November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Part-Time, Double-Time

| London, England, UK | Uncategorized

(I am working in a pub with two public entrances: it has one small side entrance and another on the main street on the opposite wall. A 20 year-old girl enters through the side entrance and approaches the counter.)

Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for a part-time job.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t need staff at the moment.”

(The girl leaves through the same entrance, walks around the building, walks in through the other door, and approaches the bar.)

Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for a part-time job.”

The Cup Is Half Empty Kinda Guy, Part 2

| Essex, UK | Uncategorized

(The pub has a special offer selling pints of ale for the price of a half-pint.)

Customer: “Can I have a pint of ale, please?”

Me: “There you go. That’s £1.”

Customer: “But, your sign says that a pint costs the same as a half-pint.”

Me: “It is. A pint is usually £2.”

Customer: “That is a rip-off. A pint should cost £1 anyway.”

Me: “I assure you that a pint is usually £2.”

Customer: “Forget this. I didn’t come in here to be conned. Just get me a half-pint instead.”

(I pour half of the pint into a half-pint glass.)

Me: “Here you go, sir.”

Customer: “That’s better. How much is it?”

Me: “It’s £1.”

(The customer pays, picks up his drink and walks off happy.)

The Cup Is Half Empty Kinda Guy

Failing The Bar

| Lancaster, England, UK | Uncategorized

(A customer is buying drinks for him and his friends.)

Me: “£12.60, please.”

Customer: “Can I put that on the tab?”

Me: “Sure, what name is the tab in?”

Customer: “I don’t care.”

There Is No Tea In the Virgin Islands

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hey, I want a drink without any alcohol. What do you have?”

Me: “Well, can I get you a soda or something? Maybe some juice?”

Customer: “Can I get a virgin long island?”

Me: “You mean, you want an iced tea?”

Customer: “No, I want a virgin long island.”

Me: “But, a long island is mostly alcohol. I mean, there are five shots in it. Then some sour and some coke. Do you want a glass of sour and coke?”

Customer: “Is that alcoholic?”

(I give up and hand her an iced tea.)

Customer, turning to a friend: *excitedly* “I got a virgin long island!”

Go Ahead, Make (Up) My Day

| CA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Top, Underaged

Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

Boy: *hands over ID*

(I glance at the year. It says 1987, so he’s either 23 or 24. I’m about to allow him in when I do a double-take at the date.)

Me: “Sir, how old are you?”

Boy: “24.”

Me: “What’s your birth date?”

Boy: *gets restless* “Can’t I go in yet? You saw my ID.”

Me: “Sorry, it’s a fake ID. If you’re really 24, show me a real ID.”

Boy: “How’s it fake?”

(I hold up the ID and point to the birth date.)

Boy: “Oh, s***. I paid good money for that. I can’t believe that moron put February 30!”