(The bookstore is located in the center of town, so we often have peculiar occurrences.)
Me: “Hi there, sir. Is there anything I can help you with today?”
Customer: “I’m looking for a card.”
Me: “Our card section is right this way. What occasion did you need the card for?”
Customer: “I’m looking for a card for my enemy.”
Me: “Um, okay—”
Customer: “I want it to say ‘DIE, BASTARD, DIE!'”
Me: “I’m…afraid we don’t actually have any cards to fit your needs. Your best bet is to try down the road at [competitor’s] store.”
(A customer is looking through a book debunking apocalypse scares.)
Customer: “Wait, what do they mean the apocalypse hasn’t happened yet?!”
(We have international newspapers that we keep behind us at the till. Also, I’m female. I’ve just finished ringing up some British newspapers for a customer.)
Me: “Have a brilliant day.”
Customer: “Can I take a look at your rack?”
(This not only catches me off guard, but all the staff and customers within earshot, who turn and look at us.)
Customer: “I just want to see what else you’ve got to offer.”
(Everybody is still staring.)
Customer: *realizing what he’s said* “Oh! Your newspaper rack.”
Time Travel! This week, we show it’s only a matter of “time” before you run into customers with no grasp of time—past, present, or future!
- Someone’s About To Get Smacked To The Future:
An unsuspecting wife gets sent out by a husband on a fool’s errand to look for a flux capacitor—in a flying DeLorean, no doubt.
- A Tale Of Time Traveling Tune-Ups:
The customer is always right, even if it means ripping a hole in the space-time continuum.
- Doctor Sue:
Look, man, we all wish your replica TARDIS actually flew through time, but unless you’re a Time Lord with a chameleon circuit, you’re barking up the wrong police box.
- Eastern Standard Time Travelers:
Getting time zones mixed up with time travel? No big deal, although teleporting New York City three hours into the future would be kinda cool.
- Please See The “Time Travel” Section:
This dinosaur-craving bookstore customer has been watching a little bit too much Jurassic Park!
PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!
PS #2: Read more roundups here!
(Our company has a free membership cards, where people can collect points on their purchases that build towards discounts. Cashiers are required to ask all of our customers if they have a card.)
Me: “Do you have one of our membership cards?”
Me: “All right, would you like to sign up for one today? They’re free, and they’ll eventually save you some money.”
Customer: “No, no! I’m in a rush, so, never mind.”
Me: “All right, your total is [total]”
(The customer pays, but is no longer paying attention to me. Instead, she’s talking to her boyfriend, looking annoyed, and is visibly waving around one of our membership cards.)
Customer’s Boyfriend: “You know that’s one of their cards, right?”
Customer: “Is it? Oh, well is it too late to get my points?”
Me: “Unfortunately, the transaction has already gone through, so yes it is. You can come in when you have some more time and I can do a point adjustment. I just have to refund and resell you your purchase.”
Customer: “Well, can you do it now? We’re not in a rush…”