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    Fresh Bread, Stale Attitude

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I work at a piroshky bakery and have just started my morning shift. A customer comes in with a very obnoxious, self-important attitude.)

    Me: “Good morning, sir! What can I get for you today?”

    Self-important Customer: “What’s your freshest thing?”

    Me: “Well, we just opened so everything is fresh out of the oven. I could warm one up if it’s not warm enough for you.”

    Self-important Customer: *shakes his head* “No, I don’t want it warmed up.”

    (He looks behind me to our rack where we put our piroshkies until we need to set them out.)

    Self-important Customer: *points to rack* “What’s that there on the top?”

    Me: “Those are our potato mushrooms, sir, although they’ve been out of the oven about the same time as our others so it’d be easier if I just got you one from—”

    Self-important Customer: “No, I want one from back there.”

    (I mentally sigh but go ahead and do as he asks since it’s a slow morning and there’s only a couple people in line. I turn to grab his order but he stops me.)

    Self-important Customer: “Wait!” *points at rack again* “What are those?”

    (There are at least 7 different types of piroshkies on the rack.)

    Me: “Um, which ones, sir?”

    Self-important Customer: “Those ones!”

    (I look at him quizzically.)

    Self-important Customer: “The ones on the second row!”

    Me: “Oh, those are our Moscows. They’ve got Bavarian cream and Cream of Wheat in it which gives it—”

    Self-important Customer: “I’ll take one of those.”

    (We haven’t set one out yet, so my supervisor has to take out the whole pan and sprinkle powdered sugar on it. I grab everything for him and bag it up.)

    Me: “All right, sir. Is there anything else I can get for you?”

    Self-important Customer: “No, that’ll be all.”

    (He pays and leaves. I run through a couple more customers until I get to a young guy.)

    Young Guy: *saunters up to the counter* “Hey so, uh, what’s the freshest thing you got here?”

    Me: “Pretty much everything just came out the oven.”

    Young Guy: “Yeah, but I want really fresh, and like, potato mushroom.”

    (I sort of stare at him then move to grab a potato mushroom. He starts laughing.)

    Young Guy: “I’m just kidding with you, man. Did you see that guy?” *begins to imitate him* “I want the freshest thing you got!” *goes back to normal* “You’re in a bakery in the morning, man, everything’s fresh!”

    (At this point everyone in the bakery is laughing. I get his order, still chuckling, and bag everything up for him.)

    Me: “That’s going to be [price], please.”

    (He pays and my supervisor steps up.)

    Supervisor: “Wait, give him one for free. That was too funny!”

    Failing To Register

    | Bowie, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (It’s early morning and we have just two people working, one person to take money, the other to get the order. This is how we are trained to work, and we function quickly and efficiently this way. A regular customer has begun complaining about the way we run the bakery every day she comes in, and has tried several times to cut in line. On this day, she cuts in front of another customer I’m serving to complain yet again.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but she is ordering with me right now. It’ll be just a moment.”

    Regular: *steps off in a huff* “Why are two people helping one customer? You need to open another register.”

    (After the other customer is done, the regular rushes to my register again.)

    Me: “Good morning.”

    Regular: “Why do you need two people to help one person? It’s bad business!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. What would you like today?”

    Regular: *gives her order* “You people have become so slow! You used to be good, but recently you’ve been giving really terrible service.”

    (I want to explain that this is the slowest month of the year, and the management has cut the amount of staff in half to accommodate for the lack of business and ease up on labor costs, but I don’t want to start an argument.)

    Me: *repeats her order* “Would you like anything else today, ma’am?”

    Regular: “No. You need to have more registers open, it’s bad business!”

    Me: “That’ll be [price]; for here or to go?”

    (She gives me the money as she continues to rant about how slow we’ve gotten and then turns away in a huff. Meanwhile, there’s another regular, a city police officer, who is sitting at the table immediately next to my register. She stands up and watches the regular stomp away.)

    Officer: “Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

    Me: *whispering* “She’s like that every day!”

    Officer: “Really?”

    (I turn and discover that the first regular has flagged down my manager, and is continuing her rant loudly.)

    Me: *still whispering* “Oh, great, now she’s harassing him.”

