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    All Signs Point To Duh, Part 3

    | Bethlehem, PA, USA |

    (A mother, daughter, and a son who looks to be around 15 years old are sitting near the door. As they are getting ready to leave, the son wanders over to the door. In very large, clear letters, the door says “Emergency Door Only” and “Alarm Will Sound If Door Is Opened”. He looks up, sees the sign, and without hesitating, he opens the door. Sure enough, the alarm sounds.)

    Me: “Sir, why did you open the fire door?”

    Customer: “I didn’t know it was an alarm door! How the h*** was I supposed to know!?”

    Related:
    All Signs Point To Duh, Part 2
    All Signs Point To Duh

    Doing Favors On Your Knees, Part 2

    | Richmond, Virginia, USA | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque

    (It’s summer and I am very obviously pregnant at about 7 months. A male customer walks by and notices my belly.)

    Customer: “It’s the wrong time of year for that!”

    Me: “Oh, believe me, I know.”

    (He walks off to browse and I continue setting up an end cap display which includes some very low shelves. As it’s rather hard to bend down at 7 months pregnant, I’m now kneeling on the floor to put things on the bottom shelves. The same customer walks by again.)

    Customer: “Well, you know, that’s what got you into trouble in the first place.”

    Related:
    Doing Favors On Your Knees

    79% Water, 21% Fat-Headed

    | Germany | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

    Customer: “Do you stock world maps here?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I show the woman some maps of varying sizes.)

    Customer: “Those maps depict so much water. Don’t you have any without so much water in them?”

    Kids Like Scratch And Sniff Anyway

    | Gainesville, FL, USA |

    Me: “I’m sorry, we only have that book in paperback. Would you like me to order the hardback?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m replacing a damaged book and the school library insisted that it be hardback.”

    (While I begin to collect her information, the customer starts muttering sulkily.)

    Customer: “We shouldn’t have to replace it. Our dog urinated on it. The pages are a little stained, but it dried. It’s not like it smells or anything. You can still read it. Those librarians are so picky!”

    Polarized Politics Predisposes People To Puerility

    | Provo, UT, USA |

    (I go to a religious university. I am wearing an Obama 2012 shirt while shopping for my textbooks. I am approached by a middle-aged woman.)

    Customer: “You shouldn’t be in here! I want you to leave this bookstore! How can I shop when you are wearing that abomination?”

    (I laugh, roll my eyes, and continue shopping. The customer gets an employee.)

    Customer: “I want her thrown out! That shirt is offensive to a holy place of learning!”

    Employee: “I’m sorry ma’am, I can’t throw her out. The t-shirt is in no way explicit or offensive.”

    Customer: “It’s offensive! I’m offended!”

    Employee: “I’m sorry ma’am, there’s nothing I can do.”

    Customer: “I’m leaving! I can’t shop in a place where the antichrist is advertised! You’re all going to h***!”

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