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    Indiscriminate Discrimi-nation, Part 2

    | Auckland, New Zealand | Bigotry

    Caller: “Can I speak with [banker name]?”

    Me: “I’m so sorry, but she’s in a meeting right now. Is there something I can help with?”

    Caller: “I’m having trouble hearing you. Can you speak up?”

    (I move my headset closer.)

    Me: “Is there anything I can help you with?”

    Caller: “Your accent is appalling! I hate talking to you Asians!”

    Me: *mild shock* “Ma’am, I’m a kiwi, born and bred.”

    Caller: “Nonsense! Where were you born?”

    Me: “At [giant public hospital in Auckland].”

    Caller: “Oh, but your parents must be Asians! They’re everywhere!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. My parents are Scottish stock, and have been here five generations.”

    Caller: “D*** you Asians!” *click*

    Related:
    Indiscriminate Discrimi-nation

    Customer, Know Thyself

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Top

    (I am a customer standing in line at the bank. Two customers behind me start complaining about the length of the line.)

    Customer #1: “Look at this! It’s ridiculous!”

    Customer #2: “They are moving so slow! The workers should get fired for being so lazy!”

    (This goes on for a couple of minutes. When I draw even with the complaining customers in the switchbacked line, I decide I can’t take it anymore and speak up.)

    Me: “Look at the windows, ladies! Every one of them has customers who didn’t take the time to fill out their slips. Now the tellers have to do it for them, and that takes twice as long! They’re the ones holding up all of us, not the nice people trying to help them!”

    (Note: I’m talking loud enough for everyone at the windows to hear, hoping maybe next time they’ll wise up.)

    Customers #1 and #2: *shocked*

    Me: “Let me guess. Wanna borrow my pen?”

    (The complaining customers sheepishly agree and fill out their slips. Three or four others in line also grab slips and start scribbling, while the customers at the windows look suitably embarrassed. When I finally get to a teller window, she leans towards me and confides in me.)

    Teller: *whispering* “Thank you, from everyone here! I wish I could save the security tape of that!”

    Non-Sufficient Dunce

    | Canada | Money

    (A customer calls in to find out why his loan has been returned “NSF”, which is short for “Non-Sufficient Funds.”)

    Me: “I see that the loan was returned on Monday as there was not enough money in the account.

    Customer: “Yeah, but it was supposed to be taken out of my account the previous Friday.”

    (I check, and he indeed did not have enough money to cover the loan on Friday.)

    Me: “That is the correct date, but it looks like the computer gave you a grace period. It gave you a few days to put the funds in the account before it tried to take it.”

    Customer: “That’s crazy! I agreed to have my payments taken every Friday. I want the loan to bounce on the Friday, not on the Monday, okay? Make my loan payment bounce on Fridays!”

    In Plain Site

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Technology

    Caller: “Your website sucks. I can’t even get last month’s statement!”

    Me: “I’d be more than happy to help, sir. You can definitely obtain last month’s statement.”

    Caller: “No, I can’t! I looked everywhere. Your website is the worst bank website I’ve ever seen!”

    Me: “I’ll show you exactly where you need to go, sir. You can obtain last month’s statement by—”

    Caller: “Even [other bank] and [another bank] have better websites than you! This is absolutely ridiculous!”

    Me: “Like I said, sir, we do have last month’s statement on our website. You can even see your statement from years ago.”

    Caller: “No, you can’t! Your website sucks! You should have last month’s statement!”

    Me: “If you can humour me, sir, please log in.”

    Caller: “Fine, I’ve logged in. You see?! I don’t see last month’s statement anywhere!”

    Me: “So you’re currently on the home page, sir?”

    Caller: “Yes!”

    Me: “Okay, now please click on “Last Statement”, which is right in the middle of the page.”

    Caller: *clicks the link and stays totally silent*

    Me: “Did you need help looking up anything else?”

    Caller: “Your website still sucks!”

    Blood Money

    , | Texas, USA | Health & Body

    (A caller is on the phone applying for a loan. We get to the part with his income.)

    Me: “Okay, where are you employed?”

    Caller: “I don’t work. I sell blood.”

    Me: *confused* “You mean at blood banks?”

    Caller: “Sometimes at blood banks. Sometimes on the street…”

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