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    Freedom Isn’t Free

    | USA | Awesome Customers, Money, Top

    (I’m a bank teller at a large national bank. A customer in her mid-twenties comes up to my till.)

    Me: “Welcome to [bank name]! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, can I find the total amount I owe for my student loans?”

    Me: “Sure, what is your full name?”

    (She gives me her name, and I give her the amount owed. It is a fairly large amount.)

    Customer: “Perfect!”

    (With a large smile, she hands me a cashier check from another bank, for the exact amount, totally paying off all loans she has with this bank. I enter the info, and print her receipt. I quickly run to the back to see my manager.)

    Me: “Can I give this customer a couple of the promotional items that we usually give to people that open checking accounts?”

    (My manager see the amount that she is paying, and that this means the customer has totally paid off the loans.)

    Manager: “You can give her whatever you want!”

    (I grab some items, and bring them back up to the till.)

    Me: “Congratulations on paying off all your loans. Here’s your receipt, and a few gifts for paying off such a large loan amount.”

    Customer: “Thank you very much! What I’m about to say has nothing to do with you; you are a great person, and thank you very much for the free gift. So, just go with everything I’m about to do.”

    Me: “…Okay?”

    (She holds up the receipt above her head, and speaks in a loud voice.)

    Customer: “Ha! Six years ago I sold my soul to this bank! But after going through the nine circles of hell, I have finally gotten free of it! I now owe you nothing, zip, zero, nada! I am free; no more bills, payments, fees, nothing. I’M FREEEEEEE!”

    (Even as she walks out the doors, she’s yelling and dancing. The dozen or so other customers and workers watch her the whole time. Another customer speaks loud enough so just about everyone can hear him.)

    Customer #2: “Raise your hand if you wish you could do that.”

    (Just about everyone else in the bank raises their hand.)

    Putting The Security Into Social Security

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Money, Top

    (I work as a collections agent for a major bank in the USA.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [major bank]; my name is Kevin. What can I—”

    Customer: “English, ass-h***! Speak English!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m speaking English.”

    Customer: “I just want to pay my [other bank's] credit card. My SSN is [number].”

    Me: “Ma’am you are calli—”

    Customer: “How you dare to interrupt me! My check account is [number] and my name is [name].”

    Me: “Miss, you are calling [major bank], not [other bank].”

    Customer: “What?! Who are you? Why are you calling me? I’m going to the police! I want your f****** name, and I want to speak with your supervisor before I go there and shoot someone!”

    Me: “Okay…”

    (I mute the headset.)

    Customer: “What are you waiting for?!”

    Me: “I’m waiting for you to tell me why you need to speak to my supervisor. If it was because you called a wrong number and said all you personal info, or maybe because you cursed at me several times, or that you, in a recorded, federal monitored line, threatened to shoot me.”

    Customer: “Oh, no! I didn’t say that!”

    (I check on the database for her full name with her SSN.)

    Me: “Okay, let me put you on hold so I can speak with my supervisor and call the police. Your full name is [full name], right? Your address is [address], and your phone is [phone number].”

    (The customer hangs up. I end up having a verbal warning from my boss, along with a free meal from him for “the funniest following-guidelines-call I have ever heard”.)

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 18

    | PA, USA | Money

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]! This is [My Name] speaking; how can I help you?”

    (I hear an elderly customer, sounding very annoyed.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I want to know the balance in my account.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. If I can just get your social—”

    Customer:“I don’t give my social to anyone!”

    Me: “Okay, that’s fine. I’ll need to get your account number, then.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (He states a number that’s far different from the norm.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, I don’t see that account. Could you repeat that?”

    Customer: “I just gave it to you! It’s [number]!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I don’t see anything in our system.”

    Customer: “What? You had better see something in your system!”

    Me: “There’s nothing here. I could try your social, and see if it will come up then.”

    (He gives me his social.)

    Me: “Hmm. I still don’t see anything here.”

    Customer: “What? How does that happen? Do you have any idea how much money I have there?”

    Me: “I have no idea, sir. Nothing is coming up that’s connected to your account number or social.”

    Customer: “Is this [Competitor's Bank]?”

    Me: “No, sir, it’s [Company Bank].”

    Customer: *click*

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

    Should Keep Better Account Of His Account, Part 2

    | OH, USA | Money, Top

    (I am a bank teller. A senior citizen is asking to withdraw a large sum of money from his account.)

    Me: “Okay, I’ll just need to see a picture ID because of the amount you are withdrawing.”

    Customer: “Oh, my God, why?! I come in here all the time!”

    Me: “I apologize, sir. I’ll definitely make a note of this for next time. Since I do not know you, I will need to see an ID. It’s to protect me, as well as yourself.”

    Customer: “Are you f****** kidding me?! Why?! This is ridiculous! I totally come in here all the time!”

    Me: “Well, sir, in the event that someone comes in here and acts like they are you, would you want us to go ahead and take out the money and not ask for ID?”

    Customer: “Oh, my God! This is ridiculous! No one is going to do that. Give me my money now! I am not taking out my ID! You know who I am.”

    (A line has built up behind him. The customer next in line chimes in.)

    Other Customer: “Oh, my God! Quit being so ridiculous! If you really don’t care, I’ll go ahead and take money out of your account right now. I mean, what does it matter? You don’t care about your account security, so you’ll be okay with just anyone taking money out, right?”

    (The customer rolls his eyes.)

    Customer: “Whatever. No one will really do that. I’m totally going to my other bank. This is ridiculous!”

    (He steps off to the side, and the next customer comes up.)

    Other Customer: “Hello, I’d like to withdraw $1,000 from that ridiculous gentleman’s account, please! Oh, my God, like, totally give me all twenties!”

    Related:
    Should Keep Better Account Of His Account

    Free Reality Check

    | VA, USA | Bigotry

    (I am at a bank, attempting to cash my check. Two tellers are working. I get called over to the left teller while the one on the right is working with a clearly irate customer and her embarrassed teenage daughter.)

    Customer: “What do you mean there’s a five dollar service fee?”

    Teller: “Well, you don’t have an account here. For customers that don’t bank with us, we have to charge a five dollar service fee.”

    Customer: “I can just take my check to [store] and they’ll cash it for free!”

    Teller: “Actually, they will charge you a service fee as well.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe this! This is crazy! My daughter has an account here! Can she cash it?!”

    Teller: “Sure, but—”

    (The customer snatches check straight out of the teller’s hands, and slams it down in front of her daughter.)

    Customer: “Here. Sign this.”

    (The daughter signs, and the customer shoves it back in the teller’s face.)

    Teller: “Umm, she needs to sign it here. She signed it in the wrong—”

    (The customer snatches the check again, and gives it to the daughter to sign it correctly.)

    Customer: “This is absolutely ridiculous! I cannot believe how insane you people are! I’m from New England and we all know that up North this is one of the craziest places there is, but this is just stupid!”

    (By this time I have finished cashing my check, so I turn to her.)

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “I know in New England things are crazy, but here in the South we try to be polite. I would appreciate it if you apologized to this lady here.”

    (And with that, I walked out, leaving her stammering.)

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