    Officer: *loudly and in the regular’s direction* “There is nothing wrong with how these young ladies run this business! Leave them alone! If you have a problem with them or this establishment, you can go somewhere else!”

    (All I could do was stare as the regular leaves with her food as quickly as possible; I haven’t seen her since!)

    A Couple Of Annoying Squirts

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Top

    (Our shop is pretty quiet at the moment. The only customer in it is a twenty-something woman, eating her meal and reading a book. Two boys, about fifteen and thirteen, come in carrying what appears to be badly painted water pistols.)

    Older Boy: Yo, b****! This is a stick up!

    Younger Boy: “Yeah, give us all your money! Empty the register.”

    (At this point, the woman looks up. She gets a very angry look on her face.)

    Me: “Those aren’t real guns.”

    Older Boy: “F***, yeah, they are! Hurry up!”

    (The woman walks over to them and taps the older boy on the shoulder.)

    Older Boy: *turns around* “What the?”

    (He freezes and stutters for words. The woman smacks the other boy’s head with her book.)

    Woman: “What the h*** do you two think you’re doing? Are those squirt guns?”

    (Both boys look shocked. The older one is beet red and the younger one is actually crying.)

    Woman: “Go to the corner, right this instant! I’m calling your mother.”

    (Both boys go to sit in the corner of the restaurant.)

    Woman: “Ah! Apologize to this nice lady first!”

    Both Boys: “S…s…sorry!”

    Woman: “Now go stand in that corner and face the wall!”

    (Both boys obey and stand against the wall. The woman then turns back to me.)

    Woman: “I’m sorry, I really am.”

    (The woman proceeds to call their mother, who shows up five minutes later and hauls both boys out. Apparently, the woman is their aunt. She left us two twenty dollar bills in our tip jar!)

    The Absence Of The Lambs

    | Dunedin, New Zealand | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Do you have any mutton pies?”

    Me: “No, sorry we don’t.”

    Customer: “I’ll have one of your mutton pies, thanks.”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t have any mutton pies.”

    Customer: “Are your mutton pies done in the Scotch style?”

    Me: “No… because we don’t have any.”

    Customer: “Can I grab two of the mutton pies, then?”

    Me: “No, because we haven’t got any. I don’t even think we have any lamb pies either, for that matter.”

    Customer: “Well, can I get a lamb pie, then?”

    Me: “I’ll check if we have any, but I don’t think we do. Hey Shaun! We got any lamb?”

    Shaun: “No! Don’t have any!”

    Me: “Steve, we got any—”

    Steve: “NO!”

    Me: “Seems we don’t have any lamb, sorry.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Shaun and Steve: *at the same time* “YES!”

    Customer: “Oh, well… can I grab a couple of mutton pies, then?”

    Me: “No. Because we don’t have any. And we don’t have any lamb either. No lamb or mutton pies.”

    Customer: “What do you have then?”

    Me: “Well we have mince.”

    Customer: “I’ll take a venison pie, thanks.”

    Me: “Here’s your pie. Have a nice day.”

    (After the customer leaves, the next customer, who has been there through the entire conversation, steps up.)

    Next Customer: “What an idiot, aye?”

    Me: “Well, it takes all sorts. So, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Can I grab a lamb pie, thanks?”

    Polly Want A Manner

    | Israel | Awesome Customers, Pets & Animals

    (A man walks in with a parrot sitting on his shoulder.)

    Customer: “Hello!”

    Me: “Hi!”

    Customer: “I would like one bun with sunflower seeds!”

    Me: “Here you go.”

    (The customer pays and takes the bun. He then takes off the sunflower seeds and feeds them to his parrot.)

    Me: *laughing* “Bon appetite!”

    Customer: “Thank you!” *to the parrot* “Say thank you!”

    Parrot: “Thank you.”

    Me: “You’re very welcome!”

    ((The customer leaves, still feeding the seeds to his parrot. A few minutes later he comes back with the bun, which is now completely seed free.)

    Customer: “Do you have a trash can? I don’t need it any more.”

    Me: “Ah… sure, give it here.”

    Customer: “Very good! Goodbye!” *to the parrot* “Say goodbye to the girl!”

    Parrot: “Bye bye!”

    (They both leave, having seriously made my day.)

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