Not Quite The Harper Lee Classic

| Vancouver, BC, USA | Books & Reading, Funny Names, Movies & TV

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have ‘How to Kill a Mockingjay?'”

Me: *just stare at her, completely caught off-guard by her question* “Did you want ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ or ‘Mockingjay?'”

Customer: “To Kill a Mockingjay!”

Me: “Are you sure?” *I lead her over to the teen section, knowing she wants The Hunger Games book, Mockingjay*

Customer: “That’s it! Hunger Games!”

Me: *sigh*

(She didn’t end up buying it because it was in hardcover and she’d rather wait until it’s in paperback so I’m sure I’ll be asked for “To Kill a Mockingjay” again!)

Climbing The Ladder Of Crazy

| CO, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

(I work in an old-fashioned bookstore, with high shelves and a ladder attached to them that moves along the wall. I am standing at the very top of the ladder, balancing a box full of books between the ladder and myself. All of a sudden a customer comes racing towards me. She grabs the ladder and shoves it to one side, effectively knocking my box down.)

Customer: “It has to be right here! Where is it?!”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am! Please be careful with the ladder. I’m high up and I could get hurt!”

Customer: *ignores me* “I need help finding a book. Help me now, please!”

(She then grabs the ladder again and yanks it the other way, causing me to fall off. Thankfully I hold onto the ladder, so now I’m dangling from the side of it. Another customer quickly runs over and helps me get down from the ladder.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I said I needed help! Stop helping him and help me!”

Me: “I wasn’t helping him; he was helping me get down from the ladder so that you don’t kill me! Were you trying to break my neck?”

Customer: “What? You weren’t on the ladder. I need help finding a book. I need a book that will tell me how to smoke.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I tried it and I must have done it wrong because I coughed like crazy.”

Me: “Ma’am, you came in here, nearly killed me, and you’re trying to find a book that doesn’t exist, because you think your natural reflexes are wrong?”

Customer: “Oh, I knew I should have gone to Barnes and Noble.” *leaves store*

An Alarming Lack Of Patience

| MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

(A man walks up behind the person at the counter, even though the line is away from it.)

Cashier: “Sir, the line is over there.”

Guy: “What? Where?”

Cashier: “Right there, sir.”

(Guy leaves. I go up to the counter. He returns.)

Guy: “I’m going to pull the fire alarm if you don’t serve me.”

Teenage Drama

| OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(Due to a problem with teens destroying merchandise when unsupervised, my store has implemented a curfew which states that after nine pm, no person under 18 may be in the store unaccompanied by a parent or guardian. It’s frequent for children to lie about their age or say their parents are in another part of the store.)

Me: *spotting two obviously underage kids* “Hey, guys, are you both 18?”

Boy: *laughs* “No?”

Me: “Are your parents in the store?”

Girl: “…No?”

Me: “I’m sorry, guys, but we have a curfew and after nine you need to have your parents in the store with you.”

(They leave. About 15 minutes later a coworker spots them:)

Coworker: “Hey, are you 18?”

Boy: “Yeah.”

(I radio my coworker to tell her these are the same kids we just spoke to. She kicks them out again. 10 or so minutes later I’ve moved to the upstairs of the store and I spot the boy again.)

Me: “Hey, come on now; are your parents with you this time?”

Boy: “Yeah, she’s just downstairs.”

Me: “I’m sure. Look I need you to stay WITH your parents; you’ve been kicked out twice already.”

Boy: “What? I need to sit on my mom’s lap?”

Me: “You have to be accompanied by a parent after nine.”

Boy: “She’s right downstairs.”

Mother: *coming up the stairs* “Is there a problem?”

(I try to explain to her about our curfew but the whole time she is shouting over me.)

Mother: “HOW DARE YOU! I don’t understand why anyone would talk to a CHILD like this.”

Me: “I’m sorry if I addressed your son inappropriately, but you see we have a curfew—”

Mother: “YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m calm, but I’m trying to explain to you that we need your children to remain in your supervision at—”

Mother: “GET YOUR MANAGER. NOW!”

(I radio my manager who is covertly standing around the corner the whole time. The customer insists that I was screaming at her kids and that I rolled my eyes at her when she asked for a manager. After she leaves, another customer walks up.)

Other Customer: *to my manager* “I just want to say that she was fine, and that lady was a crazy person.”

Me: “THANK YOU.”

All Wrapped Up In Sexual Orientation

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bizarre

Customer: “Can you wrap that?”

Me: “Sure. Is it for a man or a woman?”

Customer: “A man.” *pause and then rather frantically* “Oh, but he’s gay! Does that make any difference to how you wrap it?!”

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