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    Whiskey Unwise And Brand Foolish

    | Porto, Portugal | Food & Drink

    Patron: “Good evening! I’ll have a whiskey cola.”

    (I serve him a generic whiskey with cola.)

    Me: “Here you go! That will be [amount].”

    Patron: “Hey, that wasn’t [whiskey label]! I want [whiskey label] with cola.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but since most of our customers don’t ask for any special brand labeled whiskey, we serve a generic brand to save on costs. If you want a special labeled whiskey, you just have to ask for it. The price is the same. I’ll get you your [whiskey label) for free, but please be sure to ask it by name the next time.”

    (15 minutes later, the same patron approaches the bar.)

    Patron: “F***! Serve me your cheaper whiskey! This s*** tastes all the same to me. You guys are okay!”

    One Bloody Scary On The Shocks

    | Sydney, Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I am working at the bar on a particularly busy night and I don’t realise that I have cut one of my fingers. As I hand a customer his drink, I notice a bit of blood on the glass.)

    Me: “Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I must have cut myself. Let me remake that for you!”

    Customer: “Don’t worry, it’s fine.”

    Me: “No, I cut myself and there’s a bit of blood on that glass. Please, let me give you a new one.”

    (Before I can take the glass back, the customer picks it up.)

    Customer: “I like it this way. Don’t worry!”

    Me: “But—”

    (The customer turns the glass around and drinks from the side with my blood.)

    Customer: *grinning* “Mmmm, delicious! Thanks!”

    Me: *horrified*

    That’s The Way He Bypassed The Brady Punch

    | Brampton, ON, Canada | Rude & Risque, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m out for the evening with my younger sister. We’re just having a few drinks at a bar that’s close by. I’m 6’2″, 275 lbs, and my sister is 5’9, 180 lbs.)

    Drunk Guy: *to my sister* “You know you’ve got really nice tits. You know that, right?”

    Me: “Excuse you?”

    Drunk Guy: “No, really! She’s got a fantastic rack!”

    Me: “Buddy, back off. Go bother someone else.”

    Drunk Guy: “What’re you going to do about it? What are you, her boyfriend or some s*** like that?”

    (At this point, a bouncer walks up behind him. He knows our family as patrons of this bar.)

    Bouncer: *to the drunk guy* “First of all, I’m going to eject you from this place, by your will or otherwise. Secondly, I’m going to let this big guy here beat the snot out of you and that’s AFTER his sister kicks your A**, and I’m more scared of her than I am of him. Thirdly, that big guy right there is one of the most scary people that I’ve ever met, especially when protecting family.”

    Drunk Guy: *nods very quickly and shuffles out of the bar*

    Me: “Thanks.”

    Bouncer: “Nobody messes with this MOTHERF***ING family!” *walks off*

    Complimentary Vs. Complimentary

    | Brighton, UK | Food & Drink, Money

    (Having just eaten a generous serving of risotto, a customer waves me over, pointing to his empty plate.)

    Me: “Hi there. Everything alright with your meal?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I’m still hungry. I’d like some more.”

    Me: “There are dessert menus on the tables and specials on the board—”

    Customer: “No. I want more of this.”

    Me: “Sure. Another risotto will be £6.95, please.”

    Customer: “I don’t want to PAY! I just want some more. You should take it as a compliment!”

    Stupid And/Or/With Wrong

    | Tasmania, Australia | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Can I have a champagne and lemonade?”

    Me: “So, that’s a champagne with lemonade in it?”

    Customer: *annoyed* “Yes, yes!”

    Me: “Here you go.”

    Customer: “What the h*** is this?”

    Me: “Champagne and lemonade.”

    Customer: *looks at me as if I’m crazy* “Ew, who would want that? I wanted a champagne AND a lemonade!”

    Me: *sigh*


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