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    Your Biggest Bugbear

    , | Danvers, MA, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (It is my last week working as a waiter at a nice restaurant/bar before heading off to college. Late Friday afternoon, eight men in suits and ties come in for food and drinks. A couple minutes after serving their cocktails, one of them calls me to the table, stands up, and starts shouting.)

    Customer: “What’s the meaning of this? There’s a bug in my drink!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry sir. I’ve never seen that happen before.”

    (For the next five minutes he rants and raves. I apologize every time he’ll let me get a word in, but he won’t let up. He’s apparently trying to impress his companions, but they’re all rolling their eyes in embarrassment at his hysterics. Finally, he reaches the end of his tantrum.)

    Customer: “You should be fired for serving a drink with a bug in it. It’s completely unacceptable. Take this back and bring me another one. Get me another one, right now!”

    Me: “Certainly, sir. Of course.”

    Me: *turns to leave, hesitates, turns back to the customer* “To make sure I’ve got this right, sir, is that another bug or another drink you would like?”

    Customer: “…”

    Companions: *burst out laughing*

    (The customer turns red. He never said another word. The group left me a nice tip.)

    Doing Them A Flavor Favor

    , | Ireland | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I work as a waitress and am waiting on a table of a really nice family with three kids. It is an unusually hot day and each of the children has one of those really tall, exaggerated slushies with in-built straws.)

    Me: “Where did you get those slushies? They look pretty cool!”

    Father: “Oh, just next door.”

    Me: “Oh, I didn’t realize they sold them. I’ll have to get one next time I’m in. It’s been so hot recently.”

    Father: “What’s your favourite flavour?”

    Me: “I don’t know. All of them, I guess! So, are you guys ready to order?”

    (I proceed to take their order. Their food is served and they have their meal, pay, and leave with no hassle or problems and nice chit chat all the way through. They’ve left after their meal for about 20 minutes when the father enters back in. I’m behind the bar at this point.)

    Father: “Hey, I got you this. It is really hot today!” *hands me one of the slushies, with all the flavours mixed together*

    Me: “Oh, thank you!”

    (He smiled and walked out again. It made my day! Sometimes, the customer is the good guy!)

    Forget To Drink To Forget

    | London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I’m bartending at a wedding and the bar is quiet. A father approaches the bar with his newly 18-year-old daughter.)

    Father: “I’ll have a pint of Guinness, please.”

    Me: “Certainly, sir. Is there anything else I can get you?”

    Father: “Do you want anything, [Daughter]?”

    Daughter: “Oh, I’ll just have some water, please.”

    Father: “Are you sure? You’re allowed alcohol now, remember!”

    Daughter: *face lights up* “Oh, yeah! Uhm…” *falls silent for about five seconds* “What do you have?”

    (I motion to the wide range of alcoholic beverages behind me.)

    Me: “Whatever you fancy, ma’am.”

    Daughter: “Uhm… I don’t know! What do I want?”

    (Her father says nothing, so I presume the question is to me.)

    Me: “Well, what do you normally drink? We have a very wide range of spirits behind me, cold beer on tap in front of you, and several ciders and ales in the fridges that I can list if you’d like.”

    Daughter: “Uhm, can I have a rum and Coke?”

    Me: “Of course, ma’am! Light or dark rum?”

    Daughter: “Uhm… Do you have Barcardi?”

    Me: “Coming right up!”

    (I make her Barcardi and Coke and pour the father his Guinness before taking payment. As the daughter walks away, the father sighs.)

    Father: “I’m very sorry about that! Sometimes I wonder if she’s all there!”

    (He then walks away without his Guinness, returning a minute or so later to collect it with a sheepish look on his face!)

    A Pint-Sized Understanding

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer: “I’ll just take a pint, please.”

    Me: “Sure, what would you like a pint of?”

    Customer: “I just want a pint.”

    Me: “Yes. but what would you like?”

    Customer: “I want a pint. You work in a bar. How do you not know what a pint is?”

    Me: “Sorry. A pint is a unit of measurement; I am just asking what you would like a pint of.”

    Customer: “I DON’T KNOW! JUST GIVE ME A PINT!”

    Me: “Of course.”

    (I got him a pint of water. He was not happy.)

    Way South Of Average Intelligence

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Geography, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

    (I am a light-skinned South African living in the United States. I occasionally get to perform my own music in a local hip-hop-oriented bar. I try to keep my lyrics clean of profanities, which is unusual for this audience.)

    Bar Patron #1: “It’s nice to hear some clean hip-hop here for a change.”

    Me: “Thanks. I just don’t see the need for me to swear, since most of my songs are about partying and that sort of light stuff.”

    Bar Patron #2: “Usually with the people who perform here, it’s ‘n-word this’, and ‘n-word that’.”

    Me: *laughing* “Can you imagine, a white South African using that word a whole bunch of times?”

    Bar Patron #2: “I know you could do that if you wanted to, since your country is run by African-Americans and all, but it’s nice that you don’t.”

    Me: “… Oh boy.”

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