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    Taking Account Of Your Actions

    | Newcastle, NSW, Australia | Liars & Scammers, Money, Top

    (I work in telephone banking for a major bank. In our system, we can see all of the customer’s call history, from wait time, last 20 calls, who the customer spoke to, and any notes left by previous bankers.)

    Me: “Hello and welcome to [Bank]; my name is [Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Oh, thank f*** for that! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting? 35 f****** minutes! And all I wanted to do was check my balance on my credit card!”

    (I can clearly see the customer has waited a total of 25 seconds from the start of his call to speak to me.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry about any wait there, but you have come through fully identified, so thank you for putting in your customer number and access code. Now before I can—”

    Customer: “Now you just f****** wait a minute. I’ve been waiting 35 minutes to speak to you, and you aren’t even going to apologize for making me wait? What kind of f****** s*** customer service are you lot running there? Huh?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I did apologize for the wait that you experienced and I—”

    Customer: “Get your f****** manager now! I don’t have to deal with this! I demand compensation for my time and phone charges! Get your manager!”

    (I put the customer on hold and signal for a manager to take an escalated call. While I wait for my manager to arrive, I look at the customer history. I see that the customer has been with us for five years. He seems to call twice a year, and almost always demands to speak to a manager, repeatedly demanding compensation. He has been told by our relations department that they will not compensate him further because he has been given close to $2000 in refunded interest on his credit card over the five years. There is a special note from the head of the relations department simply saying ‘if customer threatens to close accounts, process request. Do not attempt win-back.’ I recap the call so far to my manager, and advise him about the notes from the relations department as well. Total wait for the caller has now been two minutes.)

    Manager: “Hello, sir, my name is [Name] and I’m a manager. How can I help?”

    Customer: “Well, hasn’t that taken you a f****** lifetime to answer?! I’m sick of this s***! I demand that I have interest repaid to my credit card or I’ll close all my accounts!”

    Manager: “Sir, I’m not going to be able to repay the interest for you, as you’ve already had close to $2000 refunded to you over the past—”

    Customer: “Well, then close my accounts! Close them now! If you can’t fulfill a simple request like that, f*** you and [Bank]! I’ll take my business elsewhere.”

    Manager: “Sir, just so I have it clear: you are formally requesting for me to close out your accounts with [Bank] right now?”

    Customer: “That’s what I f***** said; you people just—”

    Manager: “Okay, sir, as requested all your accounts are now closed. The amount you had owing on your credit card has been automatically paid from your everyday account, leaving you a balance of $52.16, which I’ll post out to you as a check. I’m sorry you’ve chosen to leave [Bank], but I hope you have a wonderful day.”

    Customer: “YOU CLOSED MY ACCOUNTS?! BUT I—”

    Manager: “You requested for them to be close on a recorded phone call where you were asked to confirm your wishes. You aren’t scamming anymore FREE money from [Bank].”

    Customer: “I…”

    Manager: “Hello?”

    Customer: *defeated* “I… err… I’ll… I’ll wait for my check.” *click*

    Didn’t Bank On That Ending

    | Eugene, OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Money, Wild & Unruly

    (It’s a particularly busy day in our bank, and I’m working the drive through window. I have a long line of cars waiting, when I hear a customer in line start shouting across the lobby at the other tellers in front.)

    Customer: “Look, I’m on my work break here! Can’t you go any faster?”

    Coworker: “We’re moving as fast as we can, ma’am. We’re a bit short-staffed today, but we’ll be with you as soon as possible.”

    Customer: “But I’m on my BREAK! I have to get back to work.”

    Coworker: *still running another customer’s transaction* “Yes, ma’am, I understand.”

    Customer: “Well, what about her? Can’t she help me? I’m in a hurry!”

    (I suddenly realize that she’s referring to me, while I’m in the middle of my fifth car in a row.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, she’s currently assisting customers in our drive through. If she becomes available, she will come to the front to help whoever she can.”

    Customer: “Well, I would have driven through myself if I knew it would take this long!”

    (I continue to help cars, and after finishing the last transaction, I go to the front to help. I get the shouting customer.)

