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    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5

    | Evansville, IN, USA | Books & Reading, Top

    (I am checking out at a local book store and the clerk recognizes my book, Howl’s Moving Castle, and decides to make conversation. There’s another customer behind me in line. She’s in her mid-40s.)

    Clerk: “Oh, I loved this movie, but I didn’t realize it was a book!”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s one of my favorites! The book is so much better than the movie. It gives a whole new perspective on everything!”

    Clerk: “Then I’ll be sure to check it–”

    Customer behind me: *eyes full of excitement* “Are you talking about Twilight?”

    Clerk and me, together: “NO.”

    Related:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3

    | Vestavia, AL, USA | Books & Reading, Top

    (A customer approaches me with a box set of the Twilight novels.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a gift for my 13 year old granddaughter and I think she would like these. My wife said to look at them. Don’t they promote abstinence?”

    Me: “Well, sort of. The two main characters do end up sleeping together in the final book, though they are married. There’s some uncomfortable gore, though. I wouldn’t recommend it for a 13 year old.”

    Customer: *confused* “I was told these would be great for her. What kind of gore do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, the girl ends up getting pregnant with a half-vampire baby and, er, the male main character sort of rips it out of her with his teeth.”

    Customer: *drops books in horror* “That’s horrific! And these are for teenage girls? Why would people read that?”

    Me: “I wonder the same thing myself, sir.”

    Related:
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
    Less Twilight, More Daylight

    Artificial Turf Is Shelved Under Fiction

    | Bergen, Norway | Books & Reading

    Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you sell artificial turf?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. Maybe you could try the DIY store next door.”

    (For some reason, this response makes the customer very angry. I can practically see the smoke coming out of his ears.)

    Customer: “Well, are you a bookstore or are you not?!”

    The Literal, The Literary, And The Aviary

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (A teenage customer walks in. She looks around for a while, but it seems she can’t find what she’s looking for.)

    Me: “Do you need any help, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for the book that teaches you how to kill birds.”

    Me: “We have a few hunting books in non-fiction if that’s what your looking for.”

    Customer: “No. This book is fiction. It’s called How To Kill A Bird or something.”

    Me: “Are you talking about To Kill a Mockingbird?”

    Customer: “Yes! That’s it! Could you tell me where that is?”

    Wingardium Laziosa

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Books & Reading

    Customer: “I can’t find the Cliff’s Notes for Harry Potter. Could you order them for me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, they don’t make Cliff’s Notes for Harry Potter.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous. They have Cliff’s Notes for everything. Why don’t you look it up?”

    Me: “Actually, they don’t have Cliff’s Notes for everything, especially not for children’s books.”

    Customer: “They aren’t children’s books.”

    Me: “They’re shelved in the children’s section.”

    Customer: “Adults read them too. You don’t have them so I’d like to order them.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but they don’t exist.”

    Customer: “That’s a lie. There’s a computer right in front of you. Look up Cliff’s Notes and find them!”

    (I look up Cliff’s Notes and show the customer the extensive list. After a few minutes of frustrated searching, she gives up.)

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I want to know what they’re about, but I don’t want to read them.”

    Me: “May I suggest the movies, in that case?”

    Customer: “I’m not stupid! I’ve seen the movies! I just don’t want to read the books!”

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