Me: “Thank you for calling [hair salon]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Do you do haircuts?”

Me: “Yes, sir. We are a hair salon. We do haircuts.”

Customer: “How much does it cost?”

Me: “It depends on the style you want it cut into. It’s usually about [price] or so.”

Customer: “Do I get a discount if I let you keep my hair when it’s done?”

(A customer is getting a beauty treatment done and is trying to work out why she has skin problems.)

Customer: “I just don’t understand it. I take really good care
of my skin. I get facials and I only use really good make-up.”

Me: “Well, the problem could be caused by something really simple, like an allergic reaction. Have you always used the same brand of make-up?”

Customer: “Yes, and I only use the best! I can’t be allergic, I don’t ever use the cheap stuff!”

Me: “It’s probably something else then. What do you use to remove your make-up?”

Customer: “Like…what?”

Me: “When you take off your make up at night, what do you use?”

Customer: *silence*

Me: “Do you use a cleanser or soap and water?”

Customer: “I don’t take it off. Are you supposed to?”

Me: “Well, yes. Make-up can cause damage to your pores if you wear it constantly. Why don’t you take it off?”

Customer: “In case I have to answer my door when I’m asleep.”

Me: “In your sleep?”

Customer: “Don’t judge my social life! You probably don’t have many friends!”

(I work in a very environmentally conscious salon. We provide mugs for people to use for their coffee so that no garbage is created.)

Me: “Hi! My name is ***. I’m going to be cutting your hair today. Tell me what you would like to–”

Customer: “Do you have a styrofoam cup?”

Me: “We have mugs right here. would you like some coffee?”

Customer: “Are you crazy? I can’t use a public mug, I’m a doctor! Do you even know what kind of germs are on those mugs?!”

Me: “I assure you that the mugs are perfectly clean. Also, we don’t believe in using styrofoam because it is bad for the environment.”

Customer: “Are you for real? You don’t have a styrofoam cup anywhere in this whole place?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure.”

(I get her away from the coffee discussion and start cutting her hair and making small talk.)

Me: “So, what kind of doctor are you?”

Customer: “A psychiatrist.”

Me: “Hi, welcome to [nail salon]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, we had an appointment for four mani/pedis.”

Me: “Okay, can I get your name? And how old are these three?”

Customer: “Why do you need to know how old they are?”

Me: “If they’re under 12, they get Princess mani/pedis which are ten dollars less.”

Customer: “No. I want them to have real mani/pedis.”

(I try to explain twice more that there is no difference besides the price. She starts to yell, causing a scene and bothering other customers.)

Customer: “You’re trying to give them bad service! I want them to have good nails!”

Me: “I understand, and they will. Princess treatments are only less because their nails are smaller so they don’t take as–”

Customer: “I want them to have REAL mani/pedis! You’re trying to give them half-a**ed service!”

Me: “Ma’am, the only difference is the price. Do you want to pay $156 or $129?”

Customer: “…Well in that case, yes. They’re all under 12.”