Hardcovers Vs. Hard Hats

| Melbourne, Australia | Crazy Requests

Customer: “Hi, do you have any safety vests?”

Me: “Safety vests?”

Customer: “Yeah. Safety vests.”

Me: “Like the ones that are neon yellow with reflective stripes?”

Customer: “Yes! A safety vest! Are you an idiot?”

Me: “Uhhh, no sir, but we’re a science fiction bookstore. You’d want a hardware store for that kind of thing.”

Customer: “Well, why DON’T you sell them?”

Me: “Because we sell books.”

Customer: “Well, you should!”

Me: “I don’t think many of our customers would normally want a safety vest when they come into a bookstore, sir.”

Customer: “Well, I did!”

Related:
Please See The “Time Travel” Section

Greeting Sheldon Cooper

| Livingston, NJ, USA | Bizarre

(I am greeting customers by the front entrance when an elderly man enters with his middle-aged daughter.)

Me: “How’s it going today, sir?”

Customer: “Well, that entirely depends on what you mean by ‘it,’ doesn’t it?”

Me: “Um, well—”

Customer: “If by ‘it’ you mean to ask how I’m doing, well, my back is very bad today. I’ve had several surgeries on it and it is still remarkably painful.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that—”

Customer: “On the other hand, perhaps ‘it’ is a vague reference to the general state of things in this country. If that is, in fact, the case, I should point out that the current economic climate—”

Customer’s Daughter: “What he means to say is that he’s fine. Thanks for asking!” *mouths to me when he’s not looking* “I’m sorry!”

Related:
Dating Sheldon Cooper, Part 8 (Not Always Romantic)

Alls Well That Bookends Well

| Fort Worth, TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal, Money, Top

(A sharply-dressed man comes to the counter with a woman of his age and a 5-year-old kid walking near them.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Man: “Yes, can you tell the price of those books, please?”

(He hands me a list, and I use it to calculate the total price of the books in question.)

Me: “Okay, the total comes to $242.14.”

Man: “Alright. Do you take debit cards?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Man: “Ten years ago, when I was a teen, we stole those books in your shop with my wife here as a student prank. Now that we both have a good job, we want to show my kid that you must fix your errors in life.”

(I stayed speechless for a good minute before taking his payment. If there’s a “Customer of the Month” award, this family takes the cake!)

How About We Read You The Riot Act

| Cape Town, South Africa | Love/Romance

Customer: “Hi, I am looking for a fashion book.”

Me: “Sure, sir. Do you know the title or any specifics?”

Customer: “No, I do not.”

Me: “I will show you the fashion section then, sir.”

(As we walk to the fashion section…)

Customer: “I don’t know why people read; it’s like a disease! I find Facebook and other things on the internet are more fun.”

Me: “I enjoy reading, sir. It’s quite stimulating and exciting.”

Customer: “So, if you read, that means you don’t have a girlfriend?”

Me: “I do have a girlfriend. We have been together a long time.”

Customer: “How does she put up with you reading?”

Me: “She enjoys reading too, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, so you two must have a very boring life together and do nothing fun!”

The Time Traveler’s Strife

| Provo, UT, USA | Extra Stupid

Me: “Thank you for calling [bookstore]. This is [name], how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to order 20 copies of [title].”

(I look it up.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like that book is out of print.”

Customer: “It can’t be out of print! I have a copy of it right here in my hand!”

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