October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Failing The Bar

| Lancaster, England, UK | Uncategorized

(A customer is buying drinks for him and his friends.)

Me: “£12.60, please.”

Customer: “Can I put that on the tab?”

Me: “Sure, what name is the tab in?”

Customer: “I don’t care.”

There Is No Tea In the Virgin Islands

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hey, I want a drink without any alcohol. What do you have?”

Me: “Well, can I get you a soda or something? Maybe some juice?”

Customer: “Can I get a virgin long island?”

Me: “You mean, you want an iced tea?”

Customer: “No, I want a virgin long island.”

Me: “But, a long island is mostly alcohol. I mean, there are five shots in it. Then some sour and some coke. Do you want a glass of sour and coke?”

Customer: “Is that alcoholic?”

(I give up and hand her an iced tea.)

Customer, turning to a friend: *excitedly* “I got a virgin long island!”

Go Ahead, Make (Up) My Day

| CA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Top, Underaged

Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

Boy: *hands over ID*

(I glance at the year. It says 1987, so he’s either 23 or 24. I’m about to allow him in when I do a double-take at the date.)

Me: “Sir, how old are you?”

Boy: “24.”

Me: “What’s your birth date?”

Boy: *gets restless* “Can’t I go in yet? You saw my ID.”

Me: “Sorry, it’s a fake ID. If you’re really 24, show me a real ID.”

Boy: “How’s it fake?”

(I hold up the ID and point to the birth date.)

Boy: “Oh, s***. I paid good money for that. I can’t believe that moron put February 30!”

No ID, No Idea, Part 4

| UK | Uncategorized

(A customer comes to the bar with his parents. He starts to order drinks, but I stop him to ask for his ID.)

Me: “Can I see some ID, please?”

Customer’s mother: “He doesn’t need it. He’s 19.”

Me: “Well, I’m just asking him to prove that.”

Customer: “I don’t have any.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to serve you then.”

Customer’s father: “Okay. Well, I’ll order then.”

(He orders the same three alcoholic drinks as his son had before.)

Me: “Unfortunately, he will have to have a soft drink.”

Customer’s father: “What do you mean he can’t have a drink? He’s 19! He’s actually a barman, you know!”

Me: “Well, he should really know better then.”

No ID, No Idea, Part 3
No ID, No Idea, Part 2
No ID, No Idea

Picking On Pockets

| Boston, MA, USA | Top

Customer: “Two white wines, please.”

Me: “Sure thing. Your total will be $****.”

Customer: “$****?! That’s a little steep. I bet you’re lining your pockets.”

(I look down at my uniform, which is a black cocktail dress.)

Me: “Sir, I don’t have pockets.”

Customer: “Touché.”

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