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    Anna Oprahnina

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

    (I am a book seller in a large book-store chain. A woman is standing in front of the new release table and is looking frustrated.)

    Me: “Can I help you, miss?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a new book. Oprah said it just came out. You should keep more new releases in stock! Especially if it’s a book by Oprah!”

    Me: “Okay, well, maybe it’s somewhere else in the store. I can check for you. Do you know the title?”

    Customer: “It’s called Anna Karenina.”

    Me: *pause* “Oh, that should be in our literature section, under Tolstoy.”

    Customer: “Why is it not in the new releases? Oprah said it was just published!”

    Me: “Well, actually it was written in the 1870s.”

    Customer: “No, it wasn’t! Oprah said it was new! Oprah doesn’t lie! She’s Oprah!”

    Me: “Okay. Do you want to get the book?”

    Customer: “Of course! Oprah said I have to read it. Oprah!”

    (My coworkers spent the rest of the day randomly shouting ‘Oprah!’ over the headsets.)

    Didn’t Play Their Cards Right

    | VA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

    (Our store is having an Easter sale and has sent promotional emails to our customers, which contain ads and coupons. I’m ringing up a customer who has made a large purchase, most of which consists of gift cards, which are never discounted. When I tell her the total and how much she’s saved, she becomes upset.)

    Customer: “I spent nearly $300! My discount should be much higher!”

    (I double-check the totals to make sure I haven’t rung up anything incorrectly.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I believe your savings are lower because most of what you spent

    was on gift cards, and we don’t discount those.”

    Customer: “But the email I was sent had a picture of an Easter basket with a gift card in it! I should get my discount on the gift cards too, since there was a gift card in the picture! That’s false advertising!”

    (Despite my best efforts to explain, she asks to speak to my manager.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, a gift card is literally an exchange of money, dollar for dollar. We don’t ever give discounts on gift cards, and as you can see, we don’t charge tax on them either. That doesn’t happen until you purchase something with the gift card.

    Customer: “Oh… well, I guess I learned something today.”

    Manager: “For future reference, the fine print here on your coupon also states that we can’t discount gift cards.”

    Customer: “I could spend all day reading fine print if I wanted to. I have a Ph.D.! Nobody reads the fine print!”

    Saying Bi To Singledom Any Way Possible

    | Torrance, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Love/Romance

    (I’m female and helping an elderly customer and his 18 year old grandson at the register. As I am ringing him up, he starts up a conversation.)

    Customer: “How would you like to go out with my grandson?”

    Me: *smiling* “I’m sorry, sir.”

    Customer: “Aw, come on.” *points to grandson* “He’s good-looking and needs someone.”

    Me: *feeling a little awkward* “I have a boyfriend. Sorry, sir.”

    Customer: “Why are all the cute ones always taken?” *takes bags and leaves the store*

    (30 seconds later, a male coworker notices the customer’s receipt still in the register. He grabs it and runs out of the store to give it to the customer. My coworker walks back into the store a few minutes later.)

    Me: “You know, that customer just tried to hook me up with his grandson.”

    Male Coworker: “…he just tried to do the same thing to me.”

    Not Very Closed Minded

    | CA, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (It is 20 minutes after closing, and I am helping my coworker count the drawers. The phone rings, and typically, by protocol, we do not answer if it is the local area code. However, the area code for this number matches head office’s, so we decide to pick it up if they try calling again. Sure enough, the phone rings a second time with the same number. My coworker picks it up and relays the rest of the conversation to me afterward.)

    Coworker: “[Bookstore], [City].”

    Customer: “Hi, are you open?”

    Coworker: “No, I’m afraid we closed a half hour ago.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, when are you open?”

    Coworker: “10 am.”

    Customer: “Okay… Can I ask you a question about a book?”

    Coworker: “…10 am.”

    (He hangs up.)

    Coworker: “Next time, I’ll ask them to hold and then pick up the phone at 10 am tomorrow and say, ‘Okay, I can take your question now.’ That’ll show ‘em.”

    Decisions Derisions

    | Malaysia | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a remainder bookstore. We have a notorious customer who comes in few minutes before closing to browse books. She doesn’t buy them. She reserves her browses for months and pays for them even later.)

    Customer: “Since you released my reservations, I want you to find my books again. I am buying them today.”

    Supervisor: “Sure, why not. After all, we are only closing in two minutes.”

    Customer: “Oh, two minutes? Then make it quick!”

    Supervisor: *relentlessly fulfills her terrible demands, and getting angrier by the moment* “Would you kindly make your purchases now? We are way past closing time.”

    Customer: *suddenly breathes heavily, tearing up and her arms were flailing* “YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME! WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME DECIDE NOW? I AM YOUR CUSTOMER!” *proceeded to run around the store*

    Supervisor: “Miss, please! We will reserve your books and you can come tomorrow.”

    Customer: “I can’t come tomorrow! I am very busy! I have a meeting tomorrow and I have to cook for the kids!”

    Supervisor: “You can come after your working hours.”

    Customer: “No! You can’t make me decide! Don’t do this to me! You can’t make me decide!”

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