• A Pain In The Nugget
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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Flayed Nerves

    | California, USA | Language & Words

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a cookbook by a famous chef. He’s on TV. His name is Bobby Fray.”

    Me: “Oh, sure…you mean Bobby Flay. Let me—”

    Customer: “No, no, NO! I said Bobby FRAY. That’s F-R-A-Y. Fray!”

    Me: “Okay, just follow me over to the cookbooks. We’ll take a look and see if we can find what you’re looking for.”

    (She follows me to the cookbooks. I pull one of Bobby Flay’s books off the shelf and hand it to her.)

    Me: “Is this the author you were looking for?”

    Customer: “Yes! See, Bobby Fray—”

    (Upon reading “Flay,” she screams in frustration and throws the book on the floor at my feet and storms out.)

    Me: *speechless*

    Weekly Roundup: The Parent Is Not Always Right

    , , , , | Not Always Right | Family & Kids, Roundups

    The Parent Is Not Always Right: This week, we feature five stories of people who aren’t just bad customers, but bad parents too!

    1. Bad Parents Bug Us:
      A mother and her two “angels” go on an insect-killing spree at a zoo.
    2. Fruit Is But One Food Group:
      There’s nothing sweet about this parent’s approach to nutrition!
    3. Talking S*** Behind Someone’s Back 101:
      A mother teaches her daughter the joys of smack-talk.
    4. Rounding Down To The Nearest Child:
      Signs you have too many kids: you don’t know how many you have!
    5. Oh Where, Oh Where Have My Role Models Gone:
      Nanny nanny boo-boo, mommy acts like a doo-doo!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Hardcovers Vs. Hard Hats

    | Melbourne, Australia | Crazy Requests

    Customer: “Hi, do you have any safety vests?”

    Me: “Safety vests?”

    Customer: “Yeah. Safety vests.”

    Me: “Like the ones that are neon yellow with reflective stripes?”

    Customer: “Yes! A safety vest! Are you an idiot?”

    Me: “Uhhh, no sir, but we’re a science fiction bookstore. You’d want a hardware store for that kind of thing.”

    Customer: “Well, why DON’T you sell them?”

    Me: “Because we sell books.”

    Customer: “Well, you should!”

    Me: “I don’t think many of our customers would normally want a safety vest when they come into a bookstore, sir.”

    Customer: “Well, I did!”

    Please See The “Time Travel” Section

    Greeting Sheldon Cooper

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Bizarre

    (I am greeting customers by the front entrance when an elderly man enters with his middle-aged daughter.)

    Me: “How’s it going today, sir?”

    Customer: “Well, that entirely depends on what you mean by ‘it,’ doesn’t it?”

    Me: “Um, well—”

    Customer: “If by ‘it’ you mean to ask how I’m doing, well, my back is very bad today. I’ve had several surgeries on it and it is still remarkably painful.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that—”

    Customer: “On the other hand, perhaps ‘it’ is a vague reference to the general state of things in this country. If that is, in fact, the case, I should point out that the current economic climate—”

    Customer’s Daughter: “What he means to say is that he’s fine. Thanks for asking!” *mouths to me when he’s not looking* “I’m sorry!”

    Dating Sheldon Cooper, Part 8 (Not Always Romantic)

    Alls Well That Bookends Well

    | Fort Worth, TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal, Money, Top

    (A sharply-dressed man comes to the counter with a woman of his age and a 5-year-old kid walking near them.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Man: “Yes, can you tell the price of those books, please?”

    (He hands me a list, and I use it to calculate the total price of the books in question.)

    Me: “Okay, the total comes to $242.14.”

    Man: “Alright. Do you take debit cards?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Man: “Ten years ago, when I was a teen, we stole those books in your shop with my wife here as a student prank. Now that we both have a good job, we want to show my kid that you must fix your errors in life.”

    (I stayed speechless for a good minute before taking his payment. If there’s a “Customer of the Month” award, this family takes the cake!)

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