Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Your Connection Is Totally Forked
    (2,104 thumbs up)
  • November Theme Of The Month: I Don't Work Here!
    Submit your story today!

    You Drive Me Crazy

    | New Jersey, USA |

    (A customer is trying to make a deposit through the drive-up part of the branch, but he’s on foot. Note that we also have a small lobby for walk-in customers.)

    Me: “Sorry, sir, this is for cars only. Can you come inside so we can process your transaction?”

    Customer: “What difference does it make?”

    Me: “It’s against our policy for customers to be on foot at the drive-up window.”

    (The customer walks backward, puts his hands as if he was steering a car and walks up to the window again.)

    Customer: “VROOM, VROOM! I’m in a car now. Will you help me?”

    Credit X-Rating

    | North Carolina, USA |

    Me: “Hello and thank you for calling [company]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need a loan. What do I need to do?”

    (I take her information over the phone and tell her I would give her a call back after I review it with any questions that I had. The customer calls back 10 minutes later.)

    Me: “I’m sorry Ms. ***. I have not been able to completely finish, but so far it looks like we would not be able to proceed with the loan.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not?”

    Me: “From what it looks like, there are quite a few collections from [adult subscriptions] and [porn site subscriptions] that are dropping your score.”

    Customer: “That cannot be! I would know if I had wanted things like that!”

    Me: “From your application, I notice that you also have a teenage son that lives with you.”

    Customer: “D***! I knew that it was too good of him to get the mail for me!” *click*

    How About Ten To The Durrrrr

    | Fort Worth, TX, USA |

    Me: “Hello, welcome to *** Bank. What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “I want to withdraw ten hundred dollars.”

    Me: “Ten hundred? Is that one thousand?”

    Customer: “Don’t say that so loud! I don’t want people to think I’m getting one thousand. That’s why I said ten hundred!”

    Stupidity You Can Bank On

    | Denver, CO, USA |

    Me: “Hello, this is [Bank] how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I deposited money through your ATM machine yesterday and it still isn’t showing up in my account.”

    Me: “Okay, sir, can I just get the card number from the ATM card that you used to make the deposit.”

    Customer: “I didn’t use a card.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, I might have misunderstood. Did you make your deposit into the ATM or the night drop box?”

    Customer: “No, I put it into your machine but I didn’t use a card. I didn’t need one.”

    Me: “Sir, I still don’t understand how you could have made your deposit into the ATM without using a card. Could you please describe the steps you went through?”

    Customer: “I drove up to the machine, filled out an envelope and stuffed it into the little door that said deposit but I didn’t use no card.”

    Me: “Sir, the deposit door on the machine will not open without a card. How exactly did you put the envelope in?”

    Customer: “Whoever designed those machines is a freaking moron. I couldn’t figure out how to open the little door so I got my pocket knife out and pried the door open. Then I stuffed the envelope with my deposit in there as best I could and drove away!”

    Menage A Fraud

    | North Carolina, USA |

    (I am filling out a fraudulent charge claim for a customer.)

    Customer: “There’s a charge on my statement for some medical thing and I never bought it.”

    (Note: the ‘medical thing’ is for ‘male enhancement’.)

    Me: “Okay, we can go ahead and file a fraud claim for you. So, just to verify, you never purchased anything from this company, correct?”

    Customer: “I never got anything from them!”

    Me: “Okay, so you purchased it, but you didn’t receive it?”

    Customer: “Well, it didn’t work! Not that I need it.”

    Me: “Okay, so you did receive it?”

    Customer: “No! I didn’t order it! I don’t need it! And it didn’t work!”

    Me: “Sir, you have to pick one. You didn’t order it, you didn’t receive it, or it didn’t work. But it has to be one; it can’t be all three.”

    Customer: “All of them!”

    Page 18/24First...1617181920...Last