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    His Attitude Speaks Volumes

    | Cambridge, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

    (I am browsing in a well-known book store. There is an employee a few feet away from me currently filling and pricing an entire bookcase by herself. Bypassing the customer service desk right next to me, an angry-looking man storms towards the employee.)

    Customer: “You! You need to help me! I’m looking for volume 12 of [Popular New Manga Series] and you need to get it for me!”

    Employee: “Oh. Well, all our manga books are just there, where that lady is currently stood.”

    Customer: “But I can’t find it! You need to get it for me now!”

    Employee: “I’m ever so sorry, but I’m unable to leave these books unattended at the moment. There should be another of my colleagues that might be able to help you find it at the customer service desk which is just ov—”

    Customer: “But YOU need to help me! I’ve asked you! My son needs that volume and YOU need to get it for him!”

    Employee: “I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do for you.”

    (The man storms off back in my direction, shouting back at the employee.)

    Customer: “Well, you’ve been a TREMENDOUS help! Thanks for nothing, you stupid b****!”

    Me: “Hey, there’s absolutely no need for that!”

    Customer: “And just what are YOU going to do about it, b****?!”

    Me: “Hmmm, I don’t know… Oh, wait. Didn’t I hear you say you were looking for the new volume of [Popular New Manga Series]? Volume 12, wasn’t it?”

    Customer: “Yeah? What of it?!”

    Me: “Forgive me if I’m wrong, but the book I’m currently holding just happens to be that volume, doesn’t it?”

    Customer: “Yes! Where was that?!”

    Me: “Exactly where the employee told you it was before you berated her. Such a shame that this is the last copy as well. Seeing as you were such an insufferable d*****bag, you now get to watch me carry it to the checkout and purchase it! Bye!”

    (The man screamed at me and the employee for so long that the police were called. The employee actually bought the book for me out of her own pocket as a way of thanking me!)

    Doesn’t Work Its Magic On Some Customers

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Religion

    (An adult shopping for her child picks up a book from the ‘Magic: The Gathering franchise’.)

    Me: “Oh, that’s a great one, especially if you play the card game.”

    Patron: *looking at the cover* “This art is really cool. What’s it about?”

    Me: “That one is about a couple of mages who are working on a inter-dimensional teleporter, and some of the politics surrounding the mage’s school they work at.”

    Patron: “Is it… you know… violent?”

    Me: “A bit. Nothing you won’t see in any modern action movie though. I’d rate it PG.”

    Patron: “Oh, awesome. I’ll take the whole series.”

    (We have 20 books in the franchise.)

    Me: “Great! So, is your kid into fantasy and magic and such? We have lots of—”

    Patron: *gasps* “MAGIC?!”

    Me: “… Yeah?”

    Patron: “You mean… like WITCHCRAFT?!” *crosses herself and runs out*

    Closed To Fake Customers

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (Our store closes at 6 pm. It’s 6:20 and I’m standing by the front doors, waiting to lock up, while my coworker cashes out the last few customers at the store. While I’m eager to get home, I’m usually sympathetic when someone wants to grab something quickly. A woman walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Hi, are you guys closing?”

    Me: “Yeah, we’ve actually been closed for about 20 minutes.”

    Customer: “Oh, I wanted to go in.”

    Me: “Well, if you know what you want you can rush in and grab it.”

    Customer: *very bright and chipper* “Well, I wasn’t going to buy anything. I just wanted to look around.”

    Me: “Sorry, but we are closed.”

    Customer: “So you’re not going to let me in?”

    Me:“Um, no.”

    Customer: “That’s not very good customer service.”

    Me: “Well, that would be because you’re not a real customer.”

    Those Books Can Be Killer To Finish

    | KY, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Books & Reading, History

    (I’m the customer in this situation:)

    Me: “I’m looking for a copy of Les Mis and I found several different copies from different publishers. What do you recommend?”

    Staff Member: “Well, it depends. Do you want a smaller-size copy that’d fit in your purse so you can take it anywhere?”

    Me: “Well… the print in those can get pretty tiny… Actually, I’m looking for a book hefty enough to kill someone with.”

    Staff Member: “…”

    Me: “Sorry.”

    Staff Member: “In that case, I suggest Tolstoy or Proust.”

    Refunder Blunder, Part 7

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (Customers are able to purchase items through an affiliated online sales channel, which has its own customer service department. Stores really do not have a lot of information regarding these orders, but customers usually come here first when there’s a problem. This customer calls on a Saturday.)

    Caller: “Yeah, I just got an email saying my order’s been cancelled. How do I get my money back?”

    Me: “Well, your refund will be processed however you paid for it, so it will go onto your payment card automatically.”

    Caller: “How much will I get back?”

    Me: “I’m not sure; I’d have to pull up your order details.”

    (I can basically see what they ordered, what they paid, and their order status, that’s it.)

    Caller: “Can I just get cash back? I don’t want to wait a month for it to process.”

    Me: “Well, it will only take a couple of business days…”

    Caller: “So, how much am I getting back? Why is this taking so long?”

    Me: “Well, let’s see. You paid about $5—”

    Caller: “But I paid shipping! If I’m not being shipped anything, I shouldn’t be charged shipping!”

    Me: “Yes, that’s true. You will be refunded the shipping—”

    Caller: “Then how much am I getting back? And when will I be getting it? God! Why are you taking so long with this?”

    Me: “Well, this was an online order. You’d really have better luck talking to online customer service.”

    Caller: “What’s their number?”

    Me: “Let me just pull that up for you—”

    Caller: “I’m not wasting another minute on this. Call me back next month when you’ve finally found it.” *rattles off phone number and hangs up on me*

    (Despite the shock of her rudeness, I pull up the online customer service number and proceed to call her back maybe 30 seconds later.)

    Me: “Hi, I’ve got that customer service number for you—”

    Caller: “About time. Give it to me.”

    (I give her the number and she hangs up on me again.)

    Me: “Well, that was fun.”

    Coworker: “Isn’t online customer service closed on weekends?”

    Me: “Yes, it is.”

    (And I would have warned her of that if she hadn’t hung up on me again. I guessed she had fun figuring that out for herself.)

    Related:
    Refunder Blunder, Part 6
    Refunder Blunder, Part 5
    Refunder Blunder, Part 4

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