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    Complimentary Vs. Complimentary

    | Brighton, UK | Food & Drink, Money

    (Having just eaten a generous serving of risotto, a customer waves me over, pointing to his empty plate.)

    Me: “Hi there. Everything alright with your meal?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I’m still hungry. I’d like some more.”

    Me: “There are dessert menus on the tables and specials on the board—”

    Customer: “No. I want more of this.”

    Me: “Sure. Another risotto will be £6.95, please.”

    Customer: “I don’t want to PAY! I just want some more. You should take it as a compliment!”

    Stupid And/Or/With Wrong

    | Tasmania, Australia | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Can I have a champagne and lemonade?”

    Me: “So, that’s a champagne with lemonade in it?”

    Customer: *annoyed* “Yes, yes!”

    Me: “Here you go.”

    Customer: “What the h*** is this?”

    Me: “Champagne and lemonade.”

    Customer: *looks at me as if I’m crazy* “Ew, who would want that? I wanted a champagne AND a lemonade!”

    Me: *sigh*

    A Shot In The Dark

    | New York, NY, USA | Food & Drink

    (We have a Foursquare check-in special for a free shot. A customer comes up showing that he has unlocked the special.)

    Me: “Could I see some ID?”

    (I check his ID and he’s a few months short of being 21.)

    Me: “Sorry, but you’re not 21, so you’re not getting a shot.”

    Customer: “But it says ‘free shot’ right here.”

    Me: “But, you’re not 21. You can’t get a shot.”

    Customer: “What is the mystery shot anyway? Could I get a virgin version?”

    Me: “Not really possible.”

    Customer: “I checked in. It says I’m eligible for a shot and a shot I shall have!”

    Me: “Well, a shot is, what, like an ounce? You want an ounce of Coke?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes, that’ll be lovely.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I take a shot glass and manage to fill it with Coke, despite the pressure of the soda gun making almost all of it spill out.)

    Me: “Here you go.”

    Customer: “Thank you!” *walks away happily with his ounce of Coke*

    You Have The Right To Remain Drunk

    | Nebraska, USA | Liars & Scammers

    (It’s the end of the night and I’m standing at the front door to make sure no one takes their drinks out of the building, which is illegal in Nebraska. I stop one gentleman on his way out with a beer.)

    Me: “Sorry, sir. You can’t step out with that.”

    Customer: “I think I can.”

    Me: “No, sir, you really can’t.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah?”

    (He pulls out his wallet and shows me a crude fabric badge sewn on to it.)

    Customer: “You’d better let me go and give me my beer before you get your a** in trouble.”

    Me: “So, you’re going to throw me in jail for keeping you from breaking the law?”

    Customer: *belches loudly, vomits a bit on his shirt, and leaves empty handed*

    As Long As Every Lady Is A Queen

    | California, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Top

    (I work at a gay male bar as a bouncer. I normally escort or throw out guys due to inappropriate behavior. One day, however, the manager calls me over to throw out a woman. Afterwards, I ask the manager what happened.)

    Me: “What was that about?”

    Manager: “She kept on insisting to meet me to implement a suggestion for the bar.”

    Me: “Oh…so why did you have me kick her out?”

    Manager: “She was insistent, and got more and more agitated when I told her we’d never do that.”

    Me: “And what was her suggestion?”

    Manager: “She said we should have Ladies Night so that more men would come here.”

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