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    Should Keep Better Account Of His Account, Part 2

    | OH, USA | Money, Top

    (I am a bank teller. A senior citizen is asking to withdraw a large sum of money from his account.)

    Me: “Okay, I’ll just need to see a picture ID because of the amount you are withdrawing.”

    Customer: “Oh, my God, why?! I come in here all the time!”

    Me: “I apologize, sir. I’ll definitely make a note of this for next time. Since I do not know you, I will need to see an ID. It’s to protect me, as well as yourself.”

    Customer: “Are you f****** kidding me?! Why?! This is ridiculous! I totally come in here all the time!”

    Me: “Well, sir, in the event that someone comes in here and acts like they are you, would you want us to go ahead and take out the money and not ask for ID?”

    Customer: “Oh, my God! This is ridiculous! No one is going to do that. Give me my money now! I am not taking out my ID! You know who I am.”

    (A line has built up behind him. The customer next in line chimes in.)

    Other Customer: “Oh, my God! Quit being so ridiculous! If you really don’t care, I’ll go ahead and take money out of your account right now. I mean, what does it matter? You don’t care about your account security, so you’ll be okay with just anyone taking money out, right?”

    (The customer rolls his eyes.)

    Customer: “Whatever. No one will really do that. I’m totally going to my other bank. This is ridiculous!”

    (He steps off to the side, and the next customer comes up.)

    Other Customer: “Hello, I’d like to withdraw $1,000 from that ridiculous gentleman’s account, please! Oh, my God, like, totally give me all twenties!”

    Related:
    Should Keep Better Account Of His Account

    Free Reality Check

    | VA, USA | Bigotry

    (I am at a bank, attempting to cash my check. Two tellers are working. I get called over to the left teller while the one on the right is working with a clearly irate customer and her embarrassed teenage daughter.)

    Customer: “What do you mean there’s a five dollar service fee?”

    Teller: “Well, you don’t have an account here. For customers that don’t bank with us, we have to charge a five dollar service fee.”

    Customer: “I can just take my check to [store] and they’ll cash it for free!”

    Teller: “Actually, they will charge you a service fee as well.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe this! This is crazy! My daughter has an account here! Can she cash it?!”

    Teller: “Sure, but—”

    (The customer snatches check straight out of the teller’s hands, and slams it down in front of her daughter.)

    Customer: “Here. Sign this.”

    (The daughter signs, and the customer shoves it back in the teller’s face.)

    Teller: “Umm, she needs to sign it here. She signed it in the wrong—”

    (The customer snatches the check again, and gives it to the daughter to sign it correctly.)

    Customer: “This is absolutely ridiculous! I cannot believe how insane you people are! I’m from New England and we all know that up North this is one of the craziest places there is, but this is just stupid!”

    (By this time I have finished cashing my check, so I turn to her.)

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “I know in New England things are crazy, but here in the South we try to be polite. I would appreciate it if you apologized to this lady here.”

    (And with that, I walked out, leaving her stammering.)

    Indiscriminate Discrimi-nation, Part 2

    | Auckland, New Zealand | Bigotry

    Caller: “Can I speak with [banker name]?”

    Me: “I’m so sorry, but she’s in a meeting right now. Is there something I can help with?”

    Caller: “I’m having trouble hearing you. Can you speak up?”

    (I move my headset closer.)

    Me: “Is there anything I can help you with?”

    Caller: “Your accent is appalling! I hate talking to you Asians!”

    Me: *mild shock* “Ma’am, I’m a kiwi, born and bred.”

    Caller: “Nonsense! Where were you born?”

    Me: “At [giant public hospital in Auckland].”

    Caller: “Oh, but your parents must be Asians! They’re everywhere!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. My parents are Scottish stock, and have been here five generations.”

    Caller: “D*** you Asians!” *click*

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    Indiscriminate Discrimi-nation

    Customer, Know Thyself

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Top

    (I am a customer standing in line at the bank. Two customers behind me start complaining about the length of the line.)

    Customer #1: “Look at this! It’s ridiculous!”

    Customer #2: “They are moving so slow! The workers should get fired for being so lazy!”

    (This goes on for a couple of minutes. When I draw even with the complaining customers in the switchbacked line, I decide I can’t take it anymore and speak up.)

    Me: “Look at the windows, ladies! Every one of them has customers who didn’t take the time to fill out their slips. Now the tellers have to do it for them, and that takes twice as long! They’re the ones holding up all of us, not the nice people trying to help them!”

    (Note: I’m talking loud enough for everyone at the windows to hear, hoping maybe next time they’ll wise up.)

    Customers #1 and #2: *shocked*

    Me: “Let me guess. Wanna borrow my pen?”

    (The complaining customers sheepishly agree and fill out their slips. Three or four others in line also grab slips and start scribbling, while the customers at the windows look suitably embarrassed. When I finally get to a teller window, she leans towards me and confides in me.)

    Teller: *whispering* “Thank you, from everyone here! I wish I could save the security tape of that!”

    Non-Sufficient Dunce

    | Canada | Money

    (A customer calls in to find out why his loan has been returned “NSF”, which is short for “Non-Sufficient Funds.”)

    Me: “I see that the loan was returned on Monday as there was not enough money in the account.

    Customer: “Yeah, but it was supposed to be taken out of my account the previous Friday.”

    (I check, and he indeed did not have enough money to cover the loan on Friday.)

    Me: “That is the correct date, but it looks like the computer gave you a grace period. It gave you a few days to put the funds in the account before it tried to take it.”

    Customer: “That’s crazy! I agreed to have my payments taken every Friday. I want the loan to bounce on the Friday, not on the Monday, okay? Make my loan payment bounce on Fridays!”


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