out the copy of the book you’re holding is reserved. I can go get a copy of it from the storeroom if you want.”

    Customer: “Just hurry up. This place shouldn’t hire people as thick as you!”

    (I run back to the library and issue the book as ‘borrowed’ to her card number.)

    Customer: *speaking very slowly* “Thank you, girl. I’m sorry to have told you that you were thick. I should have realised you were special.”

    Keeping Abreast Of The Book Filing

    | Woodinville, WA, USA |

    (I am looking up a book for a little girl.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sweetie, my computer shows I’ve only got one copy of that book left. The display’s right over there. It’s empty, so that means someone else has it.”

    (A helpful customer overhears our conversation and produces the book.)

    Customer: “Actually, someone misplaced it. It was over there. Here you go!”

    Little girl, to me: “You must be almost as old as my mommy if you didn’t think to go do that!”

    Me: “Well, I could be. I don’t know. I don’t know how old your mommy is, sweetie.”

    (The little girl opens her mouth to tell us how old her mother is, but I interrupt her.)

    Me: “I don’t think she’d want you telling everyone how old she is, though.”

    Little girl: “Oh, no. That’s okay. She told my aunt on the phone this morning. After she sees the doctor next week, she won’t care if people know how old she is. They won’t believe it with her new boobies!”

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