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    Hair Asunder Down Under

    | Melbourne, Australia | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque

    (My hair is naturally a rather unusual color of red that naturally highlights due to a melanin imbalance. I am a male. A few months ago I shaved my head for charity. A male customer comes to the counter.)

    Customer: “Oh my, you have such wonderful hair. May I touch it?”

    Me: *laughing* “I hear that a lot. You should have seen it when I had it down to here…”

    (I indicate my hip where my hair used to reach.)

    Me: “I had to shave it all off, though.”

    Customer: “Where I am from in Spain, it is very common for people to shave their bodies. No need to be ashamed!”

    Me: “Oh, no…no! I mean my head hair went down to there.”

    Customer: “Oh! It must have been beautiful! Still, you should consider shaving your body! Everybody on the beach likes it.” *winks at me and walks out*

    Part Two, The Afterlife

    | Virginia, USA | Books & Reading

    (I’m helping a customer find “The Autobiography of Mark Twain”. As I hand it to her, she remarks on the size of the book.)

    Me: “It’s hard to believe it’s only volume one, isn’t it?”

    Customer: “It is?”

    Me: “Yeah, see? Right under the title.”

    Customer: “Oh, he must not have written the second one yet!”

    I Can Almost Feel Edward’s Embrace

    | Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Books & Reading

    Customer: “I want to know what romance books are good right now. I want a really good romance, since I’m going on vacation.”

    Me: “Well, I don’t really read romance novels, but I can tell you what is popular. Have you read any Sherrilyn Kenyon?”

    Customer: “What is it? Is it like vampires or something?”

    Me: “It’s considered paranormal romance and is very popular.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want anything unrealistic.”

    Me: “Well, then you probably don’t want a romance novel.”

    Customer: “I want something realistic like Twilight. Do you have any books like that?”

    Ask Again And You’ll Get Slytherin

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Family & Kids, Geeks Rule

    (This takes place when I am hosting a release party for one of the Harry Potter books. As kids come in, we “sort” them into a Hogwarts house by having them choose a sticker from a sorting hat.)

    Me: “Welcome! Would you like to get sorted into a Hogwarts House?”

    (The daughter of a customer reaches into the hat and pulls her hand out to reveal a Ravenclaw sticker.)

    Customer: “Ravenclaw?! Hey, buddy, she really wanted Gryffindor. Let her pick again.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. All the Sorting Hat’s decisions are final.”

    Customer: “Just give her a Gryffindor sticker!”

    Me: “I don’t think that would be fair. All the other kids picked and stuck with their choice. And we’re actually getting ready to start an activity for the Ravenclaw kids, so–”

    Customer: “No daughter of mine is getting stuck with those weird Ravenclaw kids! She’s clearly a Gryffindor!”

    Daughter: “Actually, Daddy, I like Ravenclaw. That’s where all the smart kids go!”

    Customer: “Screw that! Who wants to hang out with the nerds? Give her a Gryffindor sticker!”

    Me: “Okay, here you go!”

    Customer: “Finally! I’m going to talk to the manager about you.”

    (As they walk away the customer loudly teases his daughter for wanting to live with the smart kids. He did complain to my manager, but we just had a good laugh about it afterwards.)

    One Size Wraps All

    | Houston, TX, USA |

    Customer: “Is this unisex?”

    Me: “It’s a towel, I don’t–”

    Customer: “But is it unisex?”

    Me: “It’s a towel set.”

    Customer: “I know, but is it unisex?”

    Me: “It’s a towel. I’m pretty sure towels are unisex worldwide.”

    Customer: “You better be right!”

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