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    Life Is Stranger Than Non-Fiction

    | Virginia Beach, VA, USA |

    (A customer approaches the information desk at a large chain bookstore.)

    Me: “Hi. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for the non-fiction section.”

    Me: “Could you be more specific?”

    Customer: “The non-fiction section.”

    Me: “Well, the non fiction section includes computers, travel, art, poetry, religion, health, biographies, beauty and many other topics. It’s 60% of the store. Is there one area of non-fiction you are looking for?”

    (The customer begins to walk in a circle.)

    Customer: “I think I will just look around.”

    Related:
    Life Is Stranger Than Fiction, Part 2
    Life Is Stranger Than Fiction

    Students Don’t Hit The Books Like They Used To

    , | Edmonton, AB, Canada |

    (It is the first week of classes, so the book store is absolutely packed.)

    Student: “Can you help me?”

    Me: “Of course. What do you need?”

    (The student hands me her book list.)

    Student: “Find all of these for me.”

    It Must Have Been A New Moon

    | Melbourne, Australia |

    (This particular customer is a semi-regular who tends to loiter around the new age and paranormal sections. She has knee-length flowing blonde hair and is fond of hippyish clothing. Tonight, I notice her staring at me from a distance for a few minutes with a subtle, knowing smile.)

    Me: “Hello, how are you today? Would you like any help?”

    Customer: “Good, quite good. I don’t need any help, but can I just talk to you for a minute?”

    Me: “Sure. What would you like to talk about?”

    Customer: “You. I just have some questions about you. You work here quite a lot, don’t you? At night. I see you every night I come in.”

    Me: “Yes, I do tend to work here Thursday and Friday nights.”

    Customer: “I notice cause you’re so pretty. Such long dark hair and pale skin.”

    Me: “Umm, thanks.”

    Customer: “What’s your name?”

    Me: “It’s [my name].”

    Customer: “That’s a lovely name. A very old fashioned name. You don’t really hear it anymore.”

    (By this point, I’m getting confused as I didn’t think my name was that uncommon. I’m not sure what point she’s trying to make.)

    Customer: “What else do you do, other than working here?”

    Me: “I’m in my fourth year of uni. My major is Science, but I do some electives in Literature and History.”

    Customer: *smiles* “Ahhh. So you’re quite educated, as well.”

    Me: “I guess you could say that.”

    Customer: “Well, I had better not waste any more of your time. But I just want to tell you that I understand now, and I won’t tell anyone.”

    Me: “Ah, ok. About what?”

    Customer: “Your secret. That you are one of them. A vampire.”

    (The customer leaves while I just stand there confused.)

    Coworker: “What’s up?”

    Me: “I ****ing hate Twilight…”

    Posthumous Post-Modernism, Part 2

    | Springfield, MO, USA |

    (Two teenage customers walk up to the information desk, and pick up copies from the stack of ‘Pride and Prejudice and Zombies’.)

    Customer: “I can’t believe Jane Austen let them do this.”

    Me: “Well, she’s been dead for nearly two hundred years. Her works are all public domain now.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    (She waves the book at me.)

    Customer: “Then how can you do this?”

    Related:
    Posthumous Post-Modernism

    Found Next To The Irony Section

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA |

    Customer: “I need to find [diet and exercise book].”

    (I go and look up the book for her.)

    Me: “Alright, it looks like it will be in our wellness section. Let’s head over there and grab it.”

    Customer: “You go get it. I’m tired.”


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