Caller: “How come my monthly payments have gone up?!”

Me: “The interest rate hasn’t gone up for over a year, sir. What payment are you referring to?”

Caller: “When I first got my card, I was paying $50 a month, and now I’m paying almost $300!”

Me: “My records show that your card is currently close to its credit limit, sir. That’s why the interest payment is higher, but the percentage rate hasn’t changed since you signed up for the card.”

Caller: “Hmm, okay, fine.”

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?”

Caller: “Yeah, what’s an interest rate?”

Customer: “Hi. I’d like £100.”

Me: “You’d like to make a withdrawal from your account?”

Customer: “No. Your poster outside said you’re giving people £100.”

Me: “Oh! That’s a credit we give to existing customers if they get a friend to sign up with a current account and credit their account with £1,000.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Me: “Did that answer your question?”

Customer: “I still want my £100.”

Me: “Like I said, sir, if you’re an existing customer and you get a friend to sign up, then—”

Customer: “I don’t care about all that. I don’t have an account with you guys. I just want my £100.”

Me: “I can’t do that, sir.”

Customer: “Ugh! Your poster is very misleading. £100 for £1000? That’s robbery!”

Me: “Sir, you’re coming into a bank and demanding that we hand over money. That sounds more like robbery to me!”

He sneered and stormed out.

I have recently been accepted to a graduate program overseas, and I am applying for my student visa. Part of the application requires proof that my family and I have enough funds to support me. We go to our bank with printed-off bank statements to get officially stamped.

Employee #1: “Ah, well, I’m afraid that we’re unable to accept most of these bank statements.”

Me: “Why not? The last time I was here, you guys told us that printing them off at home was the cheaper and faster option.”

Employee #1: “That’s true. However, we’ve recently updated our website and implemented some new security protocols. You have to accept them in order for your name and address to be shown on the statements and considered valid.”

We look down and, sure enough, filler has just been placed in the space where it would have our name and address. Since this has never happened before, we didn’t notice.

Mom: “Okay, is it possible for us to print these out here?”

Employee #1: “Well… let’s see. No, it shouldn’t be possible. We’re not able to access customers’ accounts directly, and for security reasons, we do not let customers use any of our computers directly.”

We discuss a bit more, but we realize there really isn’t any way around this. The employee does stamp a few of my bank statements from before the change went into effect, and she reassures us that when either of us comes back with the correct statements, we can ask for her and she will help us.

At home, I go through the new safety protocols for online banking and print off my own bank statements with my name and address. We have to wait a few days for my father to return from a trip before we can print off his, but after five days, my mom returns to the bank.

Mom: “Hello, is [Employee #1] here? She promised to help us in regards to officially certifying some bank statements.”

Employee #2: “She’s not in today, but I’d be happy to help.”

Mom: “Great. Well, we have these bank statements, and we need them officially stamped.”

Employee #2: “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m afraid that we can’t do that with statements printed from personal online banking. We can only officially authenticate statements printed by the bank itself. Now, this should take about four working days to process, and it will cost $45 per statement—”

Mom takes a deep breath and stops her right there.

Mom: “That is the exact opposite of what we were told the last time I was here. Now, I’m not going to argue with you about your protocol, but I want this sorted, and I would like to speak with the manager now.”

The manager came, and yes, it turned out that [Employee #2] had it right. The stamp [Employee #1] had used wasn’t even the right stamp. My mom was understandably frustrated by the fact that we’d lost days on the visa process because of the misinformation, but thankfully, the manager was very understanding and printed, stamped, and signed all the necessary statements in forty-five minutes, even waiving the fees.

It was probably for the best that we had to return with different statements or we would have submitted improperly validated ones and been rejected.

I used to work at a bank as a teller. Back then, we gave the customer an ID card that they had to sign on the back. If the card was signed, we could use it for ID in the future without asking the customer for additional ID. Some customers did not want to sign the card, fearing that someone would be able to use it to copy their signature. They would write “See ID” on the back, and we would ask for additional ID. Then, there was this guy.

The customer handed me his bank card, which had no signature and was blank on the back.

Me: “Sir, you will want to sign this card, or someone can use it who isn’t you.”

Customer: “I don’t want anyone copying my signature.”

Me: “Then you will want to write ‘See ID’ on the back in permanent ink.”

Customer: “I don’t want to have to show additional ID.”

Me: “Right now, if anyone finds your card, they can sign your name any way they want, and we will use it as ID. They won’t even have to make the effort to copy your signature. You will want to either sign it yourself or put ‘See ID’ on the back.”

Customer: “Are you stupid? I don’t want to show additional ID, and I don’t want to sign it so that someone else can copy my signature.”

Me: “Sir, right now, they don’t even have to try to copy your signature! They can simply sign your name in their own handwriting. This is for your protection.”

I never did get it across to the man. The next time he came in, I didn’t ask for ID because I remembered him. (The level of stupid was so high that I would never forget his face.) He, however, had forgotten me, and he spent a good portion of his time telling me about the last teller (me) he had worked with and how she had dared to ask him for ID or to sign his card.

Sigh. 

Related:
Has ID, No Idea, Part 3
Has ID, No Idea, Part 2
Has ID, No Idea

I work in a bank. I am doing some admin and can hear one side of the conversation a coworker is having with a caller.

Coworker: “Yes, sir, I would recommend you go into the branch to make that deposit.”

Pause.

Coworker: “No, sir, I can’t accept money over the phone.”

Pause.

Coworker: “I could try to explain, but it would be quicker if you went to the branch in person.”

Pause.

Coworker: “Oh, you’re right outside? Then yes, definitely go inside. They can help you.”

Pause.

Coworker: “Are you sure they said you couldn’t come inside? Maybe you misunderst—”

Pause.

Coworker: “Ah… yes, that might be it. I recommend you go back there when you’re wearing pants…”