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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Not Quite The Threat Of A Lifetime

    | VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

    (I’m a bouncer at a sports bar. Since we’re a franchise, we are only allowed to play certain channels on our TVs [mostly sports channels]. A woman calls me over to her table.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, young man, but can you change the channel on this TV to Lifetime?”

    (The television she is referring to is one of the largest ones we own, and there is a college basketball game playing.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we’re only allowed to display certain channels, and Lifetime isn’t one of them.”

    Customer: “Why not? Other restaurants can play any channel they want to.”

    Me: “This is a sports bar; we only play sports channels specifically for that reason.”

    Customer: “So you CAN’T change the channel or you WON’T?”

    (I am silent, almost dumbfounded by her ignorance of the situation.)

    Customer: “Yep, that’s what I thought. I’m not speaking another word to you. Get me the manager.”

    (The manager comes over and offers her a compromise: he will move her to a different table near one of our smaller television sets, where he was willing to make an exception and play Lifetime just for her.)

    Customer: “No! I want to watch it on the big TV!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, we simply can’t do that. This is a sports bar and we have other customers wanting to watch the game.”

    Customer: “Well, then make THEM watch it on the smaller screen!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but there’s nothing else I can do for you. You can watch your program on the TV over there or not watch it at all.”

    (She rudely picks up her drink and storms over to the table near the smaller TV. After her program finishes she begins to leave (after leaving no tip) and makes a point to come up to me:)

    Customer: “Tell your manager that I will not be returning, and I will also be writing a horrible review on Yelp!”

    Me: “Oh, no! People will find out we don’t play Lifetime at a sports bar! We’re going to lose so much business…”

    Just Got Served By A Teenager

    | Bristol, England, UK | April Fool's Day, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Underaged

    (I’m working while taking an extra year at sixth form to finish one course. Due to my lack of classes I often end up working during typical school hours. My early birthday means I’m already 19 but I’m aware I look younger. A customer decides to make conversation with me.)

    Customer: “So, why aren’t you at school?”

    Me: “I don’t have any lessons today; I only take the one subject.”

    Customer: *laughing like he’s caught me out* “So you ARE still at school! You can’t serve me; you’re under 18! Get me your manager!”

    Me: “How about I do you one better, sir?”

    (I happen to have my wallet on me so I hand him my ID and he looks it over. He throws it back to me, takes his drink, and sits at a table. My manager walks by and he gets his attention, explaining what had happened. My manager is very relaxed and simply shrugs at the man.)

    Manager: “Sir, the challenge 21 policy doesn’t go both ways. She did nothing wrong. However I’m going to ask her, and if she felt you were offensive towards her I may just ban you from the premises.”

    (The man wasn’t banned, though the threat of it did make him treat everyone a lot nicer.)

    Piloting A New Reason To Drink

    | Norway | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I am working in a bar calling last orders. Finishing the last orders, I go on to clean down the bar and finish off. A man walks over to the bar and asks for a beer. Licensing law being very strict in Norway I’m in no way allowed to sell that beer after closing hours.)

    Customer: “One beer, please.”

    Me: “Sorry, we are closed and I can’t sell you a beer.”

    Customer: “Come on, I’ll finish the beer by the time you have finished.”

    Me: “Sorry, no can do. It’s the law.”

    Customer: “It’s been a long hard day and all I ask is one beer, please?”

    Me: “Look, if you are getting to airport at 2:15 and your plane is leaving at 2:00, you’re not getting on that plane, are you?”

    Customer: “If I’m flying at 2:00 the plane is waiting for me, because I’m the pilot!”

    (He got the beer…)

    Their IQ Has Been Frozen For A While

    | LA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer #1: “Oh, you have frozen margaritas?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer #1: *turns to friend* “Let’s get some of those!”

    Customer #2: “Frozen? No, you know I only do fresh. That applies to booze, too!”

    Reached The Tipping Point

    | Huntsville, AL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Holidays, Money

    (We are catering a Christmas party for a client and his seventy employees. The party includes an open bar and dinner. There are four servers, and two bartenders. I am a bartender. After five hours of making non-stop bar drinks, and receiving non-stop compliments on our drinks, last call arrives, and this conversation happens.)

    Client: “I need to go ahead and sign the check. Can you print me one ticket for everything?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Here you are.” *hands over one complete invoice*

    Client: “I needed this separate.”

    Me: “Oh, yes, sir. I’m sorry. Here.” *separates food and drink tickets and hands them over*

    Client: “No, this isn’t right. I need a complete ticket.”

    Me: “I don’t understand. You want the tickets together?”

    Client: “No! Where the h*** is [Server not working that night]? She knows how I want things done! I REQUESTED HER AND SHE ISN’T HERE TONIGHT!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t know why she’s not working. Now, about the ticket…”

    Client: “NO! I REQUESTED HER. She’s my friend; she knows how I want things done on the invoice. I won’t come back next year for my Christmas party if you won’t do what I want.”

    Me: “If you could explain to me, I can help you.”

    Client: “Never mind, I’ll just sign this ticket. Did you autograt this?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, 15%.”

    Client: “And you’re sharing that with everyone working tonight?                  ”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Between six people.”

    Client: “Well, then, that’s more than enough for you.” *signs, leaves no extra tip, and stomps out*

    (He baffled the entire crew, since he spent five hours giving us nothing but compliments on our service, and never once mentioned the other server’s absence. I can only guess that when he saw the large bill, he made up a reason to be angry so he wouldn’t have to tip any extra for the incredible service we provided. Splitting the 15% between the servers, we barely made minimum wage.)

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