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    Your Last (Corn) Meal

    , | NJ, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

    (A regular bar patron who would drink Irish coffee and run his yap is talking about French fries, when he spots me, the chef.)

    Customer: “Do you put corn meal on your French fries?”

    Me: “Uh… no.”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    (He later died, and his repass was held in our banquet room. That day, we put corn meal on our French fries.)

    At Lagerheads, Part 4

    | Ireland | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer: “I’d like a gin and tonic and a pint of Carlsberg.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any Carlsberg. We have other lagers available on draft and also those available in long neck bottles.”

    Customer: “Okay. So, I’ll have a long neck Carlsberg.”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t have long neck Carlsberg.”

    Customer: “I’ll have a can of Carlsberg then, please.”

    Me: *internal sigh* “Sorry, we don’t sell cans of any kind; also, we don’t have Carlsberg. Would any other kind of lager be okay?”

    Customer: “Oh, it’s not for me. It’s for my husband. Hold on. I’ll go check what he would have instead.” *goes and comes back* “Okay. Can I have a pint of Carlsberg, please?”

    Related:
    At Lagerheads, Part 3
    At Lagerheads, Part 2
    At Lagerheads

    Really Tee’d Off Over Closing Time

    , | UK | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a bar at my local golf club. We have closed at 7 pm for years now. I’ve just collected the last glasses and pulled the shutters down over the bar apart from the one which allows me to get in and out. I’m in the middle of cashing down the day’s takings.)

    Customer: *at 7:30* “Are you open?”

    Me: *dumbfounded* “No, sir. We closed about half an hour ago and I’m just finishing the last of my tasks behind the bar.”

    Customer: “Well, you should be open for people like me who like to be the last to tee off on the course in the day!” *walks off in a huff*

    No Longer Being Paid To Be Nice

    | Brighton, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

    Me: “It’s 10.50 pm, so last orders, please!”

    (Ten minutes later:)

    Me: “It’s 11.00 pm. That’s time at the bar now!”

    (I go about closing the bar, cleaning, sweeping, taking out the trash and cashing up. Four customers who’ve been chatting for several hours over one and a half beers and lots of glasses of tap water ignore me as I clean around them and tell them that I need to take their glasses.)

    Me: “It’s 11.45 pm. Come on. Everyone’s gone, the bar is shut, and I’m not being paid to be here any more. Will you please just go?”

    Customer: “I can’t believe how rude you’re being! Let me talk to your manager!”

    (They explain how rude I was when I asked them to leave and how I had claimed that I wasn’t being paid to be polite to them now.)

    Manager: “He’s right. We’ve been closed for nearly an hour and none of us are being paid to be here now. So get out!”

    (I thought I might have overstepped the mark but it’s good to know your manager’s got your back!)

    Avoiding Spring Bathroom Break

    | Fairfield, CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I work at a bar near the beach. It’s usually a popular spot, especially when Spring Break comes around. A trio of college students comes in ordering the Spring Break special, which is where you get pitchers of beer for $1 each until you take a bathroom break, after which it becomes regular price. Our bathrooms do not have any windows and are guarded by two security guards who stamp every patron who leaves the bathroom so management can keep track of everyone. Two of the college students used the bathroom but the third person continues to keep drinking without using the bathroom. After over 60 minutes of drinking he orders another pitcher.)

    Customer: *inebriated* “Yo, bro. Another pitcher, please!”

    Me: “Right away, sir. It’s amazing that you keep going like this.”

    Customer: “Yes, all this drinking is making me thirsty.”

    (The people nearby, including the manager, laugh when he says that. The manager decides to step in.)

    Manager: “Sir, if you don’t mind me asking, what is your secret? I mean everyone I’ve seen usually goes to the bathroom after 30 minutes of drinking but you haven’t visited the bathroom once. How do you do it?”

    Customer: “All right, I’ll show you.”

    (The man proceeded to lower his pants and reveal he was wearing an adult diaper. It was soggy looking and yellow like popcorn butter. The manager was so shocked and disgusted by this he took out his cell phone, took a picture of the guy, then whistled for one of the security guards to have the guy escorted from the bar. He then ordered the other two patrons to pay for the difference since they ‘cheated.’ Scared by the security guards, they paid and left me a nice tip!)

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