Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Retort Against Those Who Extort
    (1,683 thumbs up)
  • September Theme Of The Month: Return Of The Geeks!
    Submit your story today!

    Trouble Brewing, Part 4

    | Erie, PA, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (We have a special offer on small 10oz draft beers from 8-11pm. A customer approaches the bar around midnight, which is when most other local bar specials end.)

    Me: “Hi there! What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Let me get two double drafts.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, double drafts? Unfortunately, our drafts only come in the 16oz size.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll just have two [popular domestic brand] drafts, then.”

    Me: “Okay! That will be $5, please.”

    Customer: “How are they $5?!”

    Me: “Because they’re $2.50 apiece.”

    Customer: “Why aren’t they $0.25 apiece?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; that was our special from earlier this evening. The special runs from 8-11, only pertains to [unpopular and extremely-cheap beer], and they are served in the small 8oz mason jars. I explained that our regular drafts only come in the 16oz size, and you asked for [brand] which isn’t part of the special.”

    Customer: “Well, why the f*** didn’t you tell me that these weren’t on special when I ordered my first beers of the evening!?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; were you misinformed on your previous round?”

    Customer: “No, this is my first round. It is your job as a bartender to inform me of the specials when I order. I would know; I manage [one of nearby town's college bars]!”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the confusion, but as it was after the special had ended, and it is after other bars’ specials had ended, I don’t normally tell customers about specials that they can’t have.”

    Customer: “This is f****** ridiculous! You can’t do your d*** job properly! I am NOT paying $5 for these two beers! If you were my employee at [other bar], I would fire you!”

    (I have been nothing but sweet and empathetic up until this point. Unfortunately for this kid, I have had quite enough.)

    Me: “That’s interesting, because I always assumed that if I were to work at [other bar], I would be under the supervision of [manager’s name], who has been a friend of mine for years. Anyone in this industry, if they even want the special, knows enough to ask if the special is still running, and what is included in the special. If you were truly the manager of a bar, or have ever bartended a day in your life, then you certainly should know that the manner in which you are speaking to me is in no way appropriate or acceptable. Now, would you like your two drafts for $5, or not?”

    Customer: “I… I… THIS ISN’T FAIR!”

    (My manager, who has been standing nearby and has heard everything, walks up.)

    Manager: “Listen, kid. You’ve not only been rude to my bartender, but she’s also proved that you’re a liar. The fact that she hasn’t had you removed for your behavior is a testament to her extreme patience and upbeat personality. Now, pay for your beers, or go back to [nearby town] and practice your ‘managerial skills’!”

    Customer: *slinks away*

    Related:
    Trouble Brewing, Part 3
    Trouble Brewing, Part 2

    He Said Water But With No Proof

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Can I have a Cranberry Vodka?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I make the drink by pouring the vodka in first and then adding cranberry juice. Pretty simple.)

    Customer: “Why did you put all that water in my drink?”

    Me: “Water?”

    Customer: “Yeah, the clear liquid you poured in the cup.”

    Me: “That’s the vodka.”

    Customer: “Oh, this is gonna be a long night…”

    How Artists Draw Blank Faces

    | London, England, UK | Bizarre

    (I am waitressing at a wedding party being held above a bar in an art gallery. I have popped down to the bar to use their dishwasher. There are lots of contemporary art displays around the bar.)

    Customer: “Hi, could I get a pint of Carling?”

    Me: “Oh sorry, I don’t actually work here. You’ll have to ask someone else.”

    Customer: “But you’re wearing uniform?”

    (My uniform is not even slightly similar to the bar staff’s.)

    Me: “Oh, that’s because I’m a waitress; I’m from upstairs.”

    Customer: “Oh right, I thought you might be another art display. Okay, bye…”

    Better Make It A Double

    | Ipswich, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top, Underaged

    (I am working in a pub, and my sister, my identical twin, has come in to say hello during a busy period. She has queued, and I have served her an alcoholic drink. I am just handing it over when this conversation starts.)

    Customer: “You didn’t check the ID of this girl. She doesn’t look old enough to drink. I demand you check her ID!”

    Me: “I am sorry, sir, but I can assure you that she is old enough to drink.”

    Customer: “She is only about 12! She is nowhere old enough to drink. I will call the police if you do not check her ID!”

