It’s approximately 5:30 on a Saturday night — about thirty minutes before we close. I’m alone at the counter while my only other coworker is in the shelves tidying things up. Two teenage boys come in, one wearing what appears to be a band uniform consisting of a black button-up, black slacks, and a silver tie. It strikes me as a little odd, but I don’t really think anything of it.

About ten minutes later, the boy comes up to the counter with a book in his hand.

Boy: “Yeah, so… I don’t have any money, but what about—” *slowly places an unopened can of soda on the counter* “—you take this?”

Me: “Sorry, mate, no can do.”

Boy: “Oh. That’s okay. I’ll just go put it back.”

Me: *Holding back laughter* “Sure thing.”

Boy: “Did you, uh… want the soda anyway?”

Me: “Sure…? Why not? Thanks, mate.”

He proceeds to hand over the soda and I put it behind the counter. [Boy] wanders back into the shelves, followed by his friend. Five or so minutes later, he leaves with his friend. Then, my coworker comes wandering up, clutching another can of soda with a confused expression on his face.

Coworker: “Did he…?”

Me: “Yup.”

Coworker: “Did you…?”

Me: “Nope.”

Coworker: “But you…?”

Me: *Holding up my own can* “Yup.”

I work in a bookstore. Usual day at work at first, some busy times, some slow. It’s during a slow time that a customer walks in, looks at me for an uncomfortably long time and comes over:

Customer: “You’re too fat, you should do something about that. I hate seeing fat people. Some of us actually take care of ourselves.”

I am fat, but it’s largely due to being physically disabled and on a load of meds that cause weight gain.

Me: “Did you want a book or just to say that to a complete stranger?”

Customer: “I did want a book, but I refuse to give money to fat slobs. It’s a bad company image for lazy people to be visible. Some of us work hard to be healthy.”

Me: “Okay, if you’re just here to insult me I’m going to ask you to leave”

Customer: “Not till you promise to take better care of your health. Come on, just a quick jog!”

Me: “Get. Out. Now”

Customer: “Oh, what you gonna do? Finally get off your chair and throw me out? Most movement you’ve ever done.”

Me: “No, gonna radio the security for the shopping centre.”

I pick up the radio and this guy flees immediately. I still called them and they promised to find him and ban him. Haven’t seen him since so guess it worked.

I’m in the back sorting through orders when I hear the sound of someone up the front. I’m the only person working today, so I go up to check on the customer.

I arrive just in time to see this man MOVE a very heavy sign that I’ve placed in front of the door, for the express purposes of keeping customers out of the store. He makes a beeline for the counter, where there is clearly no one to be found.

Me: “Sir! You can’t be in here. I’m going to have to ask you to leave, please.”

He stops dead, looks at me, and then slowly starts backing away.

Man: “I didn’t know.”

Me: “That’s okay, but I’m still going to have to ask you to leave.”

Man: “I didn’t know.”

I’m ignoring the fact that the sign he moved to get in was very obviously placed in front of the only entrance. It turns out the man wants a refund for an order he placed yesterday. Now that I’ve got the guy’s name, I know exactly who it is. He’s a regular. I KNOW he knows that customers aren’t allowed inside.

Man: “I didn’t know.”

I processed his refund and he left, still muttering “I didn’t know” as he went.

I work in a bookstore.

Customer: “I’m looking for books about the Beatles.”

I take him over and point out what we have. It turns out he just wants to spout off conspiracy theories about Paul McCartney being dead, etc. He just keeps talking and talking.

My manager sees what is happening and pages me to another part of the store.

Me: “Sorry, gotta go!”

A scammer strides up to my register, tosses some books onto the counter, and ignores my “Did you find everything you needed today?”

Scammer: “Here.”

Me: “Okay, sir.”

I ring the books up, bagging them all the while. Before I can hit total, a handful of money comes flying at me. Now, the books are on my side of the counter, so I drop the books at my feet and, by some miracle, slap down the bouncing coins so they don’t scatter all over the floor.

Scammer: “That should be enough. Just give me my books and I will let you keep the change.”

Um, no. Red flag. You have deliberately scattered your money all over and want your books now before I have even counted what you gave me? No. No. No.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I have to count your change.”

Scammer: *Huff, puff, splutter!* “Give me my books! There should be enough! I’m in a hurry!”

I pretend not to notice the immediate shifting of posture and blustering.

Me: “Well, you have to go through the transaction as normal, sir, and the more you argue, the longer it’s going to take.”

He makes a sound like a strangled goose and waits huffily. I count the money up in front of him. He’s sixty-four cents short.

Me: “Looks like you’re a little short, sir.”

Scammer: *Death glare* “There. Should. Be. Enough.”

Me: “No, sir, you’re a little short. And none of your coins have fallen to the floor. You just need to add a bit more change and you’ll be fine.”

The scammer splutters, coughs, growls, fishes out another dollar, and shoves it at me.

Me: “There we go. All fixed up!”

I gave him a cheery smile as I gave him his change and his bags now that he’d paid in full.

Yeah, I know your game, and you wanted the store to eat that lost change so you could brag about how you didn’t pay sixty-four freaking cents. So sorry you got caught!