Early in my working career, I work in a bookstore that has gotten with the times and created a Music Section with the new-fangled technology: CDs.

A woman comes into the music department to purchase a huge arm full of items. I ring up everything, total her up, and swipe her credit card. All goes well until the receipt prints up.

Woman: “Oh, and I want gift receipts for my purchase today.”

I want to facepalm. Really? You stood there staring straight at me while I rang you up and swiped your card and only mentioned that you wanted gift recipes AFTER you paid?

I summon a manager to retrieve the transaction and explain the situation since we lowly minions do not have that grand power. As the manager retrieves the transaction, he walks through the whole thing, getting gift receipts on small clumps of stuff from her purchase. 

Better? Nope! They print out, and the lady loses it.

Woman: “OH, MY GOD! HOW DARE THEY LOOK DIFFERENT?! THAT’S NOT A GIFT RECEIPT! I’VE BOUGHT FROM THIS STORE FOR [BLAH BLAH] YEARS AND HAVE NEVER HAD GIFT RECEIPTS LOOKED LIKE THIS!”

Manager: “Ma’am, the gift receipts look one way if the receipts are printed out before you pay. If you need gift receipts after you pay, they print out in a different format. That’s just how the system does it.”

Woman: “They look wrong!”

Manager: “I promise you that they will, in fact, work just fine.”

Woman: “But they’re in the wrong format! I want them in the right format!”

Manager: *Sternly* “Ma’am, they wouldn’t look like this if you had requested your gift receipts during your transaction. Since you waited until after you paid, this is the format they come in. I assure you that they will work just fine.”

Muttering, the woman leaves, and I help the next gentleman who has been waiting quite patiently throughout this whole mess. 

Is that the end of it? Nope!

The manager returns to his duties and the woman returns so quickly that I know she was waiting for him to leave. She then proceeds to stand to the side and loudly berate me for not ASKING if she wanted a gift receipt as this was OBVIOUSLY her Christmas shopping. 

It was not obvious. It is mid-September, and our store is set up for back-to-school sales. Nothing Christmas-related is going to appear until late October sometime.

She berates me for FIVE MINUTES.

I attempt to ignore her. I ring the gentleman up for his medium-sized purchase and hit total, and she jumps in.

Woman: “You didn’t ask him if he wanted a gift receipt, either! You’re obviously not smart enough to do your job! Sir, did you want a gift receipt?”

Gentleman: “Erm… no, thank you.”

He gives me a rather spooked look.

Woman: “You see, that’s how you do your job! How can you not ask every transaction if a customer wants a gift receipt?”

At this point, I’ve officially snapped.

Me: “ENOUGH!”

The woman is stunned into silence.

Me: “Do you know what harassment is? Do you? It’s what you’re doing right now! You are harassing me and my customer. Now, you can either take your purchases and leave, or you can stand right there while I call the police and file harassment charges against you. It’s your call.”

Woman: “But—”

Me: “It’s September. There was no way I could assume that you wanted Christmas presents this early. And if a cashier doesn’t ask, you do have the power to ask me to include them before you pay. And I would have. As it is, you have what you want anyway and you’re still not happy. Leave.”

She spins around, enraged, and sees the manager coming up to the entrance of the music section with his arms crossed.

Woman: “Did you hear what she said to me?!”

Manager: “Yes.”

Woman: “Don’t you have anything to say to her about her atrocious behavior?”

Manager: “Yes.” *To me* “Call the police. She obviously thinks you were bluffing about the harassment charges.”

She splutters as I reach for the phone, and then she flees the store.

When she leaves, the manager quietly says:

Manager: “Next time, call a manager to deal with harpies like that. You’re not paid to put up with that crap. We are. We’ll take care of it for you.”

Now, here’s the funniest part: if you got a gift receipt in September and didn’t give the gift until December, the gift receipt would be expired! They were only good for sixty days, and the “extended holiday returns” policy only covered stuff bought in November and December. So they wouldn’t do her any good, anyway!

I miss that job and that manager.

It’s amazing how many people don’t know their own addresses, and I didn’t realize just how bad it was until I started working in a job where I have to ship boxes every day.

Basically, I work in a custom book-making shop, and then we ship the books to whoever ordered them. So many people get their addresses wrong. So. Many.

But my favorite to date was this one order we got that wanted us to ship their books to “home”.

I work in a bookstore.

Customer: “I’m looking for a book. Can you help me?”

Me: “Sure. What’s it called?”

Customer: “I don’t remember. But it’s blue.”

Me: “Okay, do you know the author’s name? Or what the subject is?”

Customer: “I just know that it’s blue.”

I found it. It was “The South Beach Diet,” and I got it on the first try.

I’m working in a bookstore.

Customer: “I’m looking for a self-help book about stress.”

Me: “Okay, do you know what it’s called?”

Customer: “I just know it has ‘stress’ in the title.”

Me: “I’ll gladly order it for you if you can figure out the title.”

Customer: “Can I see the list of available books with that title?”

I searched it for her and there were many thousands of results. She started searching. She eventually gave up, but not before screaming at me until I was in tears.

I hope she found the book; she clearly needed it.

In the late 1970s, I was a fairly new employee at a pretty large and popular bookstore in a mall. I answered the phone.

Caller: “I’m looking for that blue book.”

Seriously!

Caller: “You know, the one with the torso on the cover?”

Luckily, I was able to figure out that she was looking for “La méthode Callanétic,” an exercise program, and offered to set aside a copy for her, no obligation.

It was particularly lucky because it turned out to be a head honcho doing a secret shopper, and I did everything right! I even got a commendation at the next store meeting!