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    Twice Bitten, One Goodbye

    | OH, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month

    (We have an information and special orders desk on the upper level of our store. A customer has just taken it upon himself to come behind the desk to throw trash away despite the fact that there are several public trash cans around our store. I happen to see him do so.)

    Me: “Excuse me sir, please do not come behind the desk. This area is for employees only.”

    Customer: “You need to put trash cans where we can find them!”

    Me: “Sir there are three in the cafe, one over there, one in the restroom, and you’re welcome to ask an employee to assist you.”

    Customer: “Well I shouldn’t have to!”

    Me: “Sir, entering an employee’s only area of our store is technically a theft prevention issue and I’m afraid that I’ll have to ask you to leave the store.”

    Customer: *gets inches away from my face* “Bite me.”

    Me: “You need to leave the store right now.”

    Customer: “Bite me!”

    (He stomps off as I call my manager to assist me. He returns having heard me page my manager and ask to speak to my manager.)

    Me: “He’s already on the way.”

    Manager: “Hi, I’m the manager, what’s the problem?”

    Customer: *turns his yelling to the manager* “Your employee was completely out of control. I walked behind the desk to throw my trash away because I got food at your cafe, and—”

    Manager: “Wait. You walked behind the desk?””

    Customer: “Yes! I needed to throw my trash away and your employee was completely rude to me.”

    Me: “Sir, with all due respect, I was merely informing you that you had entered a customer restricted area.”

    Customer: “Your behavior was completely rude and unprofessional woman! If your store is going to have a food establishment in it, you need to have trash cans for your customers.”

    Manager: “Sir, there are three trash cans in the food establishment part of the store alone, and you could have asked her to throw the trash away, we are happy to oblige.”

    Customer: “Your employee was rude! I should not have to deal with such thing!”

    Manager: “I understand. I’m hearing your side of the story, and I’m hearing her say she was not rude to you. And sir, I understand that your response was to tell her to bite you?”

    Customer: *defensively* “Well, yeah!”

    Manager: “If that was actually your response, I’m inclined to side with my employee. You need to leave the store now, or I can call security.”

    Customer: “Well I can see talking to you is a waste of my time.” *stomps out*

    Iron Chef

    | QC, Canada | Family & Kids, Geeks Rule

    (I’m working in a bookstore, storing cooking books. On top of the pile is Gwyneth Paltrow’s recipe book. A boy of around 10 walks by and stops next to me.)

    Boy: “Mom, look! Pepper Potts wrote a cookbook!”

    (Being a comics fan, he totally made my day!)

    Smells Like Teen Illiteracy

    | Medford, MA, USA | Musical Mayhem

    Customer: “Do you have anything from Nirvana?”

    Me: “Sure, right this way. Here is a book about Kurt Kobain, and over here is a copy of his diary.”

    Customer: “No, the music.”

    Me: “Oh, did you want the book about the band and the grunge scene?”

    Customer: “No, the music.”

    (The customer holds up his hands to his ears, miming headphones.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, are you looking for the music on CD?”

    Customer: “Yeah, a CD.”

    Me: “Oh, sorry. We don’t sell that here. Maybe you could try the music store on the other side of the mall?”

    Customer: “What? You’re out of the CD?”

    Me: “No, we don’t sell CDs at all. Just the—”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not?”

    Me: “Ah, because this is a bookstore?”

    Customer: *looks up and around for the first time* “Huh! What a stupid store!” *walks out*

    History Needs Repeating

    | TN, USA | History

    (A customer calls, asking if we have ‘War and Peace’.)

    Me: “No, we do not.”

    Caller: “I want you to tell me all the titles of the books you have.”

    Me: “We have over 100,000 books.”

    Caller: “What types of book?”

    Me: “Fiction, mystery, how-to, true crime, western, history.”

    Caller: “What is history?”

    Me: “Like the Civil War.”

    Caller: “You mean War and Peace?”

    Me: “No, like World War 2.”

    Caller: “There was more than one?”

    Marriage Has Grey Areas

    | London, England, UK | Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners

    (I’m at a bookstore, witnessing an exchange taking place between an employee and a middle-aged male customer.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you know where your copies of 50 Shades of Grey are?”

    Employee: “Sure, they’re over there.”

    (The customer walks over to the indicated shelf and picks up a copy.)

    Customer: “Right, anniversary present… sorted!”


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