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    Weekend Roundup: Spelling Disasters

    , , , | Not Always Right | Language & Words, Roundups

    Spelling Disasters! This week, we share five stories of customers with spelling so bad, they need it spelled out for them!

    1. Their Spelling Is Wrong, But They Are Sticking To It:
      E is for Elmer’s Eskimos—you know, the ones that live in Eglues!
    2. It’s Spelled I-d-i-o-t:
      Welcome to Indiamimbindokiamn, Indiana. Population: Stupid!
    3. I Have Lost A Dream:
      A lost customer does battle with an abbreviation—and loses.
    4. Congra-duh-lations:
      Congra-du-lations, your cake’s spelling is a lie!
    5. Spelling Gone Rogue:
      Somehow, “going rouge” doesn’t have the same ring to it.

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    I Also Want Your Love And Your Revenge

    | Gold Coast, Australia | Food & Drink

    (Our bakery is situated in a large outlet mall which attracts a lot of tourists. Our chocolate croissants are labeled as “pain au choc.”)

    Me: “Hi there! Can I get you anything?”

    Customer: “Hello, can I have one choc?”

    Me: “We have a few chocolate things. What’s the full name?”

    Customer: “I want…your pain.”

    Someone’s Been Sliced Down To Size

    | Sarasota, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners

    Customer: “Can I have this loaf of bread sliced?”

    Me: “Absolutely. Would you like that sliced thin or regular?”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t know what you call it, but I want it sliced like this…”

    (He pulls slice of bread from his pocket and hands it to me.)

    Customer: “You can keep that. The wife and I couldn’t agree on how thick it was, so I thought it would be best to bring in a piece from the last loaf and let an expert look at it. ”

    (At this point I’m a little dumbfounded, and trying hard to keep a straight face.)

    Customer: “Yeah, the wife’s idea of four inches and my idea of four inches aren’t exactly the same thing, if you know what I mean.”

    (I slice the loaf of bread for the man and hand it to him.)

    Me: *laughing* “Here’s your bread, sir. Have a nice day.”

    Bread Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

    | Australia | Rude & Risque, Top

    Manager: *laughing* “You’re gonna love this. There was a complaint against you.”

    Me: “Oh, okay?”

    Manager: “Apparently you…um, package bread sticks suggestively.”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Manager: “Yeah. This is what the actual complaint says: ‘She slid the bread stick into the paper bag while looking at my husband and smiling. I just know she was trying to flirt with him! We couldn’t even eat it, thanks to that hussy!’”

    (My manager and I crack up laughing. I’m a lesbian.)

    And…We’re Still Here (Happy New Year, Everyone!)

    | Vermont, USA | Bizarre

    (A customer, more intent on small talk than shopping, wanders into the bakery.)

    Customer: “So, you have a stove in your bakery?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Customer: “I run a thrift store. We’re looking for stoves. I’m gonna need a stove when I move.”

    Me: “Oh?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m building a church up on the mountain for when the famine hits. People will need a place to go, y’know?”

    Me: “Um…yeah…that’s a good idea.”

    Customer: “Yeah. It’ll be a church and thrift shop. Gotta diversify. You should do more than just baking at your bakery.”

    Me: “We’ll take that into consideration…”

    Customer: “Yeah, I was talking to my boss. You know how everyone thinks the world will end in 2012? Well, my boss told me to change that to 2011 in the US!”

    Me: “Oh.”

    Customer: “Yeah, there’s going to be a huge famine and everyone is going to die!”

    Me: “Well, thanks for the warning. Have a nice day!”

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