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    Being Buried In Your Mortgage

    | Beaverton, OR, USA | Uncategorized

    (I specialize in modifying loans to make an existing payment more manageable. These are called ‘loan modifications’.)

    Customer: “I’m calling for a ‘remortification’.”

    Me: *joking* “Okay, so you were previously mortified?”

    Customer: “Yes, once before. My payments are too high now. I need to be mortified again.”

    Kill Bill

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Can I trade you for a better looking bill?”

    (The customer hands me a nearly destroyed $20 bill.)

    Me: “Sure!”

    (I hand him a cleaner bill.)

    Customer: “No, this isn’t what I want. Don’t you have any new ones?”

    Me: “We only order new bills at the end of the year. Do you want me to see if I have a newer looking one?”

    Customer: “Wait, you order the bills? I thought you printed them yourself in the back.”

    Me: “No. That’s actually illegal, ma’am.”

    Customer: “But my son does it all the time!”

    Ink Isn’t The Only Thing Running Low

    , | Location undisclosed | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Whenever I try to print my statement from your website, it always comes out really light. I don’t have this problem with other websites. Are you guys out of ink?”

    Me: “No. Are you using your home computer?”

    Customer: “Yes. I already called the ink cartridge company. They said it’s not their fault.”

    Me: “Well, if you’re trying to print at home, it’s a problem with your home computer. Our printers are working just fine.”

    Customer: “So, you’re not out of ink?”

    Me: “No. Maybe you should have someone look at your computer’s settings.”

    Customer: “Should I call the ink cartridge company again?”

    Me: “I don’t think that will fix it.”

    Customer: “Okay. I’ll call the ink cartridge company again. Thanks! Bye!”

    Banking Error

    | Malaysia | Top

    Me: “Here’s your new bank card. You will be able to change your PIN number at the ATM.”

    Customer: “PIN number is a redundant phrase. It’s like ‘personal identification number’, number. You work in a bank. You ought to know that by now.”

    Me: “You’re right, sir.”

    Customer: *smirks* “I’m always right. So, where’s the ATM machine?”

    Her Banking Days Are Numbered

    | OH, USA | Uncategorized

    Caller: “Why does the automated system say it can’t find my card!? I’ve been complaining about this for months now, and I’m really disappointed it isn’t fixed!”

    Me: “Sorry to hear that. Let me see what I can find. Can I have your card number, please?”

    (The caller reads off 12 numbers.)

    Me: “And the last 4?”

    Caller: “Oh! You need all 16? Do you suppose that’s why it couldn’t find my account?”

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