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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Providing Unique Lip Service

    | Longmont, CO, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    (I work at a large store that sells nothing but beauty items for women.)

    Customer: “I have a very weird question for you.”

    Me: “Yay! Those are my favorite kind of questions!”

    Customer: “I need very small, very sharp scissors.”

    Me: “Well, that’s not weird at all. Let me show you where our cuticle and nail scissors are; that’s exactly what you’re looking for.”

    Customer: “I haven’t told you what I need them for. I need to cut the lips off my fish.”

    (I stop dead in my tracks, thinking I couldn’t possibly have heard her correctly. I give her a puzzled look.)

    Customer: “That’s right. I need tiny scissors to cut the lips off my fish.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “I have an Angel fish with a large pucker, and she’s my pride and joy. She developed a cancerous growth on her lips. The vet wants an outrageous amount of money to remove it. He said if I wanted, and was brave enough, I could cut off her lips myself.”

    (I try to keep my composure, relay my sympathy, and show her the selection of tiny scissors. She makes her decision, and I take her to the register.)

    Me: “I wish you luck with your fish!”

    Customer: “Thank you, I need it. By the way, do you happen to know a close-by liquor store? I don’t usually drink, but I may need a glass of wine before my adventure!”

    (Luckily there was a liquor store nearby. I thanked her for asking the weirdest question I have ever heard in my many years in retail. She laughed and said no one was going to believe me. I hope her fish is okay!)

    She Let It Get To Her Head

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (A customer comes to the counter with an expensive hair treatment.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, this appears to be used. Do you have any others?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We just finished putting our stock away. If that was the last one on the shelf, then it’s the last one we have.”

    Customer: “Well, I suppose I’ll get it anyway. I’ve never tried it before, but I pumped some out and it does feel very nice.”

    Me: “Ma’am, were you the one that opened and used it?”

    Customer: “Yes, but I had to see what it was like before I spent all this money on it! Now, are you sure there aren’t any more in the back? I really don’t want to buy something that’s been used!”

    Intelligence May Vary

    | Lancaster, PA, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “How much are the belly-button rings?”

    Me: “The prices vary depending on the style. I’d have to check if you’re interested in a specific one.”

    (The girl walks over to her mom in an aisle within earshot.)

    Mom: “How much are they?”

    Customer: “She said they vary.”

    Mom: “What is that supposed to mean? That I can’t afford them?!”