(I am a student working in the on campus bookstore. A customer comes in and approaches me.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I need a map of Washington.”

Me: “Washington state or Washington, D.C.?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Do you need a map for Washington state or Washington, D.C.?”

Customer: *confused* “What’s the difference, and what do you mean by D.C.?”

Me: “Well, one is a state above Oregon on the West coast, and the other—Washington, D.C.—is an area on the east coast. ‘D.C.’ stands for District of Columbia.”

Customer: “No, not in Colombia! In America!”

Me: “Ma’am, Washington, D.C. is in America. That is what it is called.”

Customer: “I don’t think you know what you’re talking about. I just need a map of Washington for my political science class.”

Me: “Ah, then I’ll get you a map of Washington, D.C.”

Customer: “I think you’re wrong. I am going to tell my professor you guys are giving out maps of Colombia!” *walks away looking very annoyed*

Related:
Make Benefit Glorious Guestlogisticstan
The Great State Of Confusion, Part 2
The Great State Of Confusion
The Great State Of Ignorance

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this item, I can’t give it as a gift .”

(He hands me a copy of Pygmalion.)

Me: “That shouldn’t be a problem. Is there anything wrong with it?”

Customer: “Turns out it’s a play. They wont be able to read it.”

Me: “Oh, they don’t like plays?”

Customer: “No, they can’t read it because there aren’t enough people to read the parts!”

Me: “Might I suggest that they just read it like a regular book?”

Customer: *looks at me like I’m crazy*

(Two kids in the 10 to 12-year old range come to the register with 3 different marijuana-themed magazines.)

Me: “Um, I don’t think I can sell you those.”

Kids: “But our mom says it’s okay.”

Me: “Is she even in the store?”

(Their mother comes over a few minutes later and buys the magazines.)

Mother: “As long as they’re reading, right?”

Related:
Reading Is Infectious

(I am working customer service at a well-known bookstore, and have just completed filling an order for an elderly woman over the phone.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, that takes care of that order. It’ll be here in a week and we’ll call you once it’s received.”

Customer: “Oh, well, thank you very much. You’ve been a real help.”

Me: “It’s no problem, ma’am. You have a good d–”

Customer: “How dare you.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am?”

Customer: “How dare you say it was nothing to help me! As if helping me means nothing!”

Me: *dumbfounded and a bit shocked*

(At this point, the customer launches into a full-blown tirade against “my generation” and “young workers” who have “no respect for their elders.”)

Customer: “And it’s just, you know, despicable how they can let you get away with something like this! I think that you all should–”

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “And I just think that–”

Me: “Ma’am.”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “Have a pleasant day, ma’am.” *hangs up*

(I work in the large children’s section of a popular independent bookstore in our area.)

Customer: “Do you guys carry those train wreck books?”

Me: “Hmmm, I’m not familiar with anything like that. Is it a series, or maybe something from non-fiction?”

Customer: “Yeah, It’s a series. The Trainwreck Kids!”

(A light bulb goes on in my head.)

Me: “Oh, wait, do you mean The Boxcar Children?”

Customer: *blushes and starts to laugh* “Yeah, that’s it!”

Related:
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 5
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

(I approach a customer to see if he needs help.)

Me: “Hello!”

Customer: “No, thank you.”

Me: *confused*

(I work at a bookstore. It’s well known at work that my voice resembles my manager’s voice.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [bookstore], this is–”

Caller: “Hey, you little vixen, when are you coming home? I’ve got a bottle of champagne–”

Me: “Um, wait, I–”

Caller: “Ooh, I’m gonna–”

Me: *turning beet red* “Nancy! Your husband is on the phone!”

Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number

Customer: “Do you have Pride and Prejudice?”

Me: “Of course, it’s right over this way.”

(I grab a copy and hand it to her.)

Customer: “Was this written before or after the movie?”

Me: *caught off guard* “Um…before.”