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    That’s One For The Books

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Books & Reading

    (A customer drives up to the store, gets out, comes in, and walks directly up to the counter without looking at a single book or item for sale. Before I can even welcome him…)

    Customer: “You are going to lose your job.”

    Me: *shocked* “I am?”

    Customer: “No one likes books anymore. Your store is going to shut down and you’ll be out of a job.”

    (He turned around, walked out without looking at a single item, jumped in his car, and left.)

    Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 2

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests

    (I answer the phone on a busy day.)

    Me: “Hello, [Bookstore]. How may I help you?

    Customer: “Hello. Can you tell me if [Competitor] has [Book]?”

    Me: “Er… well, I don’t know about [Competitor] but I can tell you that our store has it in stock.”

    Customer: “You’re downtown, aren’t you?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Well that won’t do. I’m not going downtown; I live much closer to [Competitor]. Find out if they have it!”

    (If she managed to find our phone number, how hard would it have been to find their number?!)

    Related:
    Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer

    Been Reading To Him Since Way Before He Was Born

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

    Customer: “Can you recommend a book for my son?”

    Me: “Sure, how old is he?”

    Customer: “Three.”

    Me: “Okay. What’s he into?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in five years.”

    Me: “Um, he’s three?”

    Customer: “That’s what I said.”

    Me: “But… you haven’t seen him in five years?”

    Customer: “Yeah, messy divorce. I just moved back to Seattle. I used to read him bedtime stories.”

    Me: “How old was he?”

    Customer: “You know, like a toddler.”

    Me: “I think you’re missing something. He was three when you left, but it’s five years later. Your son is eight now…”

    Found The ID But Lost The Plot

    | VA, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    (In college, I work at the bookstore. Students can use their ID cards to make purchases, and the charges would go on their bill with tuition, room and board, etc. If a student attempted to make a purchase with an ID that had been replaced, I would see an error message, and the student would need to use a different method of payment. This happens as I am finishing a transaction.)

    Me: “Your total is [total]. How would you like to pay?”

    Student: *hands me ID card*

    Me: *gets error message that the ID has been lost/stolen* “I’m sorry, but your ID card has been replaced. I need your new ID to process the sale.”

    Student: “No, no, no. This is the new ID. I just got it yesterday.”

    Me: “This can’t be the new ID because I’m getting an error message that this card has been reported lost or stolen. That message only comes up after you’ve replaced an ID.”

    Student: *puts both hands on counter and leans in* “Do you meant to tell me that I somehow managed to lose my original ID, get it replaced, lose the new ID, and then find my old ID without noticing?!”

    Me: “Um, yes?”

    Student: *agitated* “How is that even possible?!” *storms out*

    Today You Were Helped By Me, Myself, And I

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior

    (I am covering a break in the music department and help a middle-age woman find a CD. Immediately after that I head to the cafe to cover a break there as well, and the same customer comes through to get a drink.)

    Customer: “Didn’t I just see you?”

    Me: “Nah, that was my twin. We wear the same clothes.”

    Customer: “Well, you tell her she was very nice. She helped me find what I wanted.”

    Me: *to coworker, after customer leaves* “I’m gonna go to the registers now and see if I can convince her I’m triplets…”

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