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    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3

    | Vestavia, AL, USA | Books & Reading, Top

    (A customer approaches me with a box set of the Twilight novels.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a gift for my 13 year old granddaughter and I think she would like these. My wife said to look at them. Don’t they promote abstinence?”

    Me: “Well, sort of. The two main characters do end up sleeping together in the final book, though they are married. There’s some uncomfortable gore, though. I wouldn’t recommend it for a 13 year old.”

    Customer: *confused* “I was told these would be great for her. What kind of gore do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, the girl ends up getting pregnant with a half-vampire baby and, er, the male main character sort of rips it out of her with his teeth.”

    Customer: *drops books in horror* “That’s horrific! And these are for teenage girls? Why would people read that?”

    Me: “I wonder the same thing myself, sir.”

    Related:
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
    Less Twilight, More Daylight

    Artificial Turf Is Shelved Under Fiction

    | Bergen, Norway | Books & Reading

    Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you sell artificial turf?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. Maybe you could try the DIY store next door.”

    (For some reason, this response makes the customer very angry. I can practically see the smoke coming out of his ears.)

    Customer: “Well, are you a bookstore or are you not?!”

    The Literal, The Literary, And The Aviary

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (A teenage customer walks in. She looks around for a while, but it seems she can’t find what she’s looking for.)

    Me: “Do you need any help, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for the book that teaches you how to kill birds.”

    Me: “We have a few hunting books in non-fiction if that’s what your looking for.”

    Customer: “No. This book is fiction. It’s called How To Kill A Bird or something.”

    Me: “Are you talking about To Kill a Mockingbird?”

    Customer: “Yes! That’s it! Could you tell me where that is?”

    Wingardium Laziosa

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Books & Reading

    Customer: “I can’t find the Cliff’s Notes for Harry Potter. Could you order them for me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, they don’t make Cliff’s Notes for Harry Potter.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous. They have Cliff’s Notes for everything. Why don’t you look it up?”

    Me: “Actually, they don’t have Cliff’s Notes for everything, especially not for children’s books.”

    Customer: “They aren’t children’s books.”

    Me: “They’re shelved in the children’s section.”

    Customer: “Adults read them too. You don’t have them so I’d like to order them.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but they don’t exist.”

    Customer: “That’s a lie. There’s a computer right in front of you. Look up Cliff’s Notes and find them!”

    (I look up Cliff’s Notes and show the customer the extensive list. After a few minutes of frustrated searching, she gives up.)

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I want to know what they’re about, but I don’t want to read them.”

    Me: “May I suggest the movies, in that case?”

    Customer: “I’m not stupid! I’ve seen the movies! I just don’t want to read the books!”

    All Signs Point To Duh, Part 3

    | Bethlehem, PA, USA |

    (A mother, daughter, and a son who looks to be around 15 years old are sitting near the door. As they are getting ready to leave, the son wanders over to the door. In very large, clear letters, the door says “Emergency Door Only” and “Alarm Will Sound If Door Is Opened”. He looks up, sees the sign, and without hesitating, he opens the door. Sure enough, the alarm sounds.)

    Me: “Sir, why did you open the fire door?”

    Customer: “I didn’t know it was an alarm door! How the h*** was I supposed to know!?”

    Related:
    All Signs Point To Duh, Part 2
    All Signs Point To Duh

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