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  • Bigotry Is Not On The Menu
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  • Their IQ Has Been Frozen For A While

    | LA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer #1: “Oh, you have frozen margaritas?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer #1: *turns to friend* “Let’s get some of those!”

    Customer #2: “Frozen? No, you know I only do fresh. That applies to booze, too!”

    Reached The Tipping Point

    | Huntsville, AL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Holidays, Money

    (We are catering a Christmas party for a client and his seventy employees. The party includes an open bar and dinner. There are four servers, and two bartenders. I am a bartender. After five hours of making non-stop bar drinks, and receiving non-stop compliments on our drinks, last call arrives, and this conversation happens.)

    Client: “I need to go ahead and sign the check. Can you print me one ticket for everything?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Here you are.” *hands over one complete invoice*

    Client: “I needed this separate.”

    Me: “Oh, yes, sir. I’m sorry. Here.” *separates food and drink tickets and hands them over*

    Client: “No, this isn’t right. I need a complete ticket.”

    Me: “I don’t understand. You want the tickets together?”

    Client: “No! Where the h*** is [Server not working that night]? She knows how I want things done! I REQUESTED HER AND SHE ISN’T HERE TONIGHT!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t know why she’s not working. Now, about the ticket…”

    Client: “NO! I REQUESTED HER. She’s my friend; she knows how I want things done on the invoice. I won’t come back next year for my Christmas party if you won’t do what I want.”

    Me: “If you could explain to me, I can help you.”

    Client: “Never mind, I’ll just sign this ticket. Did you autograt this?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, 15%.”

    Client: “And you’re sharing that with everyone working tonight?                  ”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Between six people.”

    Client: “Well, then, that’s more than enough for you.” *signs, leaves no extra tip, and stomps out*

    (He baffled the entire crew, since he spent five hours giving us nothing but compliments on our service, and never once mentioned the other server’s absence. I can only guess that when he saw the large bill, he made up a reason to be angry so he wouldn’t have to tip any extra for the incredible service we provided. Splitting the 15% between the servers, we barely made minimum wage.)

    Your Last (Corn) Meal

    , | NJ, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

    (A regular bar patron who would drink Irish coffee and run his yap is talking about French fries, when he spots me, the chef.)

    Customer: “Do you put corn meal on your French fries?”

    Me: “Uh… no.”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    (He later died, and his repass was held in our banquet room. That day, we put corn meal on our French fries.)

    At Lagerheads, Part 4

    | Ireland | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer: “I’d like a gin and tonic and a pint of Carlsberg.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any Carlsberg. We have other lagers available on draft and also those available in long neck bottles.”

    Customer: “Okay. So, I’ll have a long neck Carlsberg.”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t have long neck Carlsberg.”

    Customer: “I’ll have a can of Carlsberg then, please.”

    Me: *internal sigh* “Sorry, we don’t sell cans of any kind; also, we don’t have Carlsberg. Would any other kind of lager be okay?”

    Customer: “Oh, it’s not for me. It’s for my husband. Hold on. I’ll go check what he would have instead.” *goes and comes back* “Okay. Can I have a pint of Carlsberg, please?”

    At Lagerheads, Part 3
    At Lagerheads, Part 2
    At Lagerheads

    Really Tee’d Off Over Closing Time

    , | UK | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a bar at my local golf club. We have closed at 7 pm for years now. I’ve just collected the last glasses and pulled the shutters down over the bar apart from the one which allows me to get in and out. I’m in the middle of cashing down the day’s takings.)

    Customer: *at 7:30* “Are you open?”

    Me: *dumbfounded* “No, sir. We closed about half an hour ago and I’m just finishing the last of my tasks behind the bar.”

    Customer: “Well, you should be open for people like me who like to be the last to tee off on the course in the day!” *walks off in a huff*

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