I am a manager making my way between departments in our department store. A customer stops me and pulls me aside.

Customer: “Could you please tell me why you’re allowing [N-words] to be parading around the store with their pants down?”

Me: “Sir, your word choice is beyond unacceptable.”

Customer: “Calm down! I wasn’t saying it to them! But aren’t you going to do anything? We can all see their underwear!” 

Me: “I’m not the customer dress code police, and I don’t intend to start being one.”

Old Man: “Why do you hate your own race?”

Well, that came out of nowhere! I stare directly at the customer and make intense eye contact.

Me: “No, it’s race-ists. I hate racists!”

Old Man: *Pauses* “This whole country is becoming a joke!” *Power-walks away*

Customer: “I want you to make my coffee for me.” 

Me: “I’m just taking the orders for today, sir.”

Customer: “No. I want you to make it. I don’t trust those other guys. I was in Afghanistan, and I don’t trust Arabs to make my coffee.”

I try to ignore how wrong all of that was.

Me: “Well, they all make a decent cup of coffee, sir, I assure you.”

Customer: “Fine… but you’d better be making them tomorrow.”

Me: *Just trying to move this along* “I will try, sir.”

Customer: “It’s so bad in America these days. They’re everywhere. I saw online yesterday that they started teaching Arabic numbers in schools! That’s crazy!”

I’m selling art by local artists, and one of my larger pieces is an interpretation of Adam and Eve. I grew up in a very strict religious household and was able to escape that particular religion. As a result, my Bible knowledge is quite strong. Also, as the owner of my own market stall, I can be honest with customers who irk me.

Customer: “Why are they Black?” 

Me: “Because the artist chose to interpret them as Black. But to be fair, it’s a pretty fair interpretation considering where most events in the Bible took place.”

Customer: “But that’s blasphemous! Adam and Eve weren’t Black!” 

Me: “What were they, then?”

Customer: “Well…”

Me: “You think they were white?”

Customer: “All the pictures I’ve seen of them they’re white!”

Me: “You mean paintings? As in artist interpretations? Like this one?”

Customer: “But they weren’t African!”

Me: “They weren’t European, either. And it’s the general consensus that all of humanity originated from Africa anyway.” 

Customer: “You mean that evolution bulls***? No. I’m gonna stick with the Holy Bible on this.”

Me: “So, you’re going with the Garden of Eden? Which was located near the Tigris and Euphrates River? So, the Middle East? Yes, lots of white people from there.”

Customer: “I thought you were trying to sell this painting?” 

Me: “Were you ever going to buy it?”

Customer: “Adam and Eve weren’t Black!” *Storms off* 

The painting was eventually sold to a church for their Sunday school! I hope that the next generation of Christians does better.

Via the cameras, I spot a customer taking a pair of sunglasses and sneaking them into their handbag. I wait at the checkouts to give them the benefit of the doubt, but sadly, they walk straight through without paying.

Me: “Ma’am, can I see what you have in your bag, please?”

Customer: “I have social anxiety!”

Me: “I understand. I just need to quickly look in your bag.”

Customer: “No! Your behavior is very triggering for me right now! You’re bringing up a lot of trauma!”

Me: “That’s not my intention, ma’am. I just need to quickly look in your bag.” 

Customer: “Why are you targeting me? Is it because I’m neurodivergent? Oh, my God, are you being ableist right now? So sad. You should do better.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am not trying to do anything else — literally anything else — other than look in your bag.” 

Customer: “Don’t call me ‘ma’am’! I’m non-binary! That’s offensive! Your language is very triggering!”

Me: “I apologize. But I still need to check your bag.” 

Customer: “But why?”

Me: “To be perfectly honest, because our camera caught you putting a pair of unpaid-for sunglasses into your bag, and I need to confiscate them.”

Customer: “Oh, my God! You were watching me?! Are you a creep? Is [Store] run by perverts?!”

Me: “Ma’am, please, just—”

Customer: “I’m non-binary!“

Me: “…Please just return the sunglasses. You’re lucky I am not calling the police and that I am simply asking for them back. Give them back, and we can both just walk away from this conversation.”

Customer: “You want to call the police?! You want them to shoot me?! I’m one-sixteenth Native, and they shoot people like me! Why are you being so racist?!”

Me: “Okay, I am done with you.” 

I motioned the security guys over, who kept them cornered until the police arrived. The police managed to get them to take the stolen sunglasses out of their bag — after the same run-around of social anxiety, trauma, ableism accusations, misgendering accusations, pervert accusations, and finally, racism accusations, in the exact same order. And then, the police escorted them out, not because they had stolen from us, but because we could all smell the alcohol on them and they had driven here.

I am helping some customers buy some local items. They are on vacation and have European accents, although I can’t place the exact country. They seem to have an American with them.

Me: “If you don’t mind me asking, where are you all from?”

Foreign Customer: “Denmark.” 

Local Customer: “They’re my cousins, visiting for the week.”

Me: “Oh, that’s awesome! I’ve seen pictures, and it looks beautiful.”

Foreign Customer: “Yes, it does have some pretty places. How much is this one?”

Me: “That’s [price] plus tax.”

Local Customer: “So, that’s about [full price].”

Customer: “Oh, yes, I forget that the tax isn’t included in the price.”

I’m about to make a light joke about differences between our countries when another customer who was listening in speaks up.

Other Customer: “That’s because your communist countries don’t do tax, because the state owns everything!” 

Customer: “Uh, that’s not true at all. Denmark is socialist, and we certainly do pay tax!” 

Other Customer: “Socialist! Terrible! I’m glad you managed to escape over to America. You guys are the okay ones. It’s the ones from Mexico we need to kick out!”

And with that, the customer wanders off as if they didn’t just string together a bunch of super insulting things one after the other. The poor group of Danes are looking at me with a look of bewilderment.

Local Customer: “Welcome to America, where a large part of the population uses the word ‘socialist’ to describe everything politically left of hunting the homeless for sport.”

Related:
Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 6
Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 5
Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 4
Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 3
Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 2