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  • A-Salted By The Flavor

    | Hyannis, MA, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    (I own a small cookie bakery on a busy main street on Cape Cod. A customer and his wife have purchased a cookie and some coffee and sat outside to enjoy it. I am having a conversation with my son, when the customer walks back in after they’ve finished.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. Just a little constructive criticism.”

    Me: “Okay. Sure!”

    Customer: “The cookie we had was too salty.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. Which cookie did you purchase?”

    Customer: “The lace cookie.”

    Me: “You mean the one topped with sea salt?”

    Customer: “I’m not sure why it tasted so salty!”

    My Son: “But it’s… it’s topped with sea salt.”

    Customer: “You know, you REALLY need to be careful about stuff like that when there are people like us who are watching our salt intake!”

    Me: “Well then, sir, I’m not certain you made the best decision. Out of our 14 or so varieties, you chose to purchase a salted cookie.”

    Customer: “But it was—” *reads description* “—OH! I see. Um, okay, have a great day!”

    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 10

    | Halifax, NS, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Geography

    (I work in a little bakery. It’s been a quiet evening when a customer’s car comes speeding in to a parking spot outside the front door. She gets out of her car with her cell phone in her out-stretched arm. She looks utterly confused as she enters the store.)

    Me: “Hi there!”

    Customer: “Yeah, hi.”

    (The customer spins in a slow circle and looks around.)

    Me: “Can I help you with anything?”

    Customer: *looks at her phone* “Yeah, I’m looking for [address of location].”

    Me: “You found it!”

    Customer: “NO! My phone is saying this is [coffee shop]. This is supposed to be [coffee shop]!”

    Me: “Oh, yeah. It used to be over two years ago, but they closed down and we moved in.”

    Customer: “NO! My phone is saying that this is the location of the coffee shop. Where is it!?”

    Me: “They closed over two years ago—”

    Customer: “NO! Phones are not wrong. This is supposed to be [coffee shop]!”

    Me: *looks around the bakery, than back to the customer* “Nope, this is [bakery]. Sorry to disappoint you.”

    Customer: “I’m sorry; I’m just not understanding.”

    (I have no idea how much more clearly I can let this customer know that the coffee shop closed down and she is standing in a bakery.)

    Me: I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is [bakery]. There is another coffee shop down the road though.”

    Customer: “Okay, I guess I’ll go down the street. But you’re sure there isn’t a coffee shop here?”

    Me: “One thousand percent sure. Have a wonderful evening.”

    (I watch her leave the store. She sits in her car for 10 minutes playing with her phone. I see violent movements coming from the car, so I call my coworker to the front. We watch while she violently shakes her phone and yells. I hope she finds that coffee shop and gets a decaf!)

    Related:
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 9
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 8
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 7
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 6
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 5
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 4

    Have Your Cake And Eat It

    | Canada | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (I am working the counter at a bakery. An older customer comes up to order.)

    Customer: “Hi, can I get a chocolate croissant and red velvet cupcake please?”

    Me: “Oh, good choices! The red velvet cupcake is my favorite. I was actually going to get one on my break.”

    (I go to grab his order, and realize there’s only one cupcake left.)

    Me: “Lucky you, you got the last one!”

    Customer: “Oh… are you sure you don’t want it? I can get something else.”

    Me: “It’s okay, sir; that’s just the luck of the draw I guess.”

    (He reluctantly accepts. Once he pays for his food, he takes the cupcake and puts in on the counter.)

    Customer: “For you, my dear.”

    Me: “What? No sir, it’s really okay. I can always get one tomorrow!”

    Customer: “Well, I’m leaving it on the counter and walking away. What you do with it is up to you. Have a good day!”

    (True to his word, he leaves the store. I have to say it was the best cupcake I ever had!)

    The Cake Is A Lie, Part 4

    | WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (My grocery store bakery has started a new display in our chilled sweets case, showcasing a whole cake on a pedestal with a slice of it on a plate, along with it’s price on a tag that is clearly labeled ‘Display Only’. These cakes, since they are clearly not sold, are not changed out very often. I notice that one of the plates is behind the display cake, which I find odd. My manager also notices and laughs.)

    Manager: “Did you notice this?”

    (My manager holds up the slice that had been placed in back of the display.)

    Me: “Oh yeah, I noticed it was in an odd spot. What’s up with it?”

    (My manager brings the plate over to show me. The piece of cake has a bite taken out of it, and the fork displayed along with it is dirty.)

    Manager: “A customer must have tried to eat it!”

    Me: “Wow, those cakes have been in there for ever!”

    (To prove a point, my manager takes the fork, and pokes at the cake. It is quite literally rock solid; it even sounds rock solid.)

    Manager: “They didn’t get very far! They must have taken that one little bite and realized it was inedible.”

    Me: “How the heck did they get to it?”

    Manager: “Well, the front window does swing open with some effort for cleaning but…”

    Me: *laughs again* “I know it says ‘display’, but come on. Display does not mean ‘sample’!”

    (We can only guess that a customer tried it after the bakery closed for the day!)

    Related:
    The Cake Is A Lie, Part 3
    The Cake Is A Lie, Part 2

    Getting In A Puff About The Pastry

    | Bethesda, Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Language & Words

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “That’s an almond croissant.”

    Customer: “What about that one?”

    Me: “A chocolate croissant.”

    Customer: “And that one?”

    Me: “Plain croissant.”

    Customer: “Nah. What’s that?”

    Me: “Pain au chocolat.”

    Customer: “What the f*** does that mean?”

    Me: “It’s a pastry with chocolate in it.”

    Customer: “So, it’s like nutty, yeah?”

    Me: “Well, we can’t guarantee it’s nut free, but the pastry just contains a roll of chocolate paste.”

    Customer: “So what does ‘pain’ mean?”

    Me: “It’s the French word for ‘bread’.”

    Customer: “Oooh! Posh! So what’s ‘chocolat’ mean, peanuts?”

    Me: “Nope, ‘chocolat’ is French for ‘chocolate’.”

    Customer: “I don’t like France; too artsy-fartsy. I’ll just have one of them chocolate croissants, then.”

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