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    Homophones Are Never As Satisfying

    | Toronto, Canada | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any copies of Sexadon?”

    Me: “Do you mean Sex At Dawn? It’s a bestseller.”

    Customer: “No, I’m pretty sure the one I want is titled Sexadon. You know, like the dinosaur of sex?”

    (For the heck of it, I double-check our inventory, the Books In Print index, and all the Amazons. There is no book called Sexadon.)

    Customer: *disappointed* “Man, I really thought that was the title.”

    (In the end, he bought Sex At Dawn, but clearly wasn’t happy about it!)

    Related:
    Of All The Moments For Freud To Slip

    Intelligently Unavailable

    | Cambridge, England, UK | Books & Reading

    Customer: “Hi, I would like to order a copy of [book] please.”

    Me: *searches computer* “Sorry, sir, it looks like that book is out of print.”

    Customer: “I know that. I want you to order me a copy.”

    Me: “I can’t, sir. It’s out of print. They aren’t printing anymore copies.”

    Customer: “Oh, well, your colleague already told me that. I just thought you looked smarter, so you could probably get it for me.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “So you can’t get it for me then?”

    Me: “No.”

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Books & Reading

    Customer: “I’ve read all of the Twilight books. I love them! Has Stephenie Meyer done anything else?”

    Me: “Yes, she wrote another book called The Host.

    Customer: “Great! I didn’t see any other books where the Twilight series is, though.”

    Me: “This one is actually shelved in science fiction. I’ll show you.”

    Customer: “Science fiction?! Why?”

    Me: “Well, she didn’t write it for the young adult section. Plus, given the subject matter I guess that’s what made the most sense.”

    Customer: “What’s wrong with the subject matter?”

    Me: “Nothing. It’s about an alien, so–”

    Customer: “Wait, an alien?! So…there are no vampires?”

    Me: “No, not in this one.”

    Customer: “Forget it. I only read vampire books these days. Aliens are just too unrealistic.”

    Related:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

    Teach A Customer To Wrap And She Can Wrap For Life

    | New York, NY, USA | Books & Reading

    (The bookstore I work in offers complimentary gift wrapping for customers. It’s a steady night at the bookstore and a woman approaches my register.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you?”

    Customer: “I need to get something gift wrapped.”

    Me: “Sure, do you have the receipt for it?”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t buy it here. I bought this from another store.”

    (She takes out box of perfume.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t wrap something you bought from another store. You’re going to have to buy your own gift wrapping paper and wrap it yourself.”

    (Ten minutes later, the woman returns to my register with wrapping paper in hand.)

    Customer: “Okay. Now can you TEACH me how to wrap it?”

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5

    | Evansville, IN, USA | Books & Reading, Top

    (I am checking out at a local book store and the clerk recognizes my book, Howl’s Moving Castle, and decides to make conversation. There’s another customer behind me in line. She’s in her mid-40s.)

    Clerk: “Oh, I loved this movie, but I didn’t realize it was a book!”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s one of my favorites! The book is so much better than the movie. It gives a whole new perspective on everything!”

    Clerk: “Then I’ll be sure to check it–”

    Customer behind me: *eyes full of excitement* “Are you talking about Twilight?”

    Clerk and me, together: “NO.”

    Related:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

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