Preemptive Strike: Shock And Awe

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

(I approach a customer to see if he needs help.)

Me: “Hello!”

Customer: “No, thank you.”

Me: *confused*

You Got The Wrong(est) Lover

| Medford, MA, USA | Books & Reading

(I work at a bookstore. It’s well known at work that my voice resembles my manager’s voice.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [bookstore], this is–”

Caller: “Hey, you little vixen, when are you coming home? I’ve got a bottle of champagne–”

Me: “Um, wait, I–”

Caller: “Ooh, I’m gonna–”

Me: *turning beet red* “Nancy! Your husband is on the phone!”

Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number

Before Pride, But After Prejudice

| Orem, UT, USA | Books & Reading

Customer: “Do you have Pride and Prejudice?”

Me: “Of course, it’s right over this way.”

(I grab a copy and hand it to her.)

Customer: “Was this written before or after the movie?”

Me: *caught off guard* “Um…before.”

Obviously, He Needs Food For Thought

| Connecticut, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I work in a large, well-known used bookstore. We offer complimentary coffee and doughnuts to our patrons, but we do not have a cafe or serve any other food. The bookshelves are extremely obvious and numerous. A middle-aged man enters.)

Customer: “I’ll have a medium hot dog to go.”

Me: *laughing* “Sorry, sir! We’re fresh out of hot dogs!”

Customer: *rolling his eyes and heaving a big sigh* “Okay, then what else do you have?”

Me: “Um, we have coffee and doughnuts.”

Customer: “That’s it? You don’t have any sandwiches or anything? What kind of a restaurant is this?”

Me: “We’re a bookstore.”

Customer: “A bookstore!? But I’m hungry!”

Me: “Well, like I said, we do have coffee and doughnuts–”

Customer: “Forget it! I’ll find another restaurant. This is ridiculous!”

Related:Obviously, She Needs Food For Thought

Mavis Beacon’s Cousin Or Something

| New York, NY, USA | Books & Reading

Customer: “I’m looking for this foreign language program my friend has, but I can’t remember the name of it.”

Me: “Okay, well, was it a book or was it for the computer?”

Customer: “It goes on the computer. I think it was called…Susan?”

Me: “Susan? I can’t say I’ve heard of it.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m sure you have. It’s very famous! I just can’t remember her last name. It’s her first and last name. Can you look it up?”

(I bring her to the computer and try to pull up the name of the program, but the computer can’t find anything.)

Customer: “Maybe it’s not Susan. It’s definitely a woman’s name, though.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t find it. Let me show you where all the computer programs like that are, though. Maybe it’ll jog your memory.”

(I walk her over educational computer program area.)

Customer: “Oh, I see it! Rosetta Stone! I knew it was a woman’s name.”

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