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    Fight For Your Right

    | Birmingham, England, UK | Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m making a movie with a few friends for my college course. We decide to make a bar room brawl scene. We are in my local pub early one morning whilst they’re closed, and have just finished kitting the room out with glasses, stools, and pool cues that will break easy and not hurt. We have just switched the cameras, and are about to start when a man stumbles in, obviously still drunk.)

    Drunk: “I want a beer.”

    Me: “Sorry mate, this bar is closed.”

    Drunk: “Then why they all drinking?!”

    (The drunk indicates to my friends, as I’m behind the bar.)

    Me: “We are making a movie right now. Go home and sober up a bit.”

    Drunk: “No, I want a f****** beer, and you’re gonna serve me!”

    My Friend: *winking* “Just give him a beer mate; he isn’t hurting anyone.”

    Me: *catching on* “Don’t you start. You have had enough as well!”

    My Friend: “Eat wood!”

    (My friend picks up a stool and swings it at my head. Suddenly, we all start our fight scene around the drunk. After a few minutes, when everything is broken, and we’ve all been ‘knocked out,’ I leap over the bar and grab a cricket bat, break it, and aim it at the drunk.)

    Me: “Still want that drink, fella?”

    Drunk: “I don’t want no trouble!” *backs out and staggers out of the bar quickly*

    Drink To A Fine Resolution

    | Stockholm, Sweden | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work as a bartender at a high end restaurant. I am currently working the bar alone with over 90 guests.)

    Customer: “Excuse me; I’d like to order!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I will be with you in a minute.”

    (The customer is obviously annoyed, but I have to continue. After about 30 seconds, he throws his debit card at me just as I pass him. I stop, pick it up, look at it, and throw it in the garbage bin behind me. I then continue to take orders.)

    Customer: “What the—did you just—”

    (I don’t say anything. I don’t even look at the customer as I finish pouring every one else their drinks. When he is the last one, I pick up the card from the bin and look him straight in the eyes.)

    Me: “Sir, I have three things to tell you. One, that was, by far, the rudest I have EVER been treated by a customer. Second, if I ever catch you doing that, I will talk to my boss and he will sort it out; he hates it when people are rude to his staff. And finally, if you had paid attention to how everyone else ‘paid’ you would know that it is an open bar, and your card does nothing.”

    Customer: *bright red* “I am so so sorry; I truly am. I think that I have had enough to drink tonight. I will take a glass of water.”

    (I smile, give him his water, and he gives me a tip.)

    Customer: “I know that this does not cover how bad I treated you. I am sorry.”

    (The same customer comes back a couple of weeks later, and he is still the best tipper I serve!)

    A Spirited Response

    | Medicine Hat, AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I am working as a manager/bartender at a local club. It’s fairly slow, and a clearly drunk regular approaches to order.)

    Customer: “I’ll get a tall ‘Paralyzer.’”

    Me: “Sure thing! That will be $5.75.”

    (I proceed to make the drink, take his payment, and continue doing my job. A few minutes later, he returns to the bar with the empty cup.)

    Customer: “There was no alcohol in this! Make me another one on the house, you b****!”

    Me: “Excuse me? You watched me make it, and drank it all. If you came back after a sip, maybe, but not when it’s empty, dude.”

    (The customer’s intoxicated female friend approaches next to him.)

    Friend: “You’re full of it. I was the manager here a month ago; you’re new and stupid. You tried to rip him off, so make a new one! F****** stupid w****!”

    Me: “Listen up. One, you’re full of it. I’m the manager, and have been for the last year. You’ve never worked here. Second, I know for a fact you do nails for a living. If I had them done, ripped them off, and then said you didn’t do them, would you do them again for free? No. There was alcohol in that drink. Third, call me a f****** name again, and I’ll have you out of here so fast, your four-size-too-small miniskirt might actually squeeze away from your hippo thighs. Now, can I get you anything else, or are you good?”

    (The owner laughs so hard, she has to run to the bathroom. The customer’s friend ends up with a DUI that night. Talk about Karma!)

    Punch, Drunk, And Love

    | USA | Food & Drink, Love/Romance, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m sitting at a bar when a drunk man approaches a regular female customer, who has been quietly chatting with the also-female bartender.)

    Drunk Customer: “Hey, honey, let me buy you a drink.”

    Female Regular: *not even turning around* “No thanks. Already have one, and just so you know, I’m married.”

    Drunk Customer: “S***, b****, I’m just offering a beer.”

    Female Regular: “And I’m politely declining. Please leave me alone.”

    Drunk Customer: “I bet I could f****** beat the s*** out of your man!”

    Female Regular: *smiling slightly* “Most likely.”

    (The male customer sitting next to her, who has been quietly eating his food, and seemingly not involved in the situation at all, laughs.)

    Male Customer: “Gee, thanks, babe.”

    (The drunk man scoffs at the male customer, who is at least five inches shorter and, while fit, not remotely as muscular as the drunk.)

    Drunk Customer: “You’re this b****’s man?”

    Male Customer: “I’m this woman’s husband, yes.”

