Rushing: It’s All Relative

| Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout

(Our company has a free membership cards, where people can collect points on their purchases that build towards discounts. Cashiers are required to ask all of our customers if they have a card.)

Me: “Do you have one of our membership cards?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “All right, would you like to sign up for one today? They’re free, and they’ll eventually save you some money.”

Customer: “No, no! I’m in a rush, so, never mind.”

Me: “All right, your total is [total]”

(The customer pays, but is no longer paying attention to me. Instead, she’s talking to her boyfriend, looking annoyed, and is visibly waving around one of our membership cards.)

Customer’s Boyfriend: “You know that’s one of their cards, right?”

Customer: “Is it? Oh, well is it too late to get my points?”

Me: “Unfortunately, the transaction has already gone through, so yes it is. You can come in when you have some more time and I can do a point adjustment. I just have to refund and resell you your purchase.”

Customer: “Well, can you do it now? We’re not in a rush…”

Now We Know Why Katniss Wants To Kick A**

| Pennsylvania, USA |

Teenage customer: “I’d like to return The Hunger Games.”

(Note that she had just purchased The Hunger Games a few minutes ago. As is customary, I ask if there’s anything wrong.)

Me: “I’ll be happy to return this for you. Were you not happy with it?”

Teenage customer: “Oh, I just changed my mind. I thought of something better that I wanted.”

Me: “Oh, what’s that?”

Teenage customer:Twilight!”

Your Comprehension Of Comprehension Is Incomprehensible

| Illinois, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words

(I am a bookstore clerk at the local high school. I am talking to a mom who is getting the books her daughter needs.)

Mother: “My daughter doesn’t have a problem with comprehension! She just doesn’t understand the material.”

Meaning What I Say

| Omaha, NE, USA |

(We usually ask if the customer would like a bag for a single item purchase.)

Me: “Do you need a bag for this, sir?”

Customer: “I don’t need a bag, if that’s what you’re trying to ask!”

The Truth Is Waaay Out There

| Southern Missouri, USA | Bizarre, Zombies

Customer: “Do you know who wrote Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter?”

Me: “Oh yeah…it was the same guy who wrote Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I can show you where it is.”

Customer: “When I first heard about this book, I was shocked! I had to sit there for a minute and see if I remembered any of my teachers mentioning that Lincoln killed vampires.”

(I decide to remain silent while she continues.)

Customer: “You know, the government tries to keep things like this from us. You can tell, because they never mention any of the supernatural things that happen in the news. You know…all those true exorcism and demon movies!”

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