Customer: “I’d like to have this book.” *holding a yoga book about relaxation with discount sticker on it*

Me: “I’m sorry sir. There seems to have been a mistake here. The book is to be sold at full price. The sticker was put on it by mistake.”

Customer: *A bit frustrated* “Can I get a discount anyway?”

Me: “I’ll see what I can do.” *trying to change the price in the
register* “…I’m sorry. This book has a locked price.”

Customer: “Well, shove it up your a**hole then!” *storms out*

(I work at a bookstore; this happens almost daily)

Customer: “Excuse me, where is your gardening section?”

Me: “Over there.”

Customer: “I mean gardening BOOKS.”

Customer: “Do you have any maps of South Africa?” (We’re in Ontario, Canada.)

Me, having a look: “No, it seems we don’t. Your best bet will be online or to wait till you get there.”

Customer: “But you have maps of everywhere else! I looked in the computer and it said you had them!”

Me: “Did we have any in stock?”

Customer: “You have maps of places all over the states, but not South Africa.”

Me: “I guess there’s more interest cause people can drive there.”

Customer: “This is discrimination! I want a map of South Africa.”

Me: “Let me go check the computer again.” *runs*

(I was working on the customer service desk and answered a call from a customer inquiring about a special order they had placed)

Customer: “Yes my name is ****. The name of the DVD is ‘Spring Break’.”

(I put the customer’s details into the computer, and the search results say the full name of the DVD was “Spring Break Sex Riot” which also had an…. explicit cover on it. I assumed that there must have been a mistake and the wrong title was ordered)

Me: “Um……. I think I found your order here on the system, but it hasn’t arrived in the store yet. I think there might be a mistake here–could you give me some more details about the film?”

Customer: “Ah man, you’re missing out!! You have to see it!! Its about all these hot chicks who go on spring break and have lots of sex! Its excellent!”

Me: *glad I have never been this desperate*

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a book.”

Me: “Yeah, I know. You called a bookstore.”

Customer: “Yeah, my son really likes this one band that has a really popular song out right now.”

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know the name of their album, their band name, or the name of the song but the tune is like this: ‘ba ba bee da dum dum baaa.’”

Me: “…”

Customer: *not very happy with me* “Do you have any clue what I’m talking about?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but we can’t really look up ‘ba ba bee da dum dum baaa’ in our computer.”

Customer: “Don’t be a smart a** with me, missy.”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Ma’am, I’m not trying to be a smart a**, I’m just saying there isn’t really any way I can help you unless you have some information I can look up.”

Customer: *yelling* “NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I EVER BEEN TREATED SO DISRESPECTFULLY AT SOME BULLS*** BOOK STORE! EVERY TIME I COME HERE YOU AND YOUR CO-WORKERS ACT AS IF IT’S SUCH A CHORE TO HELP CUSTOMERS!”

Me: *trying really hard not to laugh* “Would you like me to call my manager?”

Customer: “YES!”

(I page my manager, which we have several but I lucked out and got the good one)

Rad manager: *irritated because she was busy* “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “Yes, the…”

Rad manager: “No, I wasn’t talking to you.”

Customer: “Well!”

Me: “She wants me to look up a song using only the tune.”

Rad manager: *laughs*

Customer: *again, yelling* “IS IT SO HARD TO ASK FOR A LITTLE HELP OR DO YOU NOT OFFER THAT FOR FREE? ALL I NEED FROM YOU IS THE BAND NAME THAT SINGS THAT ONE SONG THAT GOES LIKE THIS, ‘BA BA BEE DA DUM DUM BAAA’! IT ISN’T THAT HARD TO FIGURE IT OUT!”

Me: “So go home and figure it out and give us a call.”

Customer: “I will never shop here again! I’m taking my business to Barnes & Noble!”

Rad manager and I: “Okay. Bye.”

Source

Lady: “I’m looking for a book; I don’t remember the name, but it has a green cover.”

Me: *pointing to shelf* “All of our green books are over there.”

(Older lady comes in, doesn’t know me, yet decides to make me intimately knowledgeable about her husband’s surgery; she eventually runs out of steam when I don’t respond and looks around at the books on the shelves)

Lady: “I like books.”

Me: “Good! Anything you’re looking for?”

Lady: *ignores my question* “I saw on TV that books are good to have because they make your house look nice.”

Me: *barely stifling a smile* “Really? I heard they’re also good to read.”

Lady: (Evidently, my comment goes right over her) “And you can use them to prop up the bed.”

(Her husband buys books, and then swiftly escorts her out)

Bookstore Customer: “Do people donate all these books to you?”

Me: “Yes. We show up for work every morning and there are boxes of valuable books sitting at the front door.”

Bookstore Customer: “Wow, really! I could open a book store?”

Me: “Sure!”

Bookstore Customer: “If I opened a store, how would people know where to leave the books?”

Source

Customer: “Excuse me, how do I get up the stairs?”

Me: “If you don’t already know, I’m afraid I can’t help you.”