November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Try Wallmart, Part 2

| New York, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

Me: “Thank you for calling Borders. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I’m redoing my kitchen right now and I could use some help. I’ve got all the counters and the floors and the cabinets planned, but I can’t decide what to do with the walls. I was thinking some kind of trim would be nice.”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: *silent*

Me: “Sorry, what are you looking for?”

Caller: “Just trying to figure out what you offer.”

Me: “Uh, well, I can do a quick search on home renovation or decorating and see what we have?”

Caller: “Don’t you have samples or something?”

Me: “What?”

Caller: *sighs loudly* “SAMPLES. Can you come over and bring me some samples?”

Me: “…What?”

Caller: “Oh, good God. Samples, honey! SAM-PLES. They come in a big binder? Show all your different kinds of wallpaper?”

Me: “You know you’ve called Borders, yes?”

Caller: “Of course!”

Me: “…and you know Borders is a bookstore?”

Caller: “No. It’s a wallpaper company.”

Me: “It’s not; it’s a bookstore. We sell books.”

Caller: “ONLY books?”

Me: “That’s right.”

Caller: “Well, then why the h*** did you name it Borders? It sounds like you do wallpaper borders and trims and things!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Do you want me to look up a book on wallpaper for you?”

Caller: “Can you install it if I find something I like?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “You’re useless!” *hangs up*

Try Wallmart

Childlike Parenting

| Washington, USA | Family & Kids

(I am working in the children’s section of the bookstore. A parent comes in looking for a learn-to-read series for their kid.)

Parent: “I want something that will teach my kid how to read.”

Me: “Well, there are a few good series over here. My little cousin used Bob Books and really liked them.”

Parent: “No, my kid needs sound too. Do you have anything like that?”

Me: “Sure, there are two right here.”

Parent: “So, if I buy one of these, I can just let my kid learn to read all by themselves? I won’t have to help them at all?”

Me: “Um, you want a learn to read series that doesn’t require you actually spend any time reading with your child?”

Parent: “Yes. Absolutely. You have that, right?”

Me: “No, we don’t. Any child who is learning to read requires some parental involvement. You could let them read to you as a way of checking on their progress. That would be the absolute bare minimum.”

Parent: “Well, that sucks! So much for technology improving our lives!”

May The Employees Be Ever In Your Favor

| Belgium | Top

(I’m a customer sitting in a bookstore calmly reading my own book. I always go there because it’s pretty cozy and they let me because I’m a regular.)

Customer: “Hey, you have a copy of The Hunger Games! The store employee said it was sold out!”

Me: “This is my own copy, ma’am. I just come here to read.”

Customer: “You little liar! You just don’t want ME to take the last copy to the counter first!”

(Suddenly, the customer snatches my book out of my hands and runs to the counter.)

Employee: “Excuse me ma’am, but I’m going to ask you to give that book back to the young miss over there.”

Customer: “WHAT?! But I came here first!”

Employee: “I can, in fact, confirm that the book belongs to the young miss.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! Sell me this book!”

Employee: “I’m afraid I can’t, ma’am.”

Customer: *slams my book on the counter* “This is the worst service I’ve EVER gotten! I’m NEVER coming back here!” *runs out*

Employee: *to me* “I’m so sorry about that. If your book was harmed in any way, please let me know and I’ll reserve a new one for you.”

Me: *laughing* “Thanks, but it’s fine. Great service though!”

A Clear And Self-Centered Danger

| Boston, MA, USA | Top

(A couple approaches the information desk while I’m manning it. They are probably in their mid-60s.)

Me:  “Can I help you find something?”

Customer:  “Yes, where are your paperbacks by Clancy?”

Me:  “They’re right over here in fiction; follow me.”

(They tag along behind me as I lead them the 10 steps over to the fiction wall.)

Me:  “He’s this whole shelf, and part of the next one.  Was there anything else you were looking for today?”

Customer:  “Other stuff like him. You know, like Woods, Connelly, and Lescroart.”

Me:  “Well, they’re all here in fiction too. It’s alphabetical by author, so you can work your way down from here.  Woods is right at the end by the window.”

Customer:  *peevish* “Why can’t you people just put all the stuff I like together?!”

(At this point his wife, who has been silent the whole time, chimes in.)

Customer’s Wife: “Because the world STILL doesn’t revolve around you, dear.” *to me* “His mother has a lot to answer for!”

One, Two, Skip A Few

| Livingston, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

Me: *answering the phone* “Thank you for calling [bookstore]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “What are your hours?”

Me: “We’re open from 9 to 10 every day.”

Customer: “You’re only open for one hour?!”

Me: “Oh, no, 9 AM to 10 PM.”

Customer: “That’s only one hour!”