Sure Thing, Sweet Cheeks

| Ontario, Canada | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(We have international newspapers that we keep behind us at the till. Also, I’m female. I’ve just finished ringing up some British newspapers for a customer.)

Me: “Have a brilliant day.”

Customer: “Can I take a look at your rack?”

(This not only catches me off guard, but all the staff and customers within earshot, who turn and look at us.)

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “I just want to see what else you’ve got to offer.”

(Everybody is still staring.)

Customer: *realizing what he’s said* “Oh! Your newspaper rack.”

Weekend Roundup: Time Travel

, , | Not Always Right | Roundups

Time Travel! This week, we show it’s only a matter of “time” before you run into customers with no grasp of time—past, present, or future!

  1. Someone’s About To Get Smacked To The Future:
    An unsuspecting wife gets sent out by a husband on a fool’s errand to look for a flux capacitor—in a flying DeLorean, no doubt.
  2. A Tale Of Time Traveling Tune-Ups:
    The customer is always right, even if it means ripping a hole in the space-time continuum.
  3. Doctor Sue:
    Look, man, we all wish your replica TARDIS actually flew through time, but unless you’re a Time Lord with a chameleon circuit, you’re barking up the wrong police box.
  4. Eastern Standard Time Travelers:
    Getting time zones mixed up with time travel? No big deal, although teleporting New York City three hours into the future would be kinda cool.
  5. Please See The “Time Travel” Section:
    This dinosaur-craving bookstore customer has been watching a little bit too much Jurassic Park!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Rushing: It’s All Relative

| Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout

(Our company has a free membership cards, where people can collect points on their purchases that build towards discounts. Cashiers are required to ask all of our customers if they have a card.)

Me: “Do you have one of our membership cards?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “All right, would you like to sign up for one today? They’re free, and they’ll eventually save you some money.”

Customer: “No, no! I’m in a rush, so, never mind.”

Me: “All right, your total is [total]”

(The customer pays, but is no longer paying attention to me. Instead, she’s talking to her boyfriend, looking annoyed, and is visibly waving around one of our membership cards.)

Customer’s Boyfriend: “You know that’s one of their cards, right?”

Customer: “Is it? Oh, well is it too late to get my points?”

Me: “Unfortunately, the transaction has already gone through, so yes it is. You can come in when you have some more time and I can do a point adjustment. I just have to refund and resell you your purchase.”

Customer: “Well, can you do it now? We’re not in a rush…”

Now We Know Why Katniss Wants To Kick A**

| Pennsylvania, USA | Uncategorized

Teenage customer: “I’d like to return The Hunger Games.”

(Note that she had just purchased The Hunger Games a few minutes ago. As is customary, I ask if there’s anything wrong.)

Me: “I’ll be happy to return this for you. Were you not happy with it?”

Teenage customer: “Oh, I just changed my mind. I thought of something better that I wanted.”

Me: “Oh, what’s that?”

Teenage customer:Twilight!”

Your Comprehension Of Comprehension Is Incomprehensible

| Illinois, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words

(I am a bookstore clerk at the local high school. I am talking to a mom who is getting the books her daughter needs.)

Mother: “My daughter doesn’t have a problem with comprehension! She just doesn’t understand the material.”

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