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    A Half-Baked Notion

    | London, England, UK | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I am an 18-year-old male. I work at a local bakery around the corner from my house on the weekends. I’m busy dealing with a customer, who happens to be my older sister by five years. Since it’s quiet at the moment, I’m just having a quick chat with her whilst my coworker deals with the only other customer in the store.)

    Me: “Well, anyway, I should get back to clearing the shelves. I will see you at home later?”

    Sister: “Yea sure!”

    (The other customer has apparently been eavesdropping, and walks up to my sister.)

    Customer: “Don’t you think you should wait until you’re older before you start dating men?”

    (The customer then turns to me.)

    Customer: “AND YOU! You should be ashamed of yourself! This girl can’t be more than 16, and you’re taking advantage of her!”

    (To be fair my sister is short and very slim. I’m 6′ 2″ and quite bulky, so she is often mistaken for being younger than me.)

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but you seem to have misunderstood. This is my sister, and she’s actually older than me.”

    Customer: “Don’t you try to justify yourself to me you monster; you’re taking advantage of this poor girl.”

    (The customer then tries to take my sister by the hand and lead her out of the store.)

    Customer: “Come with me, dear; I won’t let that man hurt you.”

    Sister: “No, that really is my brother! You don’t understand.”

    Customer: “No, dear, don’t believe his lies. Let’s get you away from here and call the police.”

    (He drags my sister out onto the street. I rush after them, because as far as I’m concerned, this man is in the act of kidnapping my sister.)

    Me: “Hey stop! GET OFF MY SISTER!”

    (The man turns around to face me, at which point several other store owners have come out to see what’s going on. I decide to make a last ditch attempt to reason with this man before I try and force him to let go of my sister.)

    Me: “Look, I’ve got my ID on me and so does my sister! If we show them to you, will you accept that what were telling you is the truth?”

    Customer: “Fine, but I warn you I know fakes when I see them!”

    (My sister and I both show our IDs, which bear the exact same surname and our dates of birth. I see that it all finally clicks into place in the customer’s brain.)

    Customer: “Oh, well, why didn’t you just say so?”

    (The customer saunters off down the street, merry as you like. Once were sure he’s gone, my sister walks round the corner back home. It’s only then we realize that in all the drama, the customer never actually paid for the bread and cakes he had bought. We all now wonder if he just forgot like we did, or if we were a victim of the most impressive scam to steal bread and cake in history!)

    Grabbed The Wrong Baker’s Buns

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Love/Romance

    (I am visiting with two of my best friends at their little bakery. They are married, and have been best friends since the day I introduced them. The wife and I are doing some shopping for ingredients while business is slow. As we return to the bakery, a man stops and holds the door open for us. I go in first and the wife follows after me; we both thank him.)

    Wife: *suddenly yelps*

    Me: “What? What happened?”

    Wife: “He slapped my a**!”

    Man: “Don’t you know a true gentleman opens the door for a lady, and then slaps her a**? It’s a compliment, you stupid b****!”

    Wife: “Excuse me?!”

    (The wife is about five seconds from kicking the living crap out of this guy, when her husband walks over and calmly steps in front of her. He himself is wearing a suit and tie still, because he has not changed into his work clothes yet.)

    Husband: “Sir, I am going to have to ask you to leave.”

    Man: “Why?! I didn’t do anything!”

    Husband: “A true gentleman opens the door for a lady, which is true. However, a true gentleman NEVER touches a lady without her consent. Ever.”

    Man: “Man, why the h*** do you care so much?!”

    (The husband simply smiles and then looms in close to the man’s face. The man is nearly 5’7″ while my friend is 6’2″. The man’s face goes sheet white.)

    Husband: “For your information, that little lady is my wife. I own this bakery, and unless you would like me to show you how long it will take me to beat you to bloody pulp, I suggest you leave.”

    (The man scurries off and is later charged for assault. As for my two friends, let’s just say the husband got an extra treat that night.)

    Their Reasoning Has A Hole In The Middle

    | Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in the in-store bakery at my supermarket. Our shelving-display signs warn that all of our products either contain nuts, or are prepared in the same food areas as products containing nuts. Two young girls aged about eight approach the shelving, and read aloud the notice.)

    Girl #1: “The sign says that some of the food contains nuts. I wonder which things have them in.”

    Girl #2: “Well duh, obviously all of the doughnuts have nuts. The clue is in the name. DOUGH. NUTS.”

    A-Salted By The Flavor

    | Hyannis, MA, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    (I own a small cookie bakery on a busy main street on Cape Cod. A customer and his wife have purchased a cookie and some coffee and sat outside to enjoy it. I am having a conversation with my son, when the customer walks back in after they’ve finished.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. Just a little constructive criticism.”

    Me: “Okay. Sure!”

    Customer: “The cookie we had was too salty.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. Which cookie did you purchase?”

    Customer: “The lace cookie.”

    Me: “You mean the one topped with sea salt?”

    Customer: “I’m not sure why it tasted so salty!”

    My Son: “But it’s… it’s topped with sea salt.”

    Customer: “You know, you REALLY need to be careful about stuff like that when there are people like us who are watching our salt intake!”

    Me: “Well then, sir, I’m not certain you made the best decision. Out of our 14 or so varieties, you chose to purchase a salted cookie.”

    Customer: “But it was—” *reads description* “—OH! I see. Um, okay, have a great day!”

    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 10

    | Halifax, NS, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Geography

    (I work in a little bakery. It’s been a quiet evening when a customer’s car comes speeding in to a parking spot outside the front door. She gets out of her car with her cell phone in her out-stretched arm. She looks utterly confused as she enters the store.)

    Me: “Hi there!”

    Customer: “Yeah, hi.”

    (The customer spins in a slow circle and looks around.)

    Me: “Can I help you with anything?”

    Customer: *looks at her phone* “Yeah, I’m looking for [address of location].”

    Me: “You found it!”

    Customer: “NO! My phone is saying this is [coffee shop]. This is supposed to be [coffee shop]!”

    Me: “Oh, yeah. It used to be over two years ago, but they closed down and we moved in.”

    Customer: “NO! My phone is saying that this is the location of the coffee shop. Where is it!?”

    Me: “They closed over two years ago—”

    Customer: “NO! Phones are not wrong. This is supposed to be [coffee shop]!”

    Me: *looks around the bakery, than back to the customer* “Nope, this is [bakery]. Sorry to disappoint you.”

    Customer: “I’m sorry; I’m just not understanding.”

    (I have no idea how much more clearly I can let this customer know that the coffee shop closed down and she is standing in a bakery.)

    Me: I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is [bakery]. There is another coffee shop down the road though.”

    Customer: “Okay, I guess I’ll go down the street. But you’re sure there isn’t a coffee shop here?”

    Me: “One thousand percent sure. Have a wonderful evening.”

    (I watch her leave the store. She sits in her car for 10 minutes playing with her phone. I see violent movements coming from the car, so I call my coworker to the front. We watch while she violently shakes her phone and yells. I hope she finds that coffee shop and gets a decaf!)

    Related:
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 9
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 8
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 7
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 6
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 5
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 4

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