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    Long Gone And Moved On

    | SF Bay Area, CA, USA | Money

    Customer: *shouting* “What does it take to use an ATM around here?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “I said, what does it take to use an ATM around here?”

    Me: “Well, first, you would need to insert your ATM card into the machine and enter in your PIN. Do you have–-”

    Customer: *shouting* “I can’t believe this! I put my card in, and it won’t let me get any money.”

    (By this time, everyone is staring. I notice that the card he was holding was a Washington Mutual ATM card. WaMu has been dead for years.)

    Me: “Sir, I believe it didn’t work because–”

    Customer: “This bank is so stupid! Nothing here works. I am switching banks!” *storms off*

    Monolingual Morons

    | Cape Cod, MA, USA |

    (Our line has signs marked enter and exit in both English and Spanish. A elderly gentleman is waiting at the exit sign while a line forms at the enter sign.)

    Me: “Sir, I would be happy to help you, but you will need to get in line by the “enter” sign.”

    Customer: “How would I know where that is? I don’t speak Spanish.”

    Me: “Yes, but the sign is in English and Spanish and the English word is on top.”

    Customer: “But I can’t read this sign. It’s in Spanish.”

    Me: “And English.”

    Customer: “I don’t read Spanish!”

    No Country For Old (Wo)men

    | USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am on the phone helping a woman with her account.)

    Me: “Lastly, before we continue, I need some additional information. What is your country of citizenship?”

    Customer: “New York.”

    Me: “Right, your state is New York. What is your country?”

    Customer: “Oh! Manhattan.”

    Me: “Manhattan is not a country, it’s an island. What country are you a citizen of?”

    Customer: “I’m not. New York. Manhattan. I don’t know.”

    Me: “So, you pledge allegiance to the flag of…?”

    Customer: “I don’t know! Hold on.”

    (I can hear her asking a woman near her.)

    Customer: “My friend doesn’t know either!”

    The Bank Appreciates Your Donation

    | South Boston, MA, USA | Money

    Customer: “The ATM won’t take my check for deposit!”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the inconvenience. I’ll deposit it right now for you.”

    (I start filling out a deposit slip as the customer continues complaining.)

    Customer: “Your stupid ATMs never work. I always have problems with them!”

    Me: “If you’ll just slide your bank card for me, I’ll be able to get your account number and make the deposit.”

    Customer: “I need an account to make a deposit?!”

    Got Love In The Bank

    | UK | Health & Body, Top

    (I’m answering the phone at the bank I work at. Note that 999 is the emergency number in England.)

    Me: “Hello, it’s Katy at [bank]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “My husband’s having a heart attack.”

    Me: “You need to call 999.”

    Customer: “I’d like to take his name off the bank account.”

    Me: “Call 999.”

    Customer: “No, I want him to die. So, can you just take his name off?

    Me: “No, call 999!”

    Customer: “Take his name off!”

    Me: “Not unless he comes to the bank and signs it. Right now, you need to call 999.”

    Customer: “We’ll be right there.”

    Me: “No! Call 999!”

    (Two minutes later, a woman comes in and speaks to my coworker.)

    Customer: “I think my husband’s dead.”

    Coworker: “Erm…have you called an ambulance?”

    Customer: “No, because your employee Katy said to come here and not call 999!”

    Me:“No, I didn’t! I’ve got the call recorded and I specifically told you to call 999! Where is your husband?”

    Customer: “In the car.”

    (I go outside and see an unconscious man in a car. I call an ambulance and they take him to the hospital. Several weeks later, the man comes in to sign a form. It states that he doesn’t want to share a bank account with his now ex-wife.)

    Related:
    She’s Nuts About Her Husband
    Through Joy And Sorrow, Sickness And Health Insurance

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