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    If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say…

    | Waco, TX, USA |

    (While performing a normal transaction…)

    Bank customer: “When is your baby due?”

    Me, smiling: “Oh, I had my baby 5 months ago! She’s doing wonderfully.”

    Bank customer: *waves her hand around her face in a circle* “Oh, I guess you still haven’t lost your baby fat.”

    Me: “…”


    | Tennessee, USA |

    Customer: “Hey, somebody painted the wall outside the branch I use!”

    Me: “Yes sir. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Well now I don’t know my PIN number!”

    Me: “I’m sorry–I’m not sure what that has to do with the wall being painted.”

    Customer: “I wrote my PIN number on the wall beside the ATM! NOW what am I supposed to do?!?!”

    Me: “…”

    Arr, Matey! I Be Wanting Ye Gold Doubloons!

    | Irvine, CA | Top

    Me: “Welcome to xxx Bank, what can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “Do you guys sell gold here?”

    Me: “Well, our Financial Advisor can take care of all your commodity trades. Let me introduce…”

    Customer: “No, I mean do you SELL gold here?”

    Me: “Um… what do you mean exactly?”

    Customer: “Can I buy gold?”

    Me: “As in… a brick of gold?”

    Customer: “Yes, I want to buy a couple of bricks.”

    Me: “Um… no.. I believe they stopped doing that in the 1920s.”

    Customer: “Well you SHOULD!”

    Me: “… Okay.”

    Apparently, It Grows On Trees Nowadays

    | Seattle, WA |

    Disgruntled Bank Customer: “What do you mean I don’t have any money? I still have checks in my book!”

    (Customer opens up check book, showing off her blank checks)

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