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    No Sting In This Tale, Part 2

    | FL, USA |

    Beach Patron: “Excuse me, are these blue jelly things on the beach dangerous?”

    Me: “Yes sir, they are in fact Portuguese Man-o-War. They are extremely painful and can still sting you while on land.”

    Beach Patron: “They can’t walk, can they?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Beach Patron: “Meaning they can’t walk on land and chase you?”

    Me: “No sir, they only live in water.”

    Beach Patron: “I feel much safer. Thank you.”

    No Sting In This Tale

    Repetition Is The Mother Of Stupidity

    | Cornwall, UK |

    (I am serving ice cream on the beach.)

    Me: “Hello, what would you like?”

    Customer: “Have you got any icecream icecream?”

    Me: “No, but we do have icecream icecream icecream.”

    Customer: “Oh, really? That’s exactly what I was looking for!”

    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 3
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 2
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition

    Life’s A Beach

    | Australia | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (Note: I work as a lifeguard at a beach.)

    Beachgoer: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. How can I help you?”

    Beachgoer: “I just got cut by a rock in the beach.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Would you like to make a trip to first aid?”

    Beachgoer: “No, I would like to complain.”

    Me: “About what?”

    Beachgoer: “You work at the beach, right? You should make sure the sea is safe enough to swim in!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t actually–”

    Beachgoer: “Nonsense! You should make sure there are no rocks! I want to talk to your manager!”

    (I call up my supervisor.)

    Supervisor: “Yes, what seems to be the problem?”

    Beachgoer: “I want to complain about your staff.”

    Supervisor: “Yes, what did they do?”

    Beachgoer: “She told me she can’t clean the sea of rocks. What if I get another injury?”

    Supervisor: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s not her fault that there are rocks in the sea. If you want, we can treat your cut in first aid?”

    Beachgoer: “What kind of idiots are you? I want this beach cleaned! I am going to get the government on you! And I don’t want any stupid first aid! I am going to get you both arrested for my injury!”

    (She storms off, but not before showing both of us a tiny scratch on her foot. The government never called.)

    Today, We Are All From Toronto

    | Cape Cod, MA, USA |

    (The parking lot is full at a popular beach and the area is residential, so I have the job of turning cars away.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the lot is full and you’re blocking traffic so you’ll have to move your car.”

    Customer: “But we are from Toronto!”

    Me: “Um…I’m glad you drove all this way, but the lot is full. Maybe you can get some lunch and check back in a half hour?”

    Customer: “But we are from Toronto.”

    Me: “I know, I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do, I have to keep this road clear.”

    Customer: “Have you ever been to Toronto?”

    Me: “No. But please, sir, you have to move. Perhaps you can drop your family off and rejoin them later when we have spaces.”

    Customer: *angrily* “We are going back to Toronto!”

    Nature: Not OSHA Compliant

    | New Jersey, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me…how deep is the water?”

    Me: “Um…you mean the ocean?”

    Customer: “Yes. How deep is it?”

    Me: “I’m not quite sure what you mean.”

    Customer: “HOW DEEP IS THE WATER?!”

    Me: “It’s the ocean, ma’am.”

    Customer: “OK, well, how deep is the deepest part?”

    Me: “Very, very deep.”

    Customer: “Can I touch the bottom?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “That’s not safe.”

    Me: “It’s much shallower near the shore. It gets deeper the farther out you go.”

    Customer: “That is definitely not safe. You should fix that.”

    Me: “I’ll tell my boss.”

    Customer: “Thanks.” *walks away*