Equal Opportunity Intolerance

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(At our credit union, we have one teller with a neurological disorder that causes a constant, but mild tremor in her hands.)

Customer: *shouts across the lobby* “Hey, you, are you the manager?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Then get your a** over here!”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “This woman is sitting here shaking in her g**d*** boots waiting on me and son because we are [race].”

Me: “Ma‚Äôam, I assure you she is not shaking because you are [race]. She is treating you the same way she treats every member.

Customer:¬†”NO!” *points at teller* “You are a racist! I have never seen someone so scared of [race]. This is blatant discrimination!”

Teller: “Ma‚Äôam, I have an illness that causes me mild tremors. It has nothing to do with you.”

Customer: “Well, I feel like I am being discriminated against. If you really do have an illness there should be a sign over your window telling people about it so they can avoid coming to your window so they don‚Äôt get scared and upset.”

Me: “Now that would be discrimination, right?”

Customer: *storms off*

Oh, Bite Me

| Auckland, New Zealand | Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome to ***, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to check my balance on my account.”

Me: “Okay, sir. Can I get your customer number?”

Customer: *gives number*

Me: “Okay, sir. You have a balance of $513.26, and we need to get $360.00 of this paid off immediately to avoid referral to debt collection.”

Customer: “Screw you. I’m no overstayer. Unlock my d*** account!”

Me: “Sir, we can’t unlock the account until we’ve received some form of payment.”

Customer: “F*** you man. I’m going to call your head office and have you deported.”

Me: “Um, I was born in this country, so I can’t really be deported to another country. This still won’t get your account unlocked. If you can pay–”

Customer: “Get the f***ing account turned on or I’m coming around there, and I’m going to eat you!”

Me: “Eat… me?”

Customer: “D*** right! I’m going to have you eaten and deported. We’re going to claim back our land and eat all you b**tards, then have you kicked out of the country!”

Me: “Please pay your bill. I’m terminating this call.” *click*

Always Right, Unless There’s Not Enough Light

| Harare, Zimbabwe | Uncategorized

(Note: this story takes place at a bank in Zimbabwe.)

Teller: “Good morning sir, how may I help you?”

Me: “Good morning, please may I withdraw 100 billion?”

(This is about 1 US dollar.)

Teller: “I’m very sorry sir, but we do not have enough sun.”

Me: “What!?”

Teller: “We cannot give you money because we do not have enough sun.”

Me: “Why do you need sun to give me money?”

Teller: “Oh, we are having a power cut, and the solar panel isn’t receiving enough sun to run the computers.”

Me: *laughs* “Thank you very much for the best excuse, ever.”

Teller: “You’re welcome sir, have a good day.”

And We Wonder Who Clicks On Spam…

, | Santa Ana, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [bank], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hello, I seem to have a problem with my online banking.”

Me: “Okay, I’d be happy to help…”

(I identify her and find nothing wrong with her accounts, flags or overdrafts.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not seeing anything wrong on our end. Can you describe what the problem is?”

Customer: “I don’t know what the problem is. I just got a message from you that said ‘Contact Us’.”

Me: “Okay, can you read me the message you received?”

Customer: “It says ‘Contact Us’.”

Me: “That’s all, contact us and that’s it? No explanation?”

Customer: “That’s all! It just says ‘Contact Us’ in blue letters right above my messages.”

Me: “Wait, above your messages? You mean the link?”

Customer: “The what?”

Me: “Ma’am, the blue message to contact us is a hyperlink to a blank letter. It wasn’t telling you to contact us; the link is always there for feedback, like a suggestion box.”

Customer: “Oh… well, can I please speak with your supervisor! I cannot be the only one who thought this!”

(I transfer her over and proceed to bang my head against my keyboard.)

Leonard Is Rolling Over In His Grave

| Tennessee, USA | Uncategorized

(An older lady calls in to see if we will waive the late fee on her credit card. I see several previous refunds and decide not to refund unless it’s a bank error.)

Old lady: “I’m afraid I forgot to send the payment. I just lost my husband, and it’s been such a stressful month for me.”

(I start to feel sorry for her and think maybe I can cut her a break. Then, I read the notes on the account more closely…)

Me: “Ma’am, what was your husband’s name?”

Old lady, sadly: “It was Leonard.”

Me: “Ma’am, I see that you faxed us Leonard’s death certificate two years ago, so you could remove his name from the account.”

Old lady, now indignant: “Well, it doesn’t get any easier!

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Hippocrates Is Rolling Over In His Grave

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