    Drunk Customer: “S***, I could pummel you in seconds! She should ditch your sorry a**, and I’ll show her what a real man is like!”

    Male Customer: “You could probably beat me up, but that’s not the problem. My wife asked you to leave. Please do so before you get hurt.”

    Drunk Customer: “F*** you, what are you gonna do about it?!”

    (The drunk customer grabs the male customer’s shoulder, and tries to punch him. Before he can, the female regular turns on her bar stool, twists the drunk’s hand away, and punches him so hard in the face that he drops to the floor.)

    Male Customer: “I didn’t say I’d hurt you.”

    (The drunk stumbles to his feet, furious and bleeding from his nose.)

    Drunk Customer: “F*** you both!” *to the bartender* “This b**** punched me! Throw her out!”

    Bartender: *laughs* “H*** no!”

    Drunk Customer: “B****! I AM THE OWNER’S BROTHER! I WANT THIS W**** AND HER HUSBAND TOSSED!”

    Bartender: *to the female regular* “Huh, I didn’t know we had a brother.”

    Drunk Customer: “…huh?”

    Bartender: “I own this bar, and the woman you were treating oh-so-kindly is my little sister. And she had every right to deck you for being a d***.”

    Drunk Customer: “F*** ALL OF YOU! I DON’T NEED TO LISTEN TO YOU, YOU F****** GINGER IRISH W****! TRYING TO RUIN ME! NO MAN WILL EVER WANT TO F*** YOU, YOU B****!”

    Bartender: “You don’t need to listen to us anymore. Get out of my bar; you’re banned for life.”

    (The drunk man continues to scream obscenities at her, her sister, and her brother-in-law, until he had to be dragged out by the bouncer—the bartender’s husband.)

    Developing Arrest

    | Fargo, ND, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work as a supervisor at a bar. Fargo is hosting the ‘North Dakota High School State Wrestling Tournament’ this weekend. I receive a phone call.)

    Me: “[Bar Name], my name is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller #1: “Hi, My Name is [name #1]. I was wondering if you accepted school IDs. I’m from out of town, and grabbed the wrong driver’s license.”

    Me: “Um, well no, because they are not state regulated. You have to have papers if your driver’s license or state ID is clipped.”

    Caller #1: “Well my drivers license is clipped; can I speak to your manager?”

    Me: “I am the supervisor.”

    Caller #1: *click*

    (Two minutes later…)

    Me: “[Bar name], my name is [name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller #2: “Yes, my name is [name #2]. I was wondering if you accepted school IDs. I’m from out of town, and grabbed the wrong driver’s license.”

    Me: “Your name is [name #2]?”

    Caller #2: “Yes.”

    Me: “Is the license you grabbed clipped?”

    Caller #2: “Yes.”

    Me: “Well you need to have your papers issued to you by the state for your clipped drivers license or state ID.”

    (I then hear a hushed voice in the background. It is Caller #2 talking to Caller #1.)

    Caller #2: “[Name #1], what do I do now?”

    Caller #1: “Ask for the manager.”

    (Without letting Caller #2 even ask, I respond.)

    Me: “I am the supervisor.”

    Caller #2: *click*

    (Three minutes later…)

    Me: *sighs* “[Bar name], my name is [name]. I am the supervisor here; how may I help you?”

    Caller #3: “Hi, my name is [name #3]. I was wondering if you accepted school IDs. I’m from out of town, and grabbed the wrong driver’s license.”

    Me: “Are you friends of [name #1] and [name #2]”

    Caller #3: “YES!”

    Me: “Oh, well, hello then. I talked to my general manager, and he says to come by the bar! What time will you three ladies be showing up tonight?”

    Caller #3: *in a hushed voice to Callers #1 and #2* “We are soooo in!” *returning to me* “We will be there at 9:30 sharp.”

    Me: “Well I hope to see you all here tonight.”

    (Later that night, Callers #1, #2, and #3 show up at9:30.)

    Caller #3: “We are here; the supervisor said you accepted student IDs!”

    Me: “Hi! You must be [Callers #1, #2, #3]. Let me see your clipped drivers’ licenses, and student IDs.”

    (I check them. The licenses and student IDs are clearly not theirs. The pictures in each of the girl’s licenses have a different facial structure, and one girl is miraculously missing a birth mark on her chin.)

    Me: “Alright ladies, we have a VIP party in the back. Let me lead you there.”

    Caller #1: *to #2 and #3* “Oh, my God! VIP? This is the best [high school's name] trip ever!”

    (I walk them around the building, with all of their IDs still in my hand.)

    Me: “Alright officers, they’re all yours.”

    (A couple of police officers are waiting for them at the back. As they are being handcuffed, one of the callers has a question.)

    Caller #1: “Can we at least get our IDs back?”

    Officer 1: “You can tell…” *reads names on all three IDs* “…that they can come pick them up at the station. We would like to have a word with them.”

    (To my knowledge, they were processed to scare them, and then released to their parents. The girls on the IDs were charged with ‘furnishing alcohol to minors’, and ‘providing identification to a minor for the sole purpose of obtaining alcohol’.)

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