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    Piloting A New Reason To Drink

    | Norway | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I am working in a bar calling last orders. Finishing the last orders, I go on to clean down the bar and finish off. A man walks over to the bar and asks for a beer. Licensing law being very strict in Norway I’m in no way allowed to sell that beer after closing hours.)

    Customer: “One beer, please.”

    Me: “Sorry, we are closed and I can’t sell you a beer.”

    Customer: “Come on, I’ll finish the beer by the time you have finished.”

    Me: “Sorry, no can do. It’s the law.”

    Customer: “It’s been a long hard day and all I ask is one beer, please?”

    Me: “Look, if you are getting to airport at 2:15 and your plane is leaving at 2:00, you’re not getting on that plane, are you?”

    Customer: “If I’m flying at 2:00 the plane is waiting for me, because I’m the pilot!”

    (He got the beer…)

    Their IQ Has Been Frozen For A While

    | LA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer #1: “Oh, you have frozen margaritas?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer #1: *turns to friend* “Let’s get some of those!”

    Customer #2: “Frozen? No, you know I only do fresh. That applies to booze, too!”

    Reached The Tipping Point

    | Huntsville, AL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Holidays, Money

    (We are catering a Christmas party for a client and his seventy employees. The party includes an open bar and dinner. There are four servers, and two bartenders. I am a bartender. After five hours of making non-stop bar drinks, and receiving non-stop compliments on our drinks, last call arrives, and this conversation happens.)

    Client: “I need to go ahead and sign the check. Can you print me one ticket for everything?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Here you are.” *hands over one complete invoice*

    Client: “I needed this separate.”

    Me: “Oh, yes, sir. I’m sorry. Here.” *separates food and drink tickets and hands them over*

    Client: “No, this isn’t right. I need a complete ticket.”

    Me: “I don’t understand. You want the tickets together?”

    Client: “No! Where the h*** is [Server not working that night]? She knows how I want things done! I REQUESTED HER AND SHE ISN’T HERE TONIGHT!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t know why she’s not working. Now, about the ticket…”

    Client: “NO! I REQUESTED HER. She’s my friend; she knows how I want things done on the invoice. I won’t come back next year for my Christmas party if you won’t do what I want.”

    Me: “If you could explain to me, I can help you.”

    Client: “Never mind, I’ll just sign this ticket. Did you autograt this?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, 15%.”

    Client: “And you’re sharing that with everyone working tonight?                  ”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Between six people.”

    Client: “Well, then, that’s more than enough for you.” *signs, leaves no extra tip, and stomps out*

    (He baffled the entire crew, since he spent five hours giving us nothing but compliments on our service, and never once mentioned the other server’s absence. I can only guess that when he saw the large bill, he made up a reason to be angry so he wouldn’t have to tip any extra for the incredible service we provided. Splitting the 15% between the servers, we barely made minimum wage.)

    Your Last (Corn) Meal

    , | NJ, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

    (A regular bar patron who would drink Irish coffee and run his yap is talking about French fries, when he spots me, the chef.)

    Customer: “Do you put corn meal on your French fries?”

    Me: “Uh… no.”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    (He later died, and his repass was held in our banquet room. That day, we put corn meal on our French fries.)

    At Lagerheads, Part 4

    | Ireland | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer: “I’d like a gin and tonic and a pint of Carlsberg.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any Carlsberg. We have other lagers available on draft and also those available in long neck bottles.”

    Customer: “Okay. So, I’ll have a long neck Carlsberg.”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t have long neck Carlsberg.”

    Customer: “I’ll have a can of Carlsberg then, please.”

    Me: *internal sigh* “Sorry, we don’t sell cans of any kind; also, we don’t have Carlsberg. Would any other kind of lager be okay?”

    Customer: “Oh, it’s not for me. It’s for my husband. Hold on. I’ll go check what he would have instead.” *goes and comes back* “Okay. Can I have a pint of Carlsberg, please?”

    At Lagerheads, Part 3
    At Lagerheads, Part 2
    At Lagerheads

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