(At the college bookstore where I work, students can sell their books back for cash at the end of the semester.)
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I won’t be able to buy your textbook back because of the water damage.”
(I flip through the book’s crinkled, sticky pages.)
Student: “Oh, it’s okay. It’s not water damage, it’s humidity. I went on vacation to Missouri and it was humid.”
Me: “I still can’t take your book back because I cannot sell this to another student in this condition.”
Student: “But it’s not water damage! It’s humidity! Humidity made the pages stick together!”
Me: “Ma’am, what is humidity?”
Student: “Water, duh!”
(There’s a pause while the wheels begin to turn in her head.)
Student: “Oh…can you help me find my other books, then?”
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1,857 Thumbs Up!)
(Two middle aged women approach me.)
Customer 1: “Excuse me? Can you help me find something?”
Me: “Sure, ma’am. What are you looking for? Gift ideas maybe?”
Customer 1: “Yes exactly, I need a present that will interest a 14 year old boy.”
Customer 2: *interjecting* “But not porn!”
Me: “I think I can accommodate those taxing conditions.”
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1,655 Thumbs Up!)
(I’m in the comics section, helping a man find a present for his daughter. I’ve picked up a book by a popular artist.)
Customer: “It looks nice, but I already got her one of these things for her birthday. I don’t want to give her the same gift twice.”
Me: “Are you sure? This book came out pretty recently. Did yours have the same title as this one?”
Customer: “I don’t remember.”
Me: “Did the cover have the same colors as this?”
Customer: “I don’t remember.”
Me: “Is there anything you recall about the book you got for her birthday?”
Customer: *after a long, thoughtful pause* “It was made of paper!”
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1,639 Thumbs Up!)
Customer: “I’m looking for a book. Something about glass. Breaking glass?”
Me: “Well, do you know if it’s fiction or nonfiction?”
Customer: “Sorry. What?”
Me: “Is it real or imaginary?”
Customer: “I mean, it’s real. How do you imagine a book? Is that what audio books are?”
Related:
Life Is Stranger Than Fiction
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1,274 Thumbs Up!)
Customer: “Hey. You were talking about vampire books with the last customer?”
Me: “The’yre here on the wall next to the counter.”
Customer: “Do you have any gay ones?”
Me: “Do you mean as in homoerotic literature?”
Customer: “Yeah.”
Me: “Oh, no. Have you tried [romance bookshop] across the road?”
Customer: “Why would I go there? I just want gay vampires.”
Me: “Well that’s generally a subsection of romance, not Sci-Fi.”
Customer: “I don’t want romance! I just want gay vampires!”
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1,588 Thumbs Up!)
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