October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 40

, | Manchester, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Money

(I work full time in a call centre for a major UK Bank.)

Me: “Hello, you’re speaking to [My Name]. How I can help?”

Customer: “I am mad about this!”

Me: “I am sorry to hear that. How can I help?”

Customer: “Well, frankly [My Name], I understand how you can justify this! You have ruined my day completely!”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Well, like I said, I don’t understand this. I spent all the money on my credit card and I cut it up. WHY DID I RECEIVE A BILL FOR IT?!”

(There is a long pause while I attempt not to laugh at this.)

Me: “You do realize that this is money you have borrowed from the bank? It is isn’t free money!”

Customer: “But why do I have to pay? I cut it up!”

Me: “That doesn’t invalidate the bill; this is an amount you have borrowed from the bank which needs to be repaid. Just because you throw it away doesn’t cancel the debt!”

(After several attempts to explaining to customer that she needs to pay and the customer screaming like a banshee:)

Customer: “But how will I pay this? Absolutely ludicrous. You people didn’t make aware of this at all! I thought it all ended if I just cut up the card. I shouldn’t have to pay this debt if I don’t have the card! I want to make a complaint about this.”

Me: “Okay, hold the line. I will put you through to complaints.”

(I could only imagine the pain the poor man went through on the other line, and I could only hope the customer learned a valuable lesson!)

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 39
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 38
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 37

Banked That Day Off

| IL, USA | Holidays

(It’s the week of Thanksgiving. I am closing with my supervisor and another coworker. Please note that this particular coworker had an open to close shift that day and is very tired.)

Customer: *pulls up in the drive-thru* “Are you guys open on Thursday?”

Coworker: “No, we are closed for Thanksgiving. We will be open normal hours on Friday.”

Customer: “You guys should be open. What if someone needs money?”

Coworker: “Sir, will YOU be at the bank on Thursday?”

Customer: “Heck, no. I’ll be eating lots of food and spending time with my family!”

Coworker: “Exactly. And the rest of us want to do that, too. That’s why we’re not open. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Uh… no. I think I’m good.”

Coworker: “Enjoy your evening.” *customer drives off, coworker turns around to see the supervisor and me laughing our heads off*

Me: “That was great!”

Coworker: “Will I get in trouble for saying that?!”

Supervisor: “Heck, no! You tell ’em!”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 38

| Lexington, KY, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(As I finish up opening an account with the minimum opening deposit for a brand new customer at my in-store bank, I explain about EVERYTHING that I give him: disclosures, business card, signature card, and starter checks.)

Me: “Here are your starter checks. A lot of places won’t take them, since they don’t have your name or address printed on them, but they will work to get direct deposit set up with your employer; just write your name and addresses across the top of the check and VOID across the check.”

Customer: “So, I can use these to pay for things, right?”

Me: “Once you’ve deposited some more money in your account, you can order regular checks that more places will accept. Right now, you would have to check with the retailer. Some places might take them for smaller amounts.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

(Ten minutes later, a store employee calls me.)

Employee: “Can you verify a check for me? I know you aren’t supposed to, but the customer says you just told him he could write a check here.”

Me: “I can try. What’s the account and amount?”

Employee: “It’s [account I just opened] for $4,250.”

Me: “Yeah, not going to happen. Send him back up here and I’ll see if I can explain it better.”

(The customer returns.)

Customer: “Well, you gave me checks, so I figured I had better use them and get the stuff I needed. Our TV broke.”

Me: “As of right now, your account only has $25 in it, so you can’t write a check for more than that.”

Customer: “I have to put money in my account?!”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 37
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 36
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 35

Not In Concert With Her Purchases

| MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Musical Mayhem

Customer: “What is this $295 charge from [Ticket Broker]?! I did not make that!”

Me: “I can help you with that. It says they were for Beyonce tickets. Do you remember making this charge?”

Customer: “No, I did not do that!”

Me: “Did you lose your card?”

Customer: “Yes, duh!”

Me: “When was the last time you used the card?”

Customer: “I don’t know… What has that got to do with anything?”

Me: “If you lost the card, the last charge you made would be the best place to start. When did you find out the card was lost?”

Customer: “Today.”

Me: “Okay, is the $400 ATM withdrawal yesterday yours?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s mine; that was the last time I had my card. I must have lost it after that.”

Me: “Well… the [Ticket Broker] charge was done two days before that. So the charge was done before you lost the card. Are you sure you did not buy Beyonce tickets?”

Customer: “Uh… I could have. Maybe I just forgot… Bye!”

Me: *thinking, how can one forget buying concert tickets three days ago?*

Making You Feel Very Small (Talk)

| NM, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

(This was a few years ago when I was a receptionist at a bank. Sometimes people would come in and ignore friendly conversation. After a while, this gets on my nerves. I had a few ways of dealing with people like this.)

Me: “Good morning, sir! How are you doing today?”

Customer: “Karen.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Karen.”

Me: “Are you dropping something off for Karen? Picking something up from Karen? Does Karen have paperwork for you to sign? Do you have paperwork for Karen to sign? Does Karen need to notarize something for you? Is Karen opening an account for you? Do you need Karen to do a Signature Guarantee for you? Is Karen closing an account for you? Do you have a meeting with Karen? Would you like to speak with Karen?”

Customer: “Uh… meeting.”

Me: *with a sigh* “Okay.”

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