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    The Bank Appreciates Your Donation, Part 2

    | Shoreview, MN, USA | Money

    (I work in the personnel assistance phone queue. Basically, it means I take escalated calls from angry customers.)

    Customer: “My deposit is missing.”

    Me: “Okay, was it a branch deposit or an ATM deposit?”

    Customer: “I went through the drive-through at your bank branch and made my deposit. It’s not in my flipping account yet and I need it now!”

    Me: “Okay, I’d be happy to take a look at it. What’s your account number?”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t have an account with your bank…”

    Related:
    The Bank Appreciates Your Donation

    Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind, Part 2

    | Ohio, USA | Money

    (This customer’s account has been overdrawn for over a month. This is due to several ATM withdrawals when she didn’t have the money in her account.)

    Customer: “You need to refund these overdraft fees because you never notified me that I was overdrawn.”

    Me: “According to the notes on your account, you called us every time before you made a withdrawal. Every time, a rep told you that you’d get a fee if you didn’t make a deposit to cover it the following day.”

    Customer: “Nope, you never informed me of any fees. Yeah, I took $500 I didn’t have in the account, but I shouldn’t get fees because you never notified me of any fees. Refund them now!”

    Me: “We also called you every day over the past month. We sent you a text and email alert every day. We also sent you 10 letters letting you know that your account is overdrawn. You will continue to get fees until you deposit enough money to cover the negative balance.”

    Customer: “I throw away all my mail from you because I think it’s junk. I don’t check my email and I ignore your texts, so it’s not my fault that I didn’t know I was getting fees. Refund them now, because I wasn’t notified of the fees!”

    Me: “Yeah, no. That’s not going to happen.”

    Customer: “But you never notified me!”

    Related:
    Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind

    Long Gone And Moved On

    | SF Bay Area, CA, USA | Money

    Customer: *shouting* “What does it take to use an ATM around here?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “I said, what does it take to use an ATM around here?”

    Me: “Well, first, you would need to insert your ATM card into the machine and enter in your PIN. Do you have–-”

    Customer: *shouting* “I can’t believe this! I put my card in, and it won’t let me get any money.”

    (By this time, everyone is staring. I notice that the card he was holding was a Washington Mutual ATM card. WaMu has been dead for years.)

    Me: “Sir, I believe it didn’t work because–”

    Customer: “This bank is so stupid! Nothing here works. I am switching banks!” *storms off*

    Monolingual Morons

    | Cape Cod, MA, USA |

    (Our line has signs marked enter and exit in both English and Spanish. A elderly gentleman is waiting at the exit sign while a line forms at the enter sign.)

    Me: “Sir, I would be happy to help you, but you will need to get in line by the “enter” sign.”

    Customer: “How would I know where that is? I don’t speak Spanish.”

    Me: “Yes, but the sign is in English and Spanish and the English word is on top.”

    Customer: “But I can’t read this sign. It’s in Spanish.”

    Me: “And English.”

    Customer: “I don’t read Spanish!”

    No Country For Old (Wo)men

    | USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am on the phone helping a woman with her account.)

    Me: “Lastly, before we continue, I need some additional information. What is your country of citizenship?”

    Customer: “New York.”

    Me: “Right, your state is New York. What is your country?”

    Customer: “Oh! Manhattan.”

    Me: “Manhattan is not a country, it’s an island. What country are you a citizen of?”

    Customer: “I’m not. New York. Manhattan. I don’t know.”

    Me: “So, you pledge allegiance to the flag of…?”

    Customer: “I don’t know! Hold on.”

    (I can hear her asking a woman near her.)

    Customer: “My friend doesn’t know either!”


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