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    Intoxicated Musings

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Top

    Random Customer at a bar #1: “Why do you always have to be so self defecating?”

    Random Customer at a bar #2: “I see that you read a lot. I read a lot, too. I just finished Brave New World by Adolphus Huxley.”

    Random Customer at a bar #3: “Yeah, it’s crazy, they can go to the bottom of the Marinara Trench.”

    There Once Was A Man From Nantucket

    And This Was Before He Got Drunk

    | Cardiff, Wales, UK |

    Customer, looking directly at the draught: “What have you got on tap?”

    Me: “We have Stella, Staropramen, Becks Vier, Leffe, Hoegaarden, Franziskaner and Guiness on tap, sir.”

    Customer: *sighs* “Have you got Carling?”

    Me: “I’m afraid not sir…”

    (I run through everything on tap again, slightly slower, and clearer this time.)

    Customer: “No Budweiser?”

    Me: “I’m afraid not sir…”

    (Again I list everything on draught.)

    Customer: “Oh, I suppose I’ll just have a Kronenberg then.”

    Me: “I’m afraid we don’t stock that product, sir.”

    Customer: “Sorry, I meant a Fosters.”

    Me: *deep breath* “I apologise once again sir, but we don’t serve Fosters. We only serve…”

    (I run through the draught again.)

    Customer: “Okay, okay…bloody hell, I’m not stupid you know!”

    Me: “I apologize if I offended you, sir.”

    Customer: “I should think so. Pint of Worthingtons then.”

    Me: “…” *deep breath* “Tom! Your customer!”

    Having A Hussie Fit

    , | Michigan, USA |

    Me: “Here’s your lemonade sir, what can I get you to eat?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a bowl of chili.”

    (I walk to the back of the restaurant get bowl of chili and take it to him. This takes all of one minute.)

    Customer, angrily: “That took far too long. Did you socialize with the other hussies that work here on your way?”

    Me: “No, sir. That’s how long it takes to walk back and get the chili.”

    Customer: “I’m not paying for any of this.”

    (He then gets up to storm out the front door but instead runs into the door that has the “Use Other Door” sign on it. The “hussies” and I didn’t stop laughing for a good 20 minutes.)

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