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    Cupid Meets Stupid

    | Deerfield, IL, USA |

    (I am a cashier at a bookstore. It is 9pm and our store has just closed. A male customer walks up to me empty-handed, and leans against the counter conspiratorially.)

    Customer: “So, busy night?”

    Me: “It was, yes.”

    Customer: “Do you like working here?”

    Me: “Yes. Is there something you need from behind the counter?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Well, if there is a particular book you’re looking for, you can head back to customer service and one of my colleagues can get it for you.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t need anything. Can I just stay here for a little longer?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, sir. Our store is closed. If you need somewhere to stay, [store] is across the street and they’re open 24
    hours.”

    Customer: “Well, my girlfriend is waiting for me outside. I just want to make her wait. She made me mad before, so I want to get back at her. Can’t you just let me stay a while longer?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We really need to close the store down. We won’t stay open if we’re not making any sales. All of us want to go home.”

    Customer: “Isn’t there anything you can do? I can just sit in the cafe.”

    Me: *thinking* “Well, you could buy a $25 membership with us. There’s a form to fill out. That’ll give you a couple more minutes.”

    Customer: “Perfect!”

    Me: “You do understand it will cost you $25?”

    Customer: “Yeah. She really p***ed me off!”

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Top

    (The customer is a middle-aged male, wearing a tweed jacket and thick glasses. He’s buying all of the ‘Twilight’ books.)

    Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for?”

    Customer: “Yes, unfortunately. I’m really not looking forward to reading these.”

    Me: “Oh, why not?”

    Customer: “Well, I’m an English professor. Every time I reference low forms of literature, I always use Twilight as the example. Today a student asked if I’ve actually read them, and I had to say no. They demanded that I do.”

    (He hangs his head in shame.)

    Related:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

    Pseudo-Named And Shamed

    | London, UK |

    (I’m an author doing a book signing in a shop. I’m female with an obviously female name. The name is also on the book. There’s also a large poster with my name and photo on.)

    Customer: “When’s he going to get here?”

    Me: “Who?”

    Customer: “The author.”

    Me: “I’m the author.”

    Customer: “But, you’re a woman.”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Oh, I get it. You’re one of them pseudonym things.”

    They Should Read More

    | Des Moines, IA, USA |

    (I sell e-readers at a book store.)

    Customer: “How much do books cost in this thin thing?”

    Me: “Here’s a list of new releases on the e-reader. This book is $14.99.”

    Customer: “Is that hardcover or paperback?”

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3

    | Bridgeport, OR, USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Top

    Customer: “Hello, do you have any of the new Twilight books?”

    Me: “Yes, they’re over here.”

    (I lead her to where they would be, but we appear to be sold out. This is strange as all copies were put up this morning.)

    Me: “That’s strange. We seem to be out of stock. Can I interest you in anything else?”

    Customer: “Ugh, fine. What about this one?”

    (They point towards ‘Harry Potter’.)

    Me: “Oh, that’s a great book! It’s about a boy who becomes a wizard and-”

    Customer: “Are there any werewolves?”

    Me: “I think so. I haven’t read them in a while.”

    (The customer grabs the entire series of ‘Harry Potter’ and leaves. As I’m about to return to my workstation, two teens run up to me, high-five each other, and tell me they hid all 70 copies of ‘Twilight’ in the ceiling when no one was looking. Although impressed, I have to report them to my manager. After doing so, my manager gives them each a $10 gift card.)

    Related:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy


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