November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Completely Taking The Mickey

| Madrid, Spain | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Money, Top

(A customer approaches me in the counter while I finish ringing up another. I’m sure she has come to the bakery a couple of times, but she’s not exactly a regular.)

Customer: “So nice to see you!”

Me: “Sure, it has been a while since I last saw you.”

Customer: “That’s because I was on a trip, to [Theme Park]”

Me: *smiling politely* “That sounds good.”

Customer: *looking in her purse* “I actually bought you something.”

(She takes a Theme Park Character figurine, putting it in the counter. I stare, confused.)

Me: “Uh, thanks, I guess… So, have you found anything you like around? We just made these new cupcakes.”

Customer: “Of course I saw them.”

(Puts three boxes on the counter, and I proceed to ring them up.)

Me: “Your total is €9.”

Customer: “Oh, no, just with the [Theme Park Character] is fine.”

(I stare confused.)

Customer: “Yes, you see, this thing was €10, so I give you this in exchange. An exchange. That’s fine, right?”

Me: “Oh, I’m truly grateful you thought of us, but we do not accept exchange here. You can either pay with cash or credit card…”

(She shakes her head, and grabs the figure to slam it in the counter. The thing doesn’t seem €10 in the slightest, since it’s about three inches tall.)

Customer: “No! I already told you this covers all the total! And even, you owe me €1!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t accept this. You can keep this [Theme Park Character] and pay with cash or credit card, as I said.”

Customer: “No way!”

(She grabs the cupcake boxes and starts to leave. My yells to call her back are heard by my coworkers, who help me and stop her from leaving. The woman had to be practically dragged away. The Theme Park Character remained on the counter for several hours, until a family comes up to the counter and the figure catches the attention of the son.)

Kid: “I’ve got one like this! It came with my meal at [Famous Burger Chain]!”

Not A Very Smart Cookie

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(A customer is standing in the store looking at the case of pastries.)

Customer: “What’s a peanut butter cookie?”

Me: “It’s a cookie with peanut butter.”

Customer: “What’s a chocolate chip cookie?”

Me: “It’s a cookie with chocolate chips in it.”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “The peanut butter cookie has peanut butter and no chocolate chips, and the chocolate chip cookie has chocolate chips and no peanut butter.”

Customer: “I don’t understand the difference.” *deliberates for a few minutes* “I’ll get one of each…”

Eternal Persistence Is The Price Of Pie

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

Customer: “Can I have the [flavor] pie?”

Me: “Sure! Would you like sauce with that?”

Customer: “And it’s to eat-in please.”

Me: “Sure. Do you need tomato sauce?”

Customer: “I’ll also have a [coffee] with that.”

Me: “I’ll add that to your order. Do you need tomato sauce for the pie?”

Customer: “Make sure its skinny milk! And I’ll also have a slice of cake.”

Me: *giving up* “Sure. Was there anything else I can get you today?”

Customer: “No, thanks. That’s all.”

Me: “Okay, so that comes to [total]. Here’s your table number.”

Customer: *hands over money but doesn’t move*

Me: “Um, if you’d like to take the table number, ma’am, we’ll bring everything out for you.”

Customer: “Well, can I get some sauce first?”

Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought, Part 3

| Cleveland, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(Most of the products in our bakery are dusted with flour. I am running the register when a customer walks up with a dusted loaf of bread.)

Customer: “I wanted to ask: what is this white powder on the bread?”

Me: “It’s just flour, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, then I can’t buy this then.”

Me: “Why not?”

Customer: “I’m buying this for my daughter, and she can’t eat gluten. Don’t you know? Flour has gluten in it.”

Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought, Part 2
Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought

The War On Terrorizing Customers

| East Sussex, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, History

(I, like many other Brits, like to wear a remembrance poppy through October and November. I work in an in-store bakery, inside a larger supermarket, where adornments are not usually permitted in case they fall off into our raw products. I have bought a remembrance poppy from the British Legion. I laminate the paper part to make it wipe-clean, and glue the stem to a safety pin, so it’s not likely to fall off my uniform. My manager gives me the go-ahead to wear it, and I am chuffed. Most customers who see it compliment me on work-proofing my poppy and being so keen to support the charity, however…)

Customer: “Excuse me. What is THAT?!”

Me: “What, sir?”

Customer: That… that atrocity next to your name badge!”

Me: “Sir, it’s a Remembrance Poppy, a charity symbol. To honour our war-dead and injured veterans.”

Customer: “I know what it is, you blithering idiot! What have you done to it?”

Me: “Sir, I customised it a little bit so it would be safe for me to wear in my work environment. Nobody else seems to mind. In fact, the poppy seller at the front of the store was telling me he wishes they’d make laminated or plastic poppies anyway.”

Customer: “You’re defiling a religious symbol! You should be sued!”

Me: “It has nothing to do with religion! It’s the emblem of a charity and a national symbol of remembrance. Plenty of people from all religions and countries lose their lives in the tragedy of warfare. I lost a friend in Afghanistan several years ago. Furthermore, once I have bought and paid for the poppy, it is my property to do with as I wish. Laminating it was not intended to be disrespectful, but rather the opposite.”

Customer: “But—”          

Me: “Can I ask you, sir, would you have reprimanded me for NOT wearing a poppy at all? I am quite young, after all. You might blame me and my generation for not caring about our veterans.”

Customer: “Well, you young people can be quite disrespectful. I don’t approve of the means, but I guess I understand the motive.”

Me: “So, can I actually help you, today, sir?”

Customer: “Just think before you defile a religious symbol next time!” *walks away*