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    Avoiding Spring Bathroom Break

    | Fairfield, CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I work at a bar near the beach. It’s usually a popular spot, especially when Spring Break comes around. A trio of college students comes in ordering the Spring Break special, which is where you get pitchers of beer for $1 each until you take a bathroom break, after which it becomes regular price. Our bathrooms do not have any windows and are guarded by two security guards who stamp every patron who leaves the bathroom so management can keep track of everyone. Two of the college students used the bathroom but the third person continues to keep drinking without using the bathroom. After over 60 minutes of drinking he orders another pitcher.)

    Customer: *inebriated* “Yo, bro. Another pitcher, please!”

    Me: “Right away, sir. It’s amazing that you keep going like this.”

    Customer: “Yes, all this drinking is making me thirsty.”

    (The people nearby, including the manager, laugh when he says that. The manager decides to step in.)

    Manager: “Sir, if you don’t mind me asking, what is your secret? I mean everyone I’ve seen usually goes to the bathroom after 30 minutes of drinking but you haven’t visited the bathroom once. How do you do it?”

    Customer: “All right, I’ll show you.”

    (The man proceeded to lower his pants and reveal he was wearing an adult diaper. It was soggy looking and yellow like popcorn butter. The manager was so shocked and disgusted by this he took out his cell phone, took a picture of the guy, then whistled for one of the security guards to have the guy escorted from the bar. He then ordered the other two patrons to pay for the difference since they ‘cheated.’ Scared by the security guards, they paid and left me a nice tip!)

    Read Your Food For Thoughts

    | Somerset, England, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

    (I work Saturdays at a local pub and it tends to be a very quiet shift. The chef comes up to the bar to check the evening’s reservations just as a customer is ordering.)

    Customer: “Can I have the ham and tomato baguette, but no tomato?”

    (I look to the chef and he nods.)

    Me: “Certainly.” *hits button for ham and tomato baguette* “What table was that?”

    Customer: “Table six.”

    (The chef leaves, giving me a thumbs up so I know he knows what to do.)

    Me: “Okay that’s [price].”

    Customer: *handing over the money* “Don’t you have to write a note?”

    Me: “A note?”

    Customer: “On the till, don’t you have to write a note letting the chef know?”

    Me: *hands them their change* “No, he already knows.”

    Customer: “How? Is he psychic?”

    Me: “He was the guy that was just up here. He heard you.”

    Customer: *walking away, muttering* “More fun when I thought he was psychic.”

    Your Passport To Being Banned

    | USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (I go into a bar I frequent. I had lost my wallet a few days earlier, but I know most of the bartenders, so I didn’t expect them to ask for identification. The woman working doesn’t recognize me, and asks for my ID. Also, I’m a 23-year-old white woman.)

    Me: “I think I actually have my passport in my car. Hold on.”

    (I go get it and show the bartender.)

    Bartender: *not amused* “This isn’t you.”

    Me: “No, it is…”

    (I get this almost every time I show my passport, because it is an old picture and it really doesn’t look that much like me.)

    Bartender: “Is this even real?”

    (Now, I’m offended.)

    Me: “It’s definitely me. I come here all the time and we went to [Community College] together!”

    Bartender: “No, we didn’t. And this is DEFINITELY not you.”

    Me: “It is! Look at the date it was issued. Look at my birth date. That picture was taken when I was 17. I’m 24 now, a little heavier, and my hair is longer and less pink, but it is DEFINITELY me!”

    Bartender: “This is you?”

    (She turns the passport to me and shows me the picture, one of an older man of Middle Eastern descent with a Saudi Arabian name and an impressive beard. A friend of mine had put his passport in my glove box months ago and then apparently forgot about it.)

    Me: “You’re right; that’s not me.”

    (Luckily, I had my actual passport, and was able to return my friend’s with an awesome story. With any luck at all, the bartender will fail to remember me again next time I go in.)

    Your Biggest Bugbear

    , | Danvers, MA, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (It is my last week working as a waiter at a nice restaurant/bar before heading off to college. Late Friday afternoon, eight men in suits and ties come in for food and drinks. A couple minutes after serving their cocktails, one of them calls me to the table, stands up, and starts shouting.)

    Customer: “What’s the meaning of this? There’s a bug in my drink!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry sir. I’ve never seen that happen before.”

    (For the next five minutes he rants and raves. I apologize every time he’ll let me get a word in, but he won’t let up. He’s apparently trying to impress his companions, but they’re all rolling their eyes in embarrassment at his hysterics. Finally, he reaches the end of his tantrum.)

    Customer: “You should be fired for serving a drink with a bug in it. It’s completely unacceptable. Take this back and bring me another one. Get me another one, right now!”

    Me: “Certainly, sir. Of course.”

    Me: *turns to leave, hesitates, turns back to the customer* “To make sure I’ve got this right, sir, is that another bug or another drink you would like?”

    Customer: “…”

    Companions: *burst out laughing*

    (The customer turns red. He never said another word. The group left me a nice tip.)

    Doing Them A Flavor Favor

    , | Ireland | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I work as a waitress and am waiting on a table of a really nice family with three kids. It is an unusually hot day and each of the children has one of those really tall, exaggerated slushies with in-built straws.)

    Me: “Where did you get those slushies? They look pretty cool!”

    Father: “Oh, just next door.”

    Me: “Oh, I didn’t realize they sold them. I’ll have to get one next time I’m in. It’s been so hot recently.”

    Father: “What’s your favourite flavour?”

    Me: “I don’t know. All of them, I guess! So, are you guys ready to order?”

    (I proceed to take their order. Their food is served and they have their meal, pay, and leave with no hassle or problems and nice chit chat all the way through. They’ve left after their meal for about 20 minutes when the father enters back in. I’m behind the bar at this point.)

    Father: “Hey, I got you this. It is really hot today!” *hands me one of the slushies, with all the flavours mixed together*

    Me: “Oh, thank you!”

    (He smiled and walked out again. It made my day! Sometimes, the customer is the good guy!)


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