This Customer Has A Tuna Problems

| Bellingham, WA, USA | Bizarre, Money

(I’m a teller at a bank. A young customer comes up to my window.)

Customer: “I’d like to withdraw $20.”

Me: “I’m sorry, it looks like your available balance is $10. Would you like to withdraw that amount?”

Customer: “No. I want to withdraw $20.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can only withdraw the $10 you have available.”

Customer: “But I want $20!”

Me: “I can’t give you more money than you have in your account.”

Customer: “Well at least it’s not a Nazi-controlled fish world where it’s ‘hail tuna, only what the tuna says!.'”

(The customer waits for me to reply, but I have no idea if this is some pop culture reference.)

Me: “…no. At least it’s not like that…”

Customer: “I’ll take the $10.”

(The customer leaves happily, and I never find any info on her fish world. I assume it is original, as the next week she tells me I would be ‘sweeter if I was made out of silver.’)

In Need Of A Four-Letter Word

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Money

Customer: “I forgot my account number; can you look it up?”

Me: “Sure. Just tell me how to spell your last name.”

Customer: *gives me a five-letter name*

Me: “I’m sorry; it’s not working. Are you sure it’s spelled [spells out loud]?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s right.”

Me: “I’m sorry; still nothing’s coming up. Are you certain you have an account here?”

Customer: “Yes, I just made a deposit yesterday!”

Me: “I’m sure it’s just something simple; perhaps I’ve spelled your name wrong. Can I see your ID?”

(The customer hands me their ID, at which point I see that the last name is nine letters long.)

Me: “You’ve only been giving me the first five letters of your last name.”

Customer: “What, you need my whole name?”

Blood Money

| NY, USA | Health & Body, Money

(A customer walks up to my teller window, and throws two rolls of pennies down. They are covered in wet blood. I try not to look disgusted.)

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry; I can’t accept that.”

Customer: “Why not? It’s good American money.”

Me: “I’m sure it is, but it’s covered in blood; I’m not going to touch that.”

Customer: “It’s fine; it’s just my blood.”

Me: “Excuse me while I get my manager.”

(I happily escape to the back to try to settle my stomach while the manager talks to the man.)

Manager: “Sir, we can’t accept these pennies like this.”

Customer: “It’s perfectly good American money!”

Manager: “Yes, but we can’t take it like this. If you like, I can give you new wrappers. You can re-roll the pennies, and then we can deposit them for you.”

Customer: “F*** this country! My money isn’t good in a bank; it isn’t good anywhere!” *storms out*

How To Keep Your Days From Drag(ging)-On

| FL, USA | Bizarre, Money

(I’m working at my teller window when a client with a bandaged hand comes up with a deposit.)

Me: “Hello! Welcome to [bank]. I see that you hurt your hand; were you fighting with a dragon?”

Client: “Yes, and it won.”

Me: “Was it a big dragon?”

Client: “No, it was a little one. But he didn’t play fair. He used fire!”

Me: “Oh, no! Well, better luck to you next time. Here’s your receipt. Have a wonderful day!”

Client: “You too! Thanks!” *walks out the door*

(My boss, who has been standing behind me the whole time, finally speaks up.)

Boss: “That was not normal…”

The Next Generation Versus The Last One

| IN, USA | Family & Kids

(I am visiting my friend. She has a lot of errands to run with her boyfriend. We go to the bank first. While they’re setting things up, I’m watching their daughter.)

Me: “Hey princess, what do you want to do while waiting?”

Friend’s Daughter: “Up!”

(I pick her up and twirl her around a few times while she giggles.)

Me: “Aww, you really like that! I’m gonna miss it when you’re too big for this.”

(A teller looks over and smiles at us.)

Teller: “She looks like a really happy kid.”

(I realize pretty quickly he thinks she is my daughter, but he’s being nice, so I don’t bother to correct him.)

Me: “Thanks!”

(As we talk, another customer is giving a disapproving glare both at my friend’s daughter, and at my hair, which is blonde at the ends.)

Customer: “You should be ashamed! Having a kid at your age, and setting such a bad example!”

(I’m stunned. I’m in my third year of college, and I realize I look younger than I am, but my friend’s daughter isn’t even two years old. My friends have finished with their deposit and head over.)

Me: “Hey princess, see mommy!”

Friend’s Daughter: “Mama!”

Friend: “Thanks for watching her!”

Me: “No problem!”

Customer: *embarrassed*

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