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  • Whine Isn’t Gonna Get You Your Wine
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  • Weekend Roundup: You Drive Me Crazy

    Your Drive Me Crazy! This week, we share five stories of customers who drive employees nuts—and the brave workers who are driven to serve them just the same!

    1. Drive Hoo:
      Woohoo! Drive-thru customers can really drive you crazy!
    2. Preserving Life, 1-Up At A Time:
      Proof that Pokémon-players take “Gotta Catch ‘Em All” VERY seriously.
    3. Copycats…and Copy Dogs, Copy Sheep…:
      A customer wanting to clone his dog? Just another day at the bookstore!
    4. That Was Random:
      One coffee shop customer takes a random walk on the weird side.
    5. We Can Thank Hollywood And “Hacker” Films For This:
      Tech support can fix your hard drive, but not the car you drive!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

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    Who Needs Learnin’ When You Can Be Sun Burnin’, Part 2

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Children, Parents, Top

    (I am helping a mother and her teenage son go through his summer reading list to find a book that will meet his requirement. I usually do this by working with the kid to find one that they’re genuinely interested in reading, but in this case, the mother keeps interrupting.)

    Customer: “My god, look at how long all these books are!”

    Me: *to the son* “You said you like mysteries, right? And Then There Were None is on your son’s reading list. I think you’d like it.”

    Customer: *looking at the book* “It’s almost four hundred pages! How do you expect him to finish that thing?”

    Me: “Well, he does have the whole summer.”

    Customer: “Absolutely not! How can they expect him to read that much? It’s insane!”

    Customer’s Son: *reading the back cover* “Mom, this actually sounds really good. There are ten people on an island and they start dying one by one.”

    Customer: “Honey, you shouldn’t have to read that much. You’ll waste your whole summer! We want a book that’s under a hundred pages.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but none of these books are going to be under a hundred pages. I think the shortest one is about two hundred.”

    Customer: “This is so ridiculous. How can they do this to him? Let’s pick a book from that rack over there. Those look much more manageable.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that display is required reading for the local elementary school.”

    Customer: “I don’t care what it is. We’re picking from there.”

    Me: “None of those are on the reading list. Your son is going into tenth grade.”

    Customer: “Well, these look like the books I would want to read. If I ever wanted to read, that is.”

    Customer’s Son: “I think we should just get the one he recommended. It sounds awesome!”

    Customer: “Forget it. You know what? We’re gonna drive by the school so I can complain to the principal. It’s ridiculous for them to expect you to read during the summer! That’s crazy!”

    Related:
    Who Needs Learnin’ When You Can Be Sun Burnin’

    1 Thumbs (1,093 Thumbs Up!)

    Self Disservice, Part 2

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Children, Parents, Top

    (I work in the kids’ section of a bookstore that also sells toys and games. I notice that a child has caused the entire display to collapse. I find the mother after making sure the child didn’t hurt himself.)

    Me: “Hi, are you the mother?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “We ask that you look after your children while in [store name]. You need to be with the child and not in another section of the store if they cannot be trusted alone.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to.”

    Me: “…excuse me?”

    Customer: “I don’t want to look after my child.”

    Me: *confused* “Well I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s not my job to raise your child for you.”

    Customer: “But I want you to!”

    Related:
    Self Disservice

    1 Thumbs (1,097 Thumbs Up!)

    All Sold Out Of Death Notes

    | Auckland, New Zealand | Crazy Requests

    (The bookstore is located in the center of town, so we often have peculiar occurrences.)

    Me: “Hi there, sir. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a card.”

    Me: “Our card section is right this way. What occasion did you need the card for?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a card for my enemy.”

    Me: “Um, okay—”

    Customer: “I want it to say ‘DIE, BASTARD, DIE!’”

    Me: “I’m…afraid we don’t actually have any cards to fit your needs. Your best bet is to try down the road at [competitor's] store.”

    1 Thumbs (730 Thumbs Up!)

    Employees Go Through H*** Every Day

    | Sault Ste. Marie, MI, USA |

    (A customer is looking through a book debunking apocalypse scares.)

    Customer: “Wait, what do they mean the apocalypse hasn’t happened yet?!”

    1 Thumbs (598 Thumbs Up!)

    Sure Thing, Sweet Cheeks

    (We have international newspapers that we keep behind us at the till. Also, I’m female. I’ve just finished ringing up some British newspapers for a customer.)

    Me: “Have a brilliant day.”

    Customer: “Can I take a look at your rack?”

    (This not only catches me off guard, but all the staff and customers within earshot, who turn and look at us.)

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “I just want to see what else you’ve got to offer.”

    (Everybody is still staring.)

    Customer: *realizing what he’s said* “Oh! Your newspaper rack.”

    1 Thumbs (1,269 Thumbs Up!)

    Weekend Roundup: Time Travel

    , , | Not Always Right | Roundups

    Time Travel! This week, we show it’s only a matter of “time” before you run into customers with no grasp of time—past, present, or future!

    1. Someone’s About To Get Smacked To The Future:
      An unsuspecting wife gets sent out by a husband on a fool’s errand to look for a flux capacitor—in a flying DeLorean, no doubt.
    2. A Tale Of Time Traveling Tune-Ups:
      The customer is always right, even if it means ripping a hole in the space-time continuum.
    3. Doctor Sue:
      Look, man, we all wish your replica TARDIS actually flew through time, but unless you’re a Time Lord with a chameleon circuit, you’re barking up the wrong police box.
    4. Eastern Standard Time Travelers:
      Getting time zones mixed up with time travel? No big deal, although teleporting New York City three hours into the future would be kinda cool.
    5. Please See The “Time Travel” Section:
      This dinosaur-craving bookstore customer has been watching a little bit too much Jurassic Park!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    1 Thumbs (23 Thumbs Up!)

    Rushing: It’s All Relative

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout

    (Our company has a free membership cards, where people can collect points on their purchases that build towards discounts. Cashiers are required to ask all of our customers if they have a card.)

    Me: “Do you have one of our membership cards?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “All right, would you like to sign up for one today? They’re free, and they’ll eventually save you some money.”

    Customer: “No, no! I’m in a rush, so, never mind.”

    Me: “All right, your total is [total]”

    (The customer pays, but is no longer paying attention to me. Instead, she’s talking to her boyfriend, looking annoyed, and is visibly waving around one of our membership cards.)

    Customer’s Boyfriend: “You know that’s one of their cards, right?”

    Customer: “Is it? Oh, well is it too late to get my points?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, the transaction has already gone through, so yes it is. You can come in when you have some more time and I can do a point adjustment. I just have to refund and resell you your purchase.”

    Customer: “Well, can you do it now? We’re not in a rush…”

    1 Thumbs (850 Thumbs Up!)
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