Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • The Offer Is Sub-Standard
    (1,823 thumbs up)
  • August Theme Of The Month: We Are Closed!
    Submit your story today!

    Happy Hour, Right Day, Wrong Year

    | Minnesota, USA | Underaged

    Customer: “Is it true that you give out free drinks on people’s birthdays?”

    Me: “It’s true we’ll give you one free drink, yes, but I need to see your ID to confirm it’s your birthday.”

    Customer: *hands over ID*

    Me: “Yeah, it’s your birthday. Pity you can’t legally drink ’til your next one.”

    Fake On A Break

    | Wisconsin, USA |

    Me: “May I see some ID sir?”

    Customer: “Uh, yeah. Here.”

    (I take a look at the ID and am utterly speechless. It is by no means a bad fake, but the kid made one mistake when he ordered it. I motion over the bar manager, because I am utterly speechless. I hand him the fake.)

    Manager: *laughing* “Kid, your fake says you are 19!”

    (Everyone in line begins laughing, and the kid takes off. I notice at least three other people in line check the date on their licenses.)

    On The Straight And Narrow (Minded)

    | Hertfordshire, England | Top

    (Note: I’m a female customer sitting in a pub. I’m approached by another male customer while I read a book.)

    Male customer: “Hello, my name is ***.”

    Me: “That’s nice.”

    Male customer: “So can I have your number?”

    Me: “Oh. Actually, I’m gay.”

    Male customer: “You want to have sex with women?”

    Me: “Well, not right now. Right now, I just want to read my book.”

    Male customer: “That’s bulls***! If you’re a lesbian then you want to have sex with women!”

    Me: “Honestly, I just want to read my book.”

    Male customer: “You’re lying to me, that’s very rude! I’m going to complain!”

    Male customer, to a waitress: “That girl over there is being really rude. I want you to do something, it’s disturbing my day. She just lied to me and told me that she was a lesbian, and now she’s mocking me.”

    Waitress: “What am I supposed to do about that? Make her straight?”

    Male customer: “Just do something about it!”

    Waitress, to me: “Hello, there.”

    Me: “Hello. I’m sorry about him.”

    Waitress: “Oh, it’s no problem! So, can I have your number?”

    Male customer: *looks horrified*

    Me: “Er, yeah, sure. Here.”

    (I write my number on a napkin and she takes it, still smiling.)

    Waitress, to male customer: “See? She’s a lesbian.”

    Male customer: “That’s not what I wanted you to do! I didn’t want you to ask her out, I wanted you to make her leave! I demand to speak to your manager!”

    Waitress: “Oh, he’s just popped out. I can get his boyfriend for you though if you want?”

    Male customer: *storms out cursing*

    (It turned out that the waitress was kidding about her manager, but she wasn’t kidding about asking me out!)

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World, Part 2

    | Israel | Top

    Me: “Hey there mate, what can I get ya?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a scotch on the rocks.”

    Me: “Coming right up!”

    (I serve him his drink, but as soon as I turn around to handle the other customers, a lowball glass comes flying through the air, hits the wall, and shatters to a million pieces. I turn back and see the customer with a frown on his face.)

    Me: “Why the h*** did you do that for?!”

    Customer: “Why’d you put f***ing ice in my drink?! I didn’t ask for no f***ing ice!”

    Me: “Yes, you did! You asked for scotch on the rocks!”

    Customer: “Yeah, and you put ice in it!”

    Me: “Do you know what a scotch is?”

    Customer: “Whiskey?”

    Me: “Exactly. And do you know what ‘on the rocks’ means?”

    Customer: “How you make it?”

    Me: “No, it stands for ice. Scotch with ice.”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “You’re gonna have to pay for the drink and the glass and then get out.”

    Customer: “How f***ing dare you?!”

    Me: “Do you know what on the rocks also means?”

    Customer: “No! What?!”

    (The doorman takes him by the hand, and then tosses him out the front door.)

    Related:
    Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World

    And This Is Before He Had A Pint

    | London, UK |

    (Note: the music from the jukebox in our bar is playing pretty loudly.)

    Customer: “Can you turn the jukebox back on please?”

    Me: “It is on.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not.”

    Me: “Yeah, it really is.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not. The government turned it off.”

    Me: “Erm, really?”

    Customer: “Yeah, so can you turn it back on?”

    Me: “Erm, okay…” *I pretend to push a button underneath the bar* “…how’s that?”

    Customer: “Much better, thanks!”

    Page 12/15First...1011121314...Last