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    Telltale Sign of A Good Teller

    | OH, USA | Bigotry, Money

    (I am only 19 when I start working for a large financial institution. After almost two years experience with the bank, at 21, I am still the youngest employee in the branch. I am working in the lobby with another teller who has just transferred into a branch after her position was eliminated in the back office, since she was within a year of retirement age.)

    Me: *to customer waiting in line* “Hi. How are you doing today? What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “I have a question about this transaction. I think I should probably wait for the other teller.”

    Me: “Are you sure? I would be more than happy to help you with your transaction.”

    Customer: “I think the other teller would be able to help with this. I don’t think you would know the answer. She’s been here longer so knows more than you do.”

    Me: “If you would prefer to wait for [coworker], you are more than welcome to.”

    (My coworker is still trying to get used to our DOS based system. I proceed to help the next four customers waiting in line. By the time the customer goes to my coworker’s window, I am just finishing up with the fifth and last customer in the line.)

    Customer: “I have a question about a transaction that was on my overdraft protection account. Can you look into what happened?”

    Coworker: “[My Name], how do I look that up?”

    Me: “Go into [system acronym] and type in the command [more acronyms]. The account summary will be the first screen and the history is on the next.”

    (The customer stares silently.)

    Me: “I guess I would have been able to help you after all, sir.”

    (At least he had the good sense to look a bit sheepish after that.)

    Upend The Send

    | OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (Our branch has just got a new drive through carrier system. The old system had canisters that opened the long way by flipping open but this new system has canisters that open by twisting the ends. All of the employees have been talking customers through the difference all week.)

    Me: “Hello. How are you doing today?”

    Customer: “How do I open this canister?!”

    Me: “It is different than the old canisters. These canisters open by twisting the ends. Once you’re set, send it in and I can get that taken care of for you.”

    Customer: “Well, how do I send it in?”

    Me: “Press ‘send,’ sir.”

    Customer: *dinging call button* “What does this ‘call teller’ button do?”

    Me: “It calls a teller, sir.”

    Customer: *dinging call button* “I put it in there, why won’t it go?”

    Me: “Press ‘send,’ sir.”

    Customer: *dinging call button* “It won’t go!”

    Me: “You’re pushing call…”

    Customer: “Why?!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Thinking Way Outside The Box

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (It was getting to the end of the day at the bank. One of my tellers and a banker are in the drive-thru, starting to pack things up, when a customer pulls into one of the farthest lanes from the building.)

    Customer: “I need to get into my safe deposit box.”

    Teller: “Sure thing. I can let one of the bankers know that you will be coming in to get into your box.”

    Customer: “No. I’m not coming in. I just want to get into my safe deposit box.”

    Teller: “Well the safe deposit boxes are inside. They are inside the vault. The only way to get in the box is to go in the vault.”

    Customer: “I know. I told you I am not coming inside. I just need to get into my safe deposit box.”

    Teller: “How are you going to get your box out of the vault that is inside if you don’t come inside? Bank employees don’t have access to the safe deposit boxes because they contain your property. YOU have the key.”

    Customer: “LOOK I TOLD YOU I’M NOT COMING INSIDE. ARE YOU GOING TO GET MY SAFE DEPOSIT BOX OR NOT?!”

    Teller: “Seriously?”

    Just Paper Cut Right To It

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Rude & Risque

    (I answer the phone at work.)

    Customer: “Hi. My name is [Name] and I am with [Gentlemen's Club].  I am going to need to order some change.”

    Me: “Okay. What will you need?”

    Customer: “I need $1,400 in old ones.”

    Me: “I believe I have $1,400 in ones, but I am not sure if they are all old.”

    Customer: “Oh, I have to have old ‘ones’ because the new ones give the strippers paper cuts.”

    A Truly Confusing Exchange

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology, Tourists/Travel

    (I have a customer who is getting ready to travel out of the country. I often have people ask about using cash, travelers checks, and credit cards while abroad.)

    Me: “… Another option that is available to you is using ATMs to get cash out once you are where you are going. That way you aren’t walking around and traveling with a large sum of cash.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I can get some money and exchange it at a bank there.”

    Me: “No, you can just get the money from the ATM directly without having to

    exchange it.”

    Customer: “But the money I get from the ATM is US dollar.”

    Me: “No, the ATM dispenses the local currency.”

    Customer: “Why can’t I get money from an ATM when I’m out of the country?”

    Me: “You can. It will just be in the local currency.”

    Customer: “This is unacceptable! Why can’t I get US money from an ATM?!”

    Me: “Because the ATM is not in the US. The same reason our ATM out front does not dispense any money other than US currency.”

    Customer: “I just can’t understand why I can’t get my money when I’m traveling!”

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