Meaning What I Say

| Omaha, NE, USA | Uncategorized

(We usually ask if the customer would like a bag for a single item purchase.)

Me: “Do you need a bag for this, sir?”

Customer: “I don’t need a bag, if that’s what you’re trying to ask!”

The Truth Is Waaay Out There

| Southern Missouri, USA | Bizarre, Zombies

Customer: “Do you know who wrote Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter?”

Me: “Oh yeah…it was the same guy who wrote Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I can show you where it is.”

Customer: “When I first heard about this book, I was shocked! I had to sit there for a minute and see if I remembered any of my teachers mentioning that Lincoln killed vampires.”

(I decide to remain silent while she continues.)

Customer: “You know, the government tries to keep things like this from us. You can tell, because they never mention any of the supernatural things that happen in the news. You know…all those true exorcism and demon movies!”

Not Going To Qualify

| Arizona, USA | School

Student: “I’d like to know where your study guides are. I’m going to take a test.”

Me: “Sure, which one?”

Student: “The Mensa test. I need to know where your Mensa test study guides are.”

Me: “I’m sorry. They don’t make those.”

Student: “So, will you be getting some in soon?”

Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 3

| Livingston, NJ, USA | Math & Science, Money

(I have just rung up a customer who is purchasing two items that are part of a two for $5 promotion in our store.)

Customer: *sighing in exasperation* “You didn’t ring this up correctly. They’re supposed to be two for $5.”

Me: “I’m sorry…I’m pretty sure the items came to $5 before tax. May I look at the receipt again to make sure?”

Customer: “You think I don’t know what I’m talking about?”

(The customer slams receipt on the counter and jabs her finger at the prices.)

Customer: “See what I’m talking about?! You rang both items up at $2.50!”

Me: “Yes. $2.50 plus $2.50 is $5.”

Customer: “Whatever! You aren’t worth my time!”

Related:
Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 2
Some Things Just Don’t Add Up

Don’t Kick A (Half) Man When He’s Down

| Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada | Family & Kids

(A woman and her young daughter are browsing books.)

Daugher: “Mom, what’s a ‘has been’?”

Mother: “Charlie Sheen is a has been.”

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