    Coworker: “Ma’am, this deposit slip is for [Competing Bank].”

    (The customer turns BRIGHT RED and rushes out so fast you’d think she just robbed the place.)

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 24

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (I get a call from a customer who is currently $50 overdrawn on her account.)

    Me: “Yes that is correct. Your account is overdrawn $50.”

    Caller: “What if I cashed one of my checks at the local currency exchange for $50, and came and deposited the cash to cover the overdraft?”

    Me: “Unfortunately you couldn’t do that, since that would bring your overdraft to $100.”

    Caller: “But the money will be coming from the currency exchange, not my bank account!”

    Me: “While the currency exchange is giving you the cash, that check will still be eventually drawn on your account here, thereby overdrawing you another $50.”

    Me: “But it’s NOT coming out of my account! It’ll be coming from the currency exchange, so I can cover my overdraft!”

    (Sadly, the conversation continues back and forth like this for several minutes until I simply tell her:)

    Me: “Whatever you do, DO NOT cash any more checks!”

    (This, she understands.)

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 23
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 22
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 21
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 20
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 19
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 18
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

    Running Some Marriage Checks

    | OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Money

    (A man comes up to my teller window and gives me an account number that he wants to deposit a check into. I pull up the account to see that his wife is the only name on the account, but the check is written out to him.)

    Me: “Hmm, do you have an account with us? Since the check is written out to you, I would have to first deposit it into your account and then transfer it to your wife’s account.”

    (After having to explain this concept a couple more times, he gives me his own account number, and I notice just how much the check is for: almost $30,000.)

    Me: “You know, I am actually going to need to put a three-day hold on this check.”

    Husband: “What? Why?”

    Me: “It’s based on a lot of factors, like your account activity and current balance, which is not much and under $500, and that you’ve chosen to come to a branch an hour from your house, which is a little odd.”

    Husband: “What? I’ve been banking here for 30 years; you’re not putting a hold on my check. That’s just ridiculous. It’s a good check! Give it back to me. I’ll just take it somewhere where they’ll actually be happy to take my money!”

    (After several more minutes of this, I ultimately agree to not put any hold on the check and he leaves. I show the check to my supervisor a couple minutes later, who says that we ARE going to put a hold on the funds. My manager is about to call the customer to let him know, when a woman walks up to my station.)

    Wife: “Hi, I wanted to transfer my husband’s check into my account. He was just in here.”

    Me: “Oh hi, give me just a second.”

    (I grab my supervisor, who tells her that we will need to put a hold on the check, so we can’t transfer it to her account just yet.)

    Wife: “Oh that’s fine. We don’t need the money now, but my husband is just so bad with his money that he’s not allowed to touch it. That’s why we keep it in my account. Otherwise he would just spend it.”

    Me: “Oh, well thank you for understanding!”

    Wife: “Oh I don’t care. It’s not a big deal. My husband was probably not very nice about it though, was he?”

    Me: “Haha, well…”

    Wife: “Yeah, he’s not very sociable.”

    Classic Banking Withdrawal Symptoms

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (My bank offers free cookies to our customers to thank them for banking with us. Most people are polite and only take one cookie, two at the most for someone else waiting at home. One customer is notorious for going to all her local branches and taking every single cookie by dumping them in a grocery bag. Today, a coworker has just finished waiting on her while I am finishing up with a customer.)

    Me: “Is there anything else we can help you with today?”

    Customer: “Yes, what kind of cookies do you have?”

    Me: “We have peanut butter and chocolate chip. They are in a basket by the door on your way out; please help yourself!”

    (My customer heads over. Unfortunately, she’s right behind the other notorious customer with the grocery bag in her hand. He watches as the other customer picks up handful after handful of cookies and shoves them into her grocery bag and leaves, the basket now empty.)

    Me: *to my next customer* “Oh my God. I’m so sorry, sir. We just finished making a fresh batch. Would you like one or two?”

    Next Customer: *laughing* “No, no thank you. I guess it’s a sign that I don’t really need a cookie today!”

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