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    Failing The Bar

    | Lancaster, England, UK |

    (A customer is buying drinks for him and his friends.)

    Me: “£12.60, please.”

    Customer: “Can I put that on the tab?”

    Me: “Sure, what name is the tab in?”

    Customer: “I don’t care.”

    There Is No Tea In the Virgin Islands

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA |

    Customer: “Hey, I want a drink without any alcohol. What do you have?”

    Me: “Well, can I get you a soda or something? Maybe some juice?”

    Customer: “Can I get a virgin long island?”

    Me: “You mean, you want an iced tea?”

    Customer: “No, I want a virgin long island.”

    Me: “But, a long island is mostly alcohol. I mean, there are five shots in it. Then some sour and some coke. Do you want a glass of sour and coke?”

    Customer: “Is that alcoholic?”

    (I give up and hand her an iced tea.)

    Customer, turning to a friend: *excitedly* “I got a virgin long island!”

    Go Ahead, Make (Up) My Day

    | CA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Top, Underaged

    Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

    Boy: *hands over ID*

    (I glance at the year. It says 1987, so he’s either 23 or 24. I’m about to allow him in when I do a double-take at the date.)

    Me: “Sir, how old are you?”

    Boy: “24.”

    Me: “What’s your birth date?”

    Boy: *gets restless* “Can’t I go in yet? You saw my ID.”

    Me: “Sorry, it’s a fake ID. If you’re really 24, show me a real ID.”

    Boy: “How’s it fake?”

    (I hold up the ID and point to the birth date.)

    Boy: “Oh, s***. I paid good money for that. I can’t believe that moron put February 30!”

    No ID, No Idea, Part 4

    | UK |

    (A customer comes to the bar with his parents. He starts to order drinks, but I stop him to ask for his ID.)

    Me: “Can I see some ID, please?”

    Customer’s mother: “He doesn’t need it. He’s 19.”

    Me: “Well, I’m just asking him to prove that.”

    Customer: “I don’t have any.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to serve you then.”

    Customer’s father: “Okay. Well, I’ll order then.”

    (He orders the same three alcoholic drinks as his son had before.)

    Me: “Unfortunately, he will have to have a soft drink.”

    Customer’s father: “What do you mean he can’t have a drink? He’s 19! He’s actually a barman, you know!”

    Me: “Well, he should really know better then.”

    Related:
    No ID, No Idea, Part 3
    No ID, No Idea, Part 2
    No ID, No Idea

    Picking On Pockets

    | Boston, MA, USA | Top

    Customer: “Two white wines, please.”

    Me: “Sure thing. Your total will be $****.”

    Customer: “$****?! That’s a little steep. I bet you’re lining your pockets.”

    (I look down at my uniform, which is a black cocktail dress.)

    Me: “Sir, I don’t have pockets.”

    Customer: “Touché.”

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