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    Non-Sufficient Dunce

    | Canada | Money

    (A customer calls in to find out why his loan has been returned “NSF”, which is short for “Non-Sufficient Funds.”)

    Me: “I see that the loan was returned on Monday as there was not enough money in the account.

    Customer: “Yeah, but it was supposed to be taken out of my account the previous Friday.”

    (I check, and he indeed did not have enough money to cover the loan on Friday.)

    Me: “That is the correct date, but it looks like the computer gave you a grace period. It gave you a few days to put the funds in the account before it tried to take it.”

    Customer: “That’s crazy! I agreed to have my payments taken every Friday. I want the loan to bounce on the Friday, not on the Monday, okay? Make my loan payment bounce on Fridays!”

    In Plain Site

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Technology

    Caller: “Your website sucks. I can’t even get last month’s statement!”

    Me: “I’d be more than happy to help, sir. You can definitely obtain last month’s statement.”

    Caller: “No, I can’t! I looked everywhere. Your website is the worst bank website I’ve ever seen!”

    Me: “I’ll show you exactly where you need to go, sir. You can obtain last month’s statement by—”

    Caller: “Even [other bank] and [another bank] have better websites than you! This is absolutely ridiculous!”

    Me: “Like I said, sir, we do have last month’s statement on our website. You can even see your statement from years ago.”

    Caller: “No, you can’t! Your website sucks! You should have last month’s statement!”

    Me: “If you can humour me, sir, please log in.”

    Caller: “Fine, I’ve logged in. You see?! I don’t see last month’s statement anywhere!”

    Me: “So you’re currently on the home page, sir?”

    Caller: “Yes!”

    Me: “Okay, now please click on “Last Statement”, which is right in the middle of the page.”

    Caller: *clicks the link and stays totally silent*

    Me: “Did you need help looking up anything else?”

    Caller: “Your website still sucks!”

    Blood Money

    , | Texas, USA | Health & Body

    (A caller is on the phone applying for a loan. We get to the part with his income.)

    Me: “Okay, where are you employed?”

    Caller: “I don’t work. I sell blood.”

    Me: *confused* “You mean at blood banks?”

    Caller: “Sometimes at blood banks. Sometimes on the street…”

    Only If It Grows On Trees

    | Nottingham, UK | Money

    Me: “Hello, you’re through to the loans department. My name is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I’d like to check how much I could get on a loan, please.”

    (I get the persons details and check the account.)

    Me: “Thank you, Mrs. [caller]. You can have a loan of up to £900.”

    Caller: “Do I have to pay that back?”

    Embarrassingly Empathic

    | Idaho Falls, ID, USA |

    (I have a picture of my husband, daughter, and myself posted at my window. It is the picture we used for our wedding announcements. Customers often comment on what a nice picture it is. Recently I cut my hair several inches shorter.)

    Customer: *looking at the picture* “You have a very nice family.”

    Me: “Thank you.”

    Customer: “You look different in the picture.”

    Me: “I recently cut my hair.”

    Customer: “It’s okay. You look younger in person.”

    Me: “Thank you?”

    Customer: “And don’t worry; I take bad pictures too!”

    Me: *speechless*

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