Spelling Disasters! This week, we share five stories of customers with spelling so bad, they need it spelled out for them!
- Their Spelling Is Wrong, But They Are Sticking To It:
E is for Elmer’s Eskimos—you know, the ones that live in Eglues!
- It’s Spelled I-d-i-o-t:
Welcome to Indiamimbindokiamn, Indiana. Population: Stupid!
- I Have Lost A Dream:
A lost customer does battle with an abbreviation—and loses.
Congra-du-lations, your cake’s spelling is a lie!
- Spelling Gone Rogue:
Somehow, “going rouge” doesn’t have the same ring to it.
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PS #2: Read more roundups here!
(Our bakery is situated in a large outlet mall which attracts a lot of tourists. Our chocolate croissants are labeled as “pain au choc.”)
Me: “Hi there! Can I get you anything?”
Customer: “Hello, can I have one choc?”
Me: “We have a few chocolate things. What’s the full name?”
Customer: “I want…your pain.”
Customer: “Can I have this loaf of bread sliced?”
Me: “Absolutely. Would you like that sliced thin or regular?”
Customer: “Well, I don’t know what you call it, but I want it sliced like this…”
(He pulls slice of bread from his pocket and hands it to me.)
Customer: “You can keep that. The wife and I couldn’t agree on how thick it was, so I thought it would be best to bring in a piece from the last loaf and let an expert look at it. ”
(At this point I’m a little dumbfounded, and trying hard to keep a straight face.)
Customer: “Yeah, the wife’s idea of four inches and my idea of four inches aren’t exactly the same thing, if you know what I mean.”
(I slice the loaf of bread for the man and hand it to him.)
Me: *laughing* “Here’s your bread, sir. Have a nice day.”
Manager: *laughing* “You’re gonna love this. There was a complaint against you.”
Me: “Oh, okay?”
Manager: “Apparently you…um, package bread sticks suggestively.”
Manager: “Yeah. This is what the actual complaint says: ‘She slid the bread stick into the paper bag while looking at my husband and smiling. I just know she was trying to flirt with him! We couldn’t even eat it, thanks to that hussy!’”
(My manager and I crack up laughing. I’m a lesbian.)
(A customer, more intent on small talk than shopping, wanders into the bakery.)
Customer: “So, you have a stove in your bakery?”
Customer: “I run a thrift store. We’re looking for stoves. I’m gonna need a stove when I move.”
Customer: “Yeah, I’m building a church up on the mountain for when the famine hits. People will need a place to go, y’know?”
Me: “Um…yeah…that’s a good idea.”
Customer: “Yeah. It’ll be a church and thrift shop. Gotta diversify. You should do more than just baking at your bakery.”
Me: “We’ll take that into consideration…”
Customer: “Yeah, I was talking to my boss. You know how everyone thinks the world will end in 2012? Well, my boss told me to change that to 2011 in the US!”
Customer: “Yeah, there’s going to be a huge famine and everyone is going to die!”
Me: “Well, thanks for the warning. Have a nice day!”