The Bank Appreciates Your Donation

| South Boston, MA, USA | Money

Customer: “The ATM won’t take my check for deposit!”

Me: “I’m sorry for the inconvenience. I’ll deposit it right now for you.”

(I start filling out a deposit slip as the customer continues complaining.)

Customer: “Your stupid ATMs never work. I always have problems with them!”

Me: “If you’ll just slide your bank card for me, I’ll be able to get your account number and make the deposit.”

Customer: “I need an account to make a deposit?!”

Got Love In The Bank

| UK | Health & Body, Top

(I’m answering the phone at the bank I work at. Note that 999 is the emergency number in England.)

Me: “Hello, it’s Katy at [bank]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “My husband’s having a heart attack.”

Me: “You need to call 999.”

Customer: “I’d like to take his name off the bank account.”

Me: “Call 999.”

Customer: “No, I want him to die. So, can you just take his name off?

Me: “No, call 999!”

Customer: “Take his name off!”

Me: “Not unless he comes to the bank and signs it. Right now, you need to call 999.”

Customer: “We’ll be right there.”

Me: “No! Call 999!”

(Two minutes later, a woman comes in and speaks to my coworker.)

Customer: “I think my husband’s dead.”

Coworker: “Erm…have you called an ambulance?”

Customer: “No, because your employee Katy said to come here and not call 999!”

Me:“No, I didn’t! I’ve got the call recorded and I specifically told you to call 999! Where is your husband?”

Customer: “In the car.”

(I go outside and see an unconscious man in a car. I call an ambulance and they take him to the hospital. Several weeks later, the man comes in to sign a form. It states that he doesn’t want to share a bank account with his now ex-wife.)

Related:
She’s Nuts About Her Husband
Through Joy And Sorrow, Sickness And Health Insurance

A Gay A Day Keeps The Terror Away

| Illinois, USA | Bizarre, Top

(I’m a bank teller. I have just politely told a customer I could not cash his friend’s check without his friend present.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous! Why would I lie? This is a good check.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I can only give the money to the person whose name is on the check. It’s nothing personal. It’s just a bank regulation to protect against fraud.”

Customer: “Oh, I get it. All this 9/11 crap, huh?”

Me: “Ha, yeah.”

Customer: “You know, people say that those terrorists want to kill Americans because we have gay people here, but that’s not true.”

Me: “Oh, yeah?”

Customer: “Yeah, we should be blaming heterosexual people. They’re the ones giving birth to those d*** terrorists!”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Well, have a good day. Try to become a lesbian…for America’s sake!”

Hard On Yourself During Hard Times

| Rhode Island, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Sir, is there a reason you write five checks to yourself every month?”

Customer: “It’s to make the five transactions each month so I avoid your maintenance fee. It’s a hassle.”

Me: “I see. Well, you could also just use your debit card at stores five times a month or make ATM withdrawals instead of writing the checks. Those all count as well.”

Customer: “I can’t do that.”

Me: “Why not?”

Customer: “My debit card doesn’t work.”

Me: “I can look at it for you.”

Customer: “No, it works. It just doesn’t work the way everyone else’s does.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “My debit card only works at Gulf gas stations and nowhere else.”

Me: “Umm…”

Customer: “My card isn’t like anyone else’s. My card is different.”

Me: “Sir, your card should work anywhere you present it. Why do you think it’s not the same?”

Customer: “Because I’m a deadbeat loser on unemployment and can’t find a godd*** job!”

Deposit Your Checks And Emotions Here

| Madison, WI, USA | Rude & Risque

Me: “You have [amount] available on your debit card.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

Me: “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Customer: “Yeah, make the past not happen.”

Me: “I wish I could!”

Customer: “Yeah, especially ’cause I just broke up with my girlfriend.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Customer: “After three years!”

Me: “Oh, that’s tough. Well, keep your chin up.”

Customer: “Yeah, she called me while she was having sex with some other guy.”

Me: *speechless*

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