    Me: “Sir, she is old enough to drink. She is my sister, and I can assure you that she is 20 years old.”

    Customer: “If you won’t check her ID, I am going to call the police!”

    (The customer takes his phone out and makes a show of dialing. My sister looks embarrassed, but pays for her drink, shows me her driving license as she does look young, and takes a seat at the bar.)

    Me: “See? My sister is old enough to drink.”

    Customer: “No! You’re breaking the law!” *to everyone around us* “She’s breaking the law!”

    (Hearing the commotion, security comes.)

    Security: “What is the trouble, sir?”

    Customer: “That girl has served a drink to an underage customer! She used a fake ID; I saw her!”

    Security: “Sir, can’t you see the resemblance? The girl serving you is the identical twin of this customer. If she is old enough to serve you drinks, her twin is old enough to drink, too.”

    Customer: *muttering* “Well… she doesn’t look as old as she does!” *leaves*

    When Toxic Personalities Become Intoxicated

    | Nashville, TN, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, School, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am bartending at a neighborhood dive that caters mostly to a set of regulars who were minimum wage or blue collar workers, but occasionally some of the kids from an expensive nearby university would wander in. I am talking to a female regular at the bar who happens to be seated next to a young guy from the college.)

    Me: “Hey, did you check out that show I told you about?”

    Regular: “Yeah, thanks, it was really funny!”

    (We are discussing episodes, when a college kid joins in.)

    College Guy: “Hey, I love that show! What season are you up to?”

    (For a few minutes, we all engage in friendly conversation until, suddenly, a spoiled and VERY intoxicated college girl in a miniskirt and six-inch heels proceeds to shove my female regular in the back.)

    College Girl: “Hey, b****!”

    Regular: *calmly turns on her barstool to look at the girl*

    College Girl: “Quit talking to my boyfriend, you stupid w****!”

    Regular: “Miss, we were just having a polite conversation.”

    College Girl: “You think you can steal my boyfriend, you ugly b****?” *she shoves the regular’s shoulder for emphasis* “Stupid f***ing s***! You wanna try and steal my boyfriend?”

    Regular: “Miss, I’m afraid you’ve misunderstood. I have a boyfriend of my own.” *untucks a set of dog-tags from her shirt as proof* “I wasn’t hitting on your boyfriend; we were just having a nice chat. Please calm down.”

    College Girl: “You think you can just hit on my boyfriend, you f***ing s***? F*** you, you fat ugly b****!”

    (She shoves the regular again, and by now I am furiously trying to flag down the bouncer. The bar has gone quiet, and the girls’ friends have nervously gathered behind her to watch the spectacle.)

    Regular: “Miss, please do not touch me again.”

    College Girl: “You wanna start something, b****? You wanna start something with me? Come on, you stupid w****!”

    (Another shove, and this time the regular stands from her stool.)

    Regular: “Miss, I’ve asked you nicely, but now I’m telling you. Do. Not. Touch. Me. Again.”

    College Girl: “Let’s go, w****! I’ll f*** you up!”

    (Mid-sentence, she tries to shove my regular again, but this time the regular catches the college girl’s arm and delivers a powerful right cross to her face, knocking her out cold. The regular watches the drunk college girl drop to the floor like a sack of potatoes, then sits back down on her barstool and turns back to the bar. The college girl’s friends proceed to pick the woozy girl up off the ground in time for bouncer to escort them all to the parking lot.)

    Regular: *to the bouncer* “Me, too?”

    Bouncer: “H***, no! I saw the whole thing, girl! You sit your a** back on that stool and order a beer on me.”

    (The regular and I exchange smiles as I pull her usual up from the cooler. It’s at this point that we both notice that the college guy who was the cause of the whole mess looking at the regular with his jaw on the floor.)

    Regular: “Hey, man, sorry about your girlfriend, but I did warn her.”

    College Guy: “Okay, let me stop you right there. That was not my girlfriend. I had never even met that girl before tonight. I have no idea what the h*** she was talking about. And that was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. So the bouncer can get the next round, but that one’s on me.”

    (One of the girl’s friends ended up coming back in and apologizing for her pal’s erratic behavior, and offered to buy a round for my regular, too. After that night, every regular in the place usually bought one for ‘One-Punch’ whenever she came in, until she moved away to marry her soldier boyfriend!)

    Page 6/16First...45